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What's Really Inside?

9/28/2018

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Throughout all of my life, beginning when I was 12 years old after my Dad died, I have been tested, stretched, refined and pushed to a breaking point due to life's heartache, sorrow, hardships, disappointments and challenges.

Over the past 1-1/2 years, my marriage was tested as never before, my precious brother, Russ, lived with us and soon suffered from cancer that took his life in March of this year; my husband's brother, Tom, had to go into assisted living; and now my 90 year old Mom broke her hip, had hip replacement surgery, can no longer live on her own or with us, and is in a long-term care facility.

Though I am thankful that my brother is safe in the arms of the LORD, free from pain, Bob's brother is in a great assisted living place (as is the place for my Mom) I am up to my ears in "hot water" in dealing with the aftermath and responsiblities of caregiving, managing Bob's brother and my Mom's medical and financial affairs and sometimes I simply feel overheated and overwhelmed.

In the "unexpected fires of sorrows," all I hope for is that I will not "grow weary from doing good!"  This is one of the deepest desires of my heart and soul, because I believe that our fGod is an "awesome God," and "with Him nothing is impossible."

I remember so vividly standing over the lifeless body of our son, Kevin, in January 2002 asking a close friend, "How am I going to live with this loss?" and immediately God's Word floated up inside me and I said, "But, I can do all things through Christ and so that means this, too!"  

I believe that when God allows the water to boil around and over me, and when I feel like I won't survive the fire, He is always there to cool down the "unexpected fires." And, I am glad to say, that even in the hottest waters, good things always come from inside, not because of who I am, but beause of "who's I am!"

What about you?  What's inside you that comes out when the water gets HOT?

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info



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THAT Day! January 10, 2002

9/17/2018

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I came across some of my early journal entries written just after my son, Kevin, died. This is what I wrote about "THAT" day, the last time I saw my son.


*Early on a cold, winter morning, I saw my beautiful son for the last time. 

*I remember that morning, as if it was yesterday; how he looked and what he said are imprinted on my heart and mind.  

*It was very early and I was still asleep, hunkered down under the comforter with no thought of waking up anytime soon.

*I remember that I was woken up by a gentle, warming presence in the room and I sensed it was one of my sons.

​*When I opened my eyes, there he was . . . his cap turned around backwards on his head, wearing one of favorite surf T-Shirts, shorts and the sounds of his flip flops clicking against his heels, as he moved ever so slowly into the room. I remember that he was coming closer to the foot of the bed, as he was checking to see if I was awake (which he had done since he was old enough to walk into my room, where he knew he was welcome anytime (exept if the door was locked).


*He had come into our room at night until he was about 8 years old, sneaking in and ever softly and gently slipping in under the covers between his Dad and I - his being at the foot of our bed was a normal sight,  and here he was again, at age 28, coming home to check in before heading out for the day. 


*Seeing him was so comforting - he wasn't living at home anymore, so seeing him for an early morning "Hello" for his Mom was a welcomed treat for sure. I flipped over and said “Hi, son - whatcha doing.” He said, “Hey Mom - there’s an offshore storm that’s brought in 15-20 ft waves and Todd and I are heading down to Dog Patch for some rides!” Todd was one of his close surfing buddies and Dog Patch was his "sweet spot" on Earth - a famous surf spot in So. California where the Hawaiian surfers hung out in the 1950's. It's a classic surfspot with lots of history and stories of the "old" days, as locals say. 

*When I heard that he would be surfing in stormy surf and big waves, I wanted to say “Oh, son, be careful,” but something stopped me -I choked on the words that I would be sending him off with words coming from my mother’s fears, because he was fearless and very comfortable surfing BIG waves -actually the bigger the better. But, I remember even now that I did sense the possibility that he might be harmed in some way, but I didn't want those to be my sending words to him.

*So, instead of saying "be careful," I said, “Kowabunda Dude! Have fun, I love you!”  Hearing me say “kowabunga dude” (my attempt at being a cool surfer’s mom) made Kevin laugh out loud.

*And, after one of his throw-your-head back belly laughs, he said, “Ok Mama.” He then gently patted the head of our little Lhasa Apsos dog, Nikki, on the foot of the bed, then he smiled, turned and was gone.

