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"Seasons"

9/23/2013

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With this week being the official changing of the season from Summer to Autumn, I am aware that the holidays are coming, and I'm not sure I'm ready.

"Sometimes our own high expectations of the holidays make the pain and frustration more acute. We have a mental picture of how things ought to be. Often, however, those expectations are based more on how we wish things to be rather than reality. We must remember that we are grieving and we must be kind and gentle with ourselves, and realistic about what we expect." -"Getting Through the Holidays..." Darcie D. Sims

This morning I was talking on the phone with Shelley Forney (our MLM Assoc. Director), and she shared that she has been
struggling to be healthy due to lingering allergies and an overall lack of energy. Normally, Shelley is a high-spirited, energetic and enthusiastic gal, and she shared that she realizes that something of what she is experiencing is because it's "that time of year" for her, since the loss of her daughter, Erica, in November of 2008. She said "this seems to happen to me every year around this time."  And, so we talked about how we have come to expect a change in our emotions, as we approach the holiday season.

We also talked about how we have come to realize that though it is important for us to continue our cherished holiday traditions, it is also important for us to be patient and realistic with ourselves, because sometimes our own expectations based on past hoildays can place too much pressure on us. We encouraged one another to keep things as simple and manageable as possible, being patient and compassionate with ourselves and with others.

Perhaps, this is not the time of year that sets you in a kind of emotional "funk," but we know from the past 7 years of companioning with grieving moms, that the upcoming holiday season can intensify our emotions and put pressure on us, affecting our health and sense of well-being.

You are on my mind, in my heart and prayers, so I thought I'd share some helpful ideas from a grief-related resource by Darcie D. Sims "Getting Through the Holidays When You've Lost a Loved One" that will hopefuly provide a measure of comfort and encouragement, as you prepare your heart and home for this special "season."

*Be patient and realistic (with yourself and others).
*Listen to your heart and acknowledge your limitations.
*Remember that it is OK to say "no" or "not at this time." You do not have to accept every invitation or fulfill every 
traditional responsibility.
*Do what you can and let that be enough.

*Plan ahead - make a list and don't be afraid to scratch off items that don't seem to fit this year.
*Keep traditions alive in ways that makes sense given the new reality of your life. 
*Temper your expectations with compassion and gentleness (for yourself and others).
*Allow yourself to "feel" the emotions connected to the holidays.
*Allow the tears to come, but look for joy in the pain. Don't deny yourself the gift of healing tears, laughter or joy.
*Focus on the "reasons for the seasons" - let these seasons of hopeful anticipation touch the yearning within your heart for joy and peace, and the final reunion with your child, and all the loved ones who have gone on before you.
*Make love what you remember and focus on the most.

I would also like to encourage you to join one of our Loss Groups (if you live locally) or a support group in your area, during the holiday season. We have found that being in the company of others who are on a personal journey through grief can be especially helpful, during this time of the year.

The holiday season can be an emotionally challenging, but also healing, if we slowly and gently allow ourselves to move from focusing on our loss to focusing on the gifts of life, family and friends. 

You are all in my heart and prayers, precious "moms like me." Please don't hesitate to contact me, if you need encouragement, help or support.  Don't suffer alone - find someone to help you.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie 
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.motherslikeme@facebook.com






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"Holding Onto Hope!"

9/15/2013

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Yesterday, was a very difficult day for me personally, and it reminded me of the seasons in my life, when I have been perplexed and troubled about circumstances that I know God could change in an instant.

With all the devastation, suffering and losses, because of the flooding here in Northern Colorado, I have been deeply troubled in a way that caused me to cry out to God for His mercy upon our lands and people.

I haven't felt the way I felt yesterday in a very long time, but I wasn't surprised by my response to the devastation and destruction of our neighboring communities. I wasn't surprised, because I am much more connected to the pain and sufferings in this world, and I am also much more compassionate and concerned about others, since the loss of our son, Kevin. 

So, what did I do yesterday, when I was troubled? First, I tried to take a long nap, because I wanted to shut out and escape from reality for awhile. Normally, sleeping to avoid reality is helpful to me, but not yesterday. My dreams were troubling and I found no comfort or rest. The sorrow (and a measure of fear) I was experiencing had a hold on me, and none of the typical coping skills like napping or cooking and eating comfort foods or zoning out in front the TV helped. My heart, soul and spirit were troubled and I came to a point where I just had to ask God to show me what was troubling me so. 

