The quote below is for those who may think that it's "time" that heals our broken hearts from loss. And, what exactly is meant by we "learn to live with it"??? I believe it means that at some point we must accept our life as continuing on for good without the person we love and are missing, This takes "time" and also attention to making sure that we are grieving with hope; hope that our broken hearts will heal, that our lives are not over and we can not only survive the loss, but thrive once again - embracing the life still before us with HOPE! This has certainly been true for me - "a mom like you!" -Angie
When I think of being happy, I think of our great-grandson, when he was 1 year old, who came into the house, looked around, realized where he was, smiled a big smile at me and started clapping his hands . . .that was such a special moment and his happiness and excitement made me happy!
I also got a call the other day from my daughter-in-law who said that our 2 year old great-grandson in California asked her to "call MiMi!" That made me happy!
These two simple recent memories certainly makes my "soul happy!" And, today our youngest granddaughter is graduating from High School and going on to CSU for her college experience, and this makes me HAPPY!
Too often, when we are hurting and grieving, we forget that there is still a place for happiness in our lives.
As one who is very familiar with loss and grief, I have found that I have to be intentional about making room for happiness, not only thinking about what makes me happy, but actually making a list to review at a later time, when I may forget that even as I live with sorrow and loss, I can still find a measure of joy and happiness in my everyday life.
There are LOTS of things that make me happy. What makes you happy? I encourage you to take a few minutes and make a HAPPY list and you may be surprised, as I was, at all that makes your "soul happy." I was surprised at the length of my list and maybe you will be, too. ENJOY!
What makes me HAPPY . . .
*Waking up to the chirping and melodious sounds of the birds (especially the coo of doves and the robin's song).
*Music - all kinds!
*Being surrounded by beauty; nature, beautiful people and surroundings.
*Books (all around me).
*Finishing reading a book - a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
*Gardens, Trees and Flowers.
*Choosing, planting and watching veggies and fruits grow and bear fruit.
*Working in a garden - planting, pruning, trimming and digging in the dirt.
*Valleys - especially those will green pastures and wild flowers.
*Streams and bodies of water - any kind of moving water; waterfalls, water foundations/features, rivers and the ocean.
*A fragrant, hot cup of coffee of tea.
*Teatime with a close friend or my grandaughters.
*Going to a good movie - always a favorite date with my hubby.
*Bathing/Showering - the scent and fragrance of soap, shampoo and conditioner; the warmth and refreshment of running water over my body.
*Crawling into bed under clean sheets.
*Sitting outside on the porch.
*My sons and their families - just looking at them makes me happy - they are all beautiful people-inside and out.
*Learning new things.
*Taking drives not knowing where I'm going, just exploring new places.
*Singing with someone - a duet, trio, ensemble or choir. I am definitely meant to be a part of a "concert" of prayer through lyrics and melodies.
*Harvesting herbs, veggies and fruits that I've tended and watched grow.
*Seeing miracles happen in people's lives.
*Fellowshipping with those who love and honor the Lord above all else.
*Studying and memorizing God's Word (hiding it/Him in my heart).
*Sharing the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with those with eyes to see and ears to hear.
*Being a part of something larger and more important than myself - this is an essential "imperative" for me.
*Belly laughing with someone who has a bigger and louder belly laugh than I do.
*A good joke.
*A new, fresh opportunity.
*A vision that I know comes from God.
*Seeing a God-given vision come to fruition.
*Getting organized and staying that way, but making time and room for Sabbath and pajama days.
*Busy, spiritual and relational fruit-bearing days.
*Being around people who know they are loved and are living FREE.
*Being in the company of those who are creative, wise and inspirational, and who love to serve and help others.
*Hearing a melody with lyrics and being able to score it and hear it played or sung by someone other than me.
*Taking a trip for FUN and adventure or as a "pilgrimage" in Christ.
*Seeing our children and grandchildren happy, at peace and loving and following Christ.
*Making a real difference in someone's life and the world - for Christ.
*When I feel and know that I am loved and am important to someone I love.
*Taking a peaceful, restful and refreshing nap.
*Fresh eggs from "home-grown" chickens - tee hee~
*Sleeping through the night with sweet or "telling" dreams of those who are no longer here with me on this Earth.
*Waking in the morning with excitement for what a new day may bring my way.
*Living in peace with God, myself and others.
*Knowing that God is watching me, paying attention to me, delighted in me and fully present to me.
*Making other people feel "seen" and special.
*The sense of cleansing after repenting of my sins against God and others.
*Being the reason someone giggles or laughs out loud.
*Knowing that I am loved and appreciated not for what I do, but for who I am.
*Being in the company of good men and women who love JESUS - men and women "after God's own heart."
*Interacting playfully with family and friends.
*Finishing what I start.
*A clean house!!!
How about sitting down and making your list now?
With a Happy Soul Today,
Angie "a mom like you"
In the days following the recent death/loss of a young woman who is a "daughter of my heart," the LORD led me to Henri Nouwen's book
"The Inner Voice of Love" where I came across the words that I needed to hear in my time of sorrow and pain.
Wendi and I were connected heart and soul from the first time we met more than 30 years ago, when she was just a teenager. She is now another person I love who has "gone on before me." Henry Nouwen's words were just the words that I needed to hear at just the right time.
If you would like to learn about the life's work of Wendi Miller who was murdered over the Holy Week weekend, you can google her name and go to the Wing's For Justice website at www.wingsforjustice.com.
I hope Henri Nouwen's words are comforting and encouraging for you, and I highly recommend this book and all of his books - he is one of Wendi's and my most treasured authors!
“When you "love" someone or "miss" someone, you experience an inner pain. Bit by bit you have to discover the nature of pain. When your deepest self is connected with the deepest self of another, that person’s absence may be painful, but it will lead to a profound communion with the person, because loving each other is loving in God.
When the place where God dwells in you is intimately connected with the place where God dwells in the other, the absence of the other person is not destructive. On the contrary, it will challenge you to enter more deeply into communion with God, the source of all unity and communion among people.
It is also possible on the other hand that the pain of absence will show you that you are out of touch with your own deeper self. You need the other to experience inner wholeness, to have a sense of well-being. You have become emotionally dependent on the other and sink into depression because of his or her absence. It feels as if the other has taken away a part of you that you cannot live without. Then the pain of absence reveals a certain lack of trust in God’s love. But, God is enough for you.
True love between two human beings puts you more in touch with your deepest self. It is a love in God. The pain you experience from the death or absence of the person you love, then, always calls you to a deeper knowledge of God’s love. God’s love is all the love you need, and it reveals to you the love of God in the other. This is “deep speaking to deep,” a mutuality in the heart of God, who embraces both of you.
Death or absence does not end or even diminish the love of God that brought you to the other person. It calls you to take a new step into the mystery of God’s inexhaustible love. This process is painful, very painful, because the other person has become a true revelation of God’s love for you. But the more you are stripped of the God-given support of people, the more you are called to love God for God’s sake. This is an awesome and even dreadful love, but it is the love that offers eternal life.”
These blog pages are written by and for moms who have suffered the loss of a child.