Christmas 2001 was a very special Christmas before our son, Kevin, died. He was 28 years old, engaged and making plans for a future with his beautiful fiance.' Knowing that it would be his "last Christmas at home," he told me that he hoped it would be one of the best ever and it was.
Little did we know that it would be his last Christmas at home, but not because he would be married, but because he would be gone from us due to sudden cardiac death on January 10, 2002.
On Mother's Day 2001, he gave me a poem that a friend of his helped him write. He told his friend all about me and they composed the poem together. Kevin found his favorite picture of he and I (which is my favorite picture of us, too) when he was about 6 years old. Before giving me the poem, he took the photo out of the album, cut it into the shape of a heart and placed it at the center of the poem, which is now a cherished keepsake for me, his Mom.
His friend also told me (at Kevin's memorial service) that Kevin told him that he had a strong desire to "say all the things he had always meant to say to me" in the poem, which he entitled "My Beautiful Mother."
Because I miss my youngest son at this our family's favorite season, I read that poem again today, after hearing the song "I'll Be Home for Christmas" playing on the radio and I thought of how I would give anything, if Kevin could be "home for Christmas."
For a few minutes, I reflected on our many Christmases together as a family and I found myself taking down the poem where it hangs on the wall to read it again, focusing on the part where he writes . . . "I'm sorry for those who can't remember Christmases spent with you in the month of December. I still look back at what I miss, so many things you healed with just a kiss. I close my eyes desperately to relive the past, only to find out that it can't last . . . "
The part "I close my eyes desperately to relive the past, only to find out that it can't last" suddenly expressed my feelings exactly, but at the very same time another thought came to me that Kevin is now at home WITH Christmas - with Christ Himself, and my sorrow and sadness was replaced with a profound sense of peace.
Though our family will spend another Christmas without Kevin and he will be missed as he has been these past 15 Christmases since he headed off to Heaven, we once again hold onto the promise of John 3:16 that who ever believes that Jesus is the "way, the truth and the life" will spend Eternity with HIm; our entire family believes that promise and Kevin believed it, too, so surely he is at HOME WITH CHRISTMAS, and we're one Christmas closer to being there, too!
With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"