I confessed my perplexities about where He is and why it is part of His plan for our lands and people to be suffering in this way. I was honest with Him (as I always am, because I am His child and He is my Abba), and once I confessed my confusion, perplexity and fear, asking Him to help me understand and accept that this situation is part of His plan, the blessed peace that "surpasses all understanding" came over me like a warm blanket. 

Experiencing a sense of hopelessness reminded me of the hundreds of grieving moms that I have met over the past 7 years who have openly and honestly expressed their own hopelessness. And, in their honesty, we, as a Christ-centered community of moms have come to understand that though suffering is a part of life, there is hope.   . . .  "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28 

With all that is going on in our world, in our lives and the lives of our family, friends and neighbors, it is no wonder that we may lose our grip on hope now and then. If we focus on our circumstances only, surely we would all just pull the covers over our head and hide. But, because of the hope that is in Jesus Christ our Lord, our hope is everlasting, and we must "keep on keeping on" with faith and trust in the One who is our HOPE!

We don't have to look very far to see suffering, but I have experienced that we also don't have to look very far to see and experience the love, mercy and grace of our Father God who sees, hears and responds to our cries for help in the midst of our troubles.

"I heard Jesus speak to me as the Man of Sorrow, as one who has suffered, as one who knows what it feels like to be crushed by grief to the point that it is squeezing the life out of you. I realized that my sorrow gave me the opportunity to know  Him with a depth I had not experienced before, in a way could not have known Him without going through deep sorrow myself." -Hearing Jesus Speak Into Your Sorrow, Nancy Guthrie





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"Who Am I?"

9/12/2013

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As the season is changing and the "flowers are quickly fading," may the words and music of this song by Casting Crowns lift your heart, soul and spirit today!  
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"Daily Guidelines to Live By!"

9/4/2013

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In January 2009 (almost 7 years to the day that our son, Kevin, died),  I was diagnosed with aggressive Stage II Breast Cancer . . . talk about a shock, and another challenge and testing of my faith! Whew! I'm glad that's over!!!

In anticipation and in response to the mastectomy surgery, subsequent chemo therapy and breast reconstruction process, I experienced yet another type of loss and grieving. Yes, I grieved the loss of my breast, and the good health that I had enjoyed and taken for granted. Though not as intense as the grief connected to the loss of my son, nevertheless I grieved, and once again I experienced comfort, hope and strength through the presence and under the shelter of God's faithful love, mercy and grace.


I also experienced (and was the recipient of) the power of prayer, and the strength that covered me because of the prayers of my husband, family and friends - emphasizing again the importance of being yielded and still before the Lord our God, praying constantly and being ever grateful for the blessing of compassionate "comforters" who companion with us throughout our journey here on earth.

One of my very special "comforters" was (and is) my oldest grandson, Joey.  

During the 2 years of my "journey through cancer," Joey made trips up from California to be close to me and to make sure that I was OK and he called me every week for many months to express his love and to encourage me. He told me that I was never out of his thoughts, and that he prayed "constantly" that God would heal me.  Joey has always been "MiMi's boy," and we share a very special bond of love that began even before the actual day he was born nearly 28 years ago.

Another way that Joey encouraged me, was to email me the "Daily Guidelines" listed below that he found on the internet. These daily guidelines served me very well, as I reached for health and healing, and they continue to encourage me to make these simple choices each day, no matter my circumstances.  It is my hope in sharing them that they will help someone else, as they have been helpful to me.

*Wake Up!  
Decide to have  good day. "Today is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalms 118:24

*Dress Up! 
The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearances; but the Lord looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:7

*Stand Up!
For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. "Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest, if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good. "Galations 6:9-10

*Look Up!
"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me." Phillippians 4:13

*Reach Up!
For something higher. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

*Lift Up - Your Prayers!
"Do not worry about anything; instead pray about everything." Philippians 4:6

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie Green, Co-Founding Director
Mothers Like Me - Encouragement for moms who have suffered the loss of a child
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.motherslikeme.info
www.motherslikeme@facebook.com
 

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    These blog pages are written by and for moms who have suffered the loss of a child.

    May the reflections and expressions of mothers' hearts be a source of comfort, help and encouragement and may you, like these moms, accept God's great exchange as "He gives beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for the spirit of heaviness . . " Isaiah 61:3

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