*In that moment, I just laid there listening to the engine on his truck purr and time seemed to stand still and for some reason that I couldn't explain then, I held onto the sound of his truck leaving the driveway until I could hear the engine running no more.  As I look back now, I didn't know then why I waited to listen to him drive his truck out of the driveway - but, I do recall that somehow I felt that was a special moment and so it was.

*I've asked myself a hundred times, "Why didn't you get up and greet your son? "Why didn't I show him how glad I was to see him by getting out of bed, offering to make him breakfast. If I had done that I could have had one more look at him, one more of his hugs, soaking in the scent of him, looking at his beautiful face and into those amazing Irish GREEN eyes that were the mirrors of his “beautiful soul.” 

*Though I regret not getting out of bed, I treasure those moments we shared for the last " good morning," and I learned a very important lesson- - I never say goodbye to anyone that I love without looking into their eyes, giving them a hug and telling them  “I Love YOU!”  

Looking Back and Remembering,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com



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Faith, Hope and Clarity

9/9/2018

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Whenever I am at a crossroad or facing a crisis or issue in my life, I begin responding by leaning into and standing on my Faith, holding onto Hope and and praying for Clarity!

Everyone reacts to stress and challenging situations and circumstances differently, but I learned a very important lesson after the loss of our son, Kevin, in 2002, that it is important to "respond" not "react," because "when emotions are high, thinking is low." 

What is your typical approach to handling difficulties, trials and challenging situations?

Some people react with anger, because for some reason that is how they have learned to get themselves moving through their circumstances.

Some people do not want to face the trial or difficulty, and would rather be in denial or try to escape the reality of their situation or issue.


Some people may feel like a victim and even be somewhat paralyzed by their circumstances.

Most people feel something of all of these emotional reactions to stress and the challenges of life, at one time or another.

After Kevin died, I knew immediately that if I did not "just breathe" and lean into God, drawing closer and becoming more dependent on Him, that I would fall into my old patterns of "reacting" rather than "responding" to the heartache and pain of that life-changing loss.

Thankfully, I was given 3 books to read in the early days of my grief:
"A Grace Disguised" by Jerry Sittser
"Understanding Your Grief-Ten Essential Touchstones" by Dr. Alan Wolfhelt
"The Six Needs of Mourning" by Dr. Alan Wolfhelt

These books were very helpful  in helping me understand something of how I might make my way through the "worst thing that had ever happened to me" in a healthy way. To this day, I use much of what I learned from these writers to help me maneuver through the losses, disappointments, challenges and difficulties of life.  

How about you?  What do you do when faced with a "mountain?"  I hope you will consider some of what I have learned about how "leaning into and standing on Faith, holding onto Hope and praying for Clarity" helps. And, I highly recommend the books mentioned above, as well.  

With Faith, Hope and Clarity for the Journey,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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"From Pain to Peace"

9/1/2018

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As I make my way through the "journey of grief," since the loss of our son, Kevin, in 2002, I have found that this quote by Elizabreth Ammons is true for each day and every step along the path of pain and sorrow toward hope and healing peace,

I have also found that at various times during my journey that I have done and continue to do all of the things Elizabeth mentions in this quote . . . shed tears, smiled, closed my eyes wishing to see Kevin again, reflected on his legacy, felt as though my heart was empty, filled up with love to be shared, wished I could go back in time, am happy, always cherishing the treasured memories. I have cried, closed my mind and felt empty, BUT, I have also smiled, opened my heart, loved and am going on with HOPE!.

I'm sure any mom reading this now will agree that all of the above happens to us at different times.



As "moms like me" we make a choice everyday to focus on what we need to focus on to make our way through our pain and sorrow. Gladly and thankfully, most of the the moms I know seem to focus mostly on choosing to "smile, open their heart, love and go on" and that's because we have HOPE for better days ahead and being reunited with our child one day, and that changes everything.

With Faith, Hope and Love, 
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlike@gmail.com
​www.amotherlikeme.info




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    Author(s)

    These blogpages are written by and for moms who have suffered the loss of a child.

    May the reflections and expressions of mothers  hearts be a source of comfort, help and encouragement and may you, like these moms, accept God's great exchange as "He gives beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for the spirit of heaviness . . " Isaiah 61:3

    With Faith, Hope & Love,
    Angie Green
    by "A Mother Like Me," Editor

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