With this week being the official changing of the season from Summer to Autumn, I am aware that the holidays are coming, and I'm not sure I'm ready.

"Sometimes our own high expectations of the holidays make the pain and frustration more acute. We have a mental picture of how things ought to be. Often, however, those expectations are based more on how we wish things to be rather than reality. We must remember that we are grieving and we must be kind and gentle with ourselves, and realistic about what we expect." -"Getting Through the Holidays..." Darcie D. Sims

This morning I was talking on the phone with Shelley Forney (our MLM Assoc. Director), and she shared that she has been
struggling to be healthy due to lingering allergies and an overall lack of energy. Normally, Shelley is a high-spirited, energetic and enthusiastic gal, and she shared that she realizes that something of what she is experiencing is because it's "that time of year" for her, since the loss of her daughter, Erica, in November of 2008. She said "this seems to happen to me every year around this time."  And, so we talked about how we have come to expect a change in our emotions, as we approach the holiday season.

We also talked about how we have come to realize that though it is important for us to continue our cherished holiday traditions, it is also important for us to be patient and realistic with ourselves, because sometimes our own expectations based on past hoildays can place too much pressure on us. We encouraged one another to keep things as simple and manageable as possible, being patient and compassionate with ourselves and with others.

Perhaps, this is not the time of year that sets you in a kind of emotional "funk," but we know from the past 7 years of companioning with grieving moms, that the upcoming holiday season can intensify our emotions and put pressure on us, affecting our health and sense of well-being.

You are on my mind, in my heart and prayers, so I thought I'd share some helpful ideas from a grief-related resource by Darcie D. Sims "Getting Through the Holidays When You've Lost a Loved One" that will hopefuly provide a measure of comfort and encouragement, as you prepare your heart and home for this special "season."

*Be patient and realistic (with yourself and others).

Yesterday, was a very difficult day for me personally, and it reminded me of the seasons in my life, when I have been perplexed and troubled about circumstances that I know God could change in an instant.

With all the devastation, suffering and losses, because of the flooding here in Northern Colorado, I have been deeply troubled in a way that caused me to cry out to God for His mercy upon our lands and people.

I haven't felt the way I felt yesterday in a very long time, but I wasn't surprised by my response to the devastation and destruction of our neighboring communities. I wasn't surprised, because I am much more connected to the pain and sufferings in this world, and I am also much more compassionate and concerned about others, since the loss of our son, Kevin. 

So, what did I do yesterday, when I was troubled? First, I tried to take a long nap, because I wanted to shut out and escape from reality for awhile. Normally, sleeping to avoid reality is helpful to me, but not yesterday. My dreams were troubling and I found no comfort or rest. The sorrow (and a measure of fear) I was experiencing had a hold on me, and none of the typical coping skills like napping or cooking and eating comfort foods or zoning out in front the TV helped. My heart, soul and spirit were troubled and I came to a point where I just had to ask God to show me what was troubling me so. 

I confessed my perplexities about where He is and why it is part of His plan for our lands and people to be suffering in this way. I was honest with Him (as I always am, because I am His child and He is my Abba), and once I confessed my confusion, perplexity and fear, asking Him to help me understand and accept that this situation is part of His plan, the blessed peace that "surpasses all understanding" came over me like a warm blanket. 

Experiencing a sense of hopelessness reminded me of the hundreds of grieving moms that I have met over the past 7 years who have openly and honestly expressed their own hopelessness. And, in their honesty, we, as a Christ-centered community of moms have come to understand that though suffering is a part of life, there is hope.   . . .  "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28 

With all that is going on in our world, in our lives and the lives of our family, friends and neighbors, it is no wonder that we may lose our grip on hope now and then. If we focus on our circumstances only, surely we would all just pull the covers over our head and hide. But, because of the hope that is in Jesus Christ our Lord, our hope is everlasting, and we must "keep on keeping on" with faith and trust in the One who is our HOPE!

We don't have to look very far to see suffering, but I have experienced that we also don't have to look very far to see and experience the love, mercy and grace of our Father God who sees, hears and responds to our cries for help in the midst of our troubles.

"I heard Jesus speak to me as the Man of Sorrow, as one who has suffered, as one who knows what it feels like to be crushed by grief to the point that it is squeezing the life out of you. I realized that my sorrow gave me the opportunity to know  Him with a depth I had not experienced before, in a way could not have known Him without going through deep sorrow myself." -Hearing Jesus Speak Into Your Sorrow, Nancy Guthrie