I was chatting online with a mom the other day who is nearing the 2nd anniversary of her daughter's death this September. She shared how confused and hurt she was by her doctor telling her (and writing on her physical exam report) that she suffers from "prolonged grief response."
I was very surprised that a healthcare professional would be so un-informed in the area of grief and I must admit that I was angry at that doctor for making such a wrong assumption, which wounded and troubled this already hurting mom.
I shared my concern and anger with my husband, Bob, and his response was, "Well, obviously that doctor has not lost a child . . . 2 years is just a "drop in the bucket!"
The first year, after the loss of our son, Kevin, we were in shock and on an emotional journey that is definitely like that of walking through the "valley of the shadow of death." For us, the second year was also difficult, because the shock of loss was replaced by the reality of loss.
Certainly, no one, except someone who has suffered the loss of a child, can truly understand or relate to the intensity of the grief that follows such a heart-wrenching, life-changing loss. Too often, well-meaning people want to hurry those who grieve along through our journey of grief, because they are unfamiliar and uncomfortable with the depths of our sorrow and pain.
There are those who grieve, however, who may suffer from "prolonged grief response," if they find that as the years pass they continue to re-play the events connected to their loss over and over in their mind, and they don't seem to be moving through the "valley," but have actually taken up residency there. However, 2 years into the "journey" is definitely a "drop in the bucket."
How many drops of tears does it take to fill a bucket? "As many as it takes," that's what Bob and I say. We have surely cried our share of tears that would probably fill several buckets by now. No matter how many years pass, before we see our son again, we are thankful that we have given ourselves permission to grieve when we need to grieve, while also accepting God's promise that He is collecting all our tears, because they matter to Him, too.
Passing through the valley of weeping,"
Angie & Bob "a mom and dad like you)
“Passing through the valley of weeping, you will find pools of blessing.” -Psalm 84:6