"There is an appointed time for everything. And, there is a time for every event under Heaven . . . "
This morning, as my husband, Bob, and I were eating breakfast on this crisp, Colorado Fall morning, out of nowhere came a feeling of sorrow that for a moment took my breath away.
Without having to analyze why, I knew why; with the seasonal change from Summer to Fall comes the joy and anticipation of the holidays turning our attentions toward celebration, traditions, family and memories.
We have so many memories of this season of blessings that warms our hearts, but also tugs on our heartstrings that are attached to our beloved son, Kevin, who is no longer here with us.
This is also my birthday month, when I look back on the previous year of my life and all that has happened without Kevin being a part of our story, as well as the reality of yet another Thanksgiving, his Dec. 8th birthday, Christmas, and January 10th - the day that God called him HOME.
I have companioned with hundreds of moms who have suffered the loss of a child and who all agree that we share this one thing in common; when the time of year comes around that we had to say "goodbye for now," there is an intensified emotional and physical reaction to our loss, which we believe is because we have an emotional and physical connection with our child that we hold in our body - a memory that knows no end.
Is there a way to avoid these heart-wrenching "seasons?" For me, I think not. I don't think about it, I don't anticipate it and I don't try to prepare myself to prevent it from happening. Rather, it happens for no particular reason and I have learned to embrace it as a welcome guest - yet, another part of my journey of grief. .
No matter the years since Kevin died, though life is good, blessings abound and I experience real joy and peace daily, when the leaves on the trees begin to change colors and fall to the ground, so my heart experiences a change and tears flow without warning - it's as inevitable as the changing of the season.
Though this is an emotional time of the year for me, it is not a bad time of the year, because I am at peace and I know from 14 years of experience that this is simply a season that brings great joy and an element of sadness, too. This is just my "season of blessings and tears." How about you, precious mom? Do you experience a "season of blessings and tears?"
With Faith, Hope and Love Always,
Angie "a mom like you"