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Is it OK to Question God?

8/17/2021

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I woke up this morning at 4:30 am with a lot of questions for God, and I couldn't go back to sleep, because my mind kept sorting through all the questions I have for Him.

I tried to pray, but couldn't find the words, as I wrestled with my thoughts and concerns.  At one point, I realized that I had to get up, turn on the lights downstairs and make my way to the place in my living room where I sit with Him. It's been too long since I have just sat with Him, talking to Him.

"Why did I wake up so early this morning, Father? Was it your wake-up call to spend time with You? Why couldn't I pray? Why was I restless and wrestling with so many questions?

After a few minutes of sitting in silence (with a hot cup of coffee in hand), I reached for a book that I am reading written by Lois Tverberg entitled "Walking in the dust of Rabbi Jesus - How the Jewish words of Jesus can change your life."

Opening the book, I thumbed through the pages to the next chapter to be read, and to my delight the chapter was on "praying with chutzpah" - praying boldly with tenacity.  So much of what Lois Tverberg writes in her book rings true for me and this morning's chapter was just what I needed to remind myself of the importance of taking all my cares and questions to God.

A few weeks ago, I met a grieving mom new to me, and there was an immediate bond between us. Our conversation went deep quickly, as a mutual friend introduced us and had shared something of my loss with her. She has suffered the loss of her only child - a beautiful daughter and she is heartbroken.

At on point in our conversation, this precious mom asked me the question that so many "moms like us" ask; "Why my child. Why now?" This heartbroken mom also shared that she was angry with God, which is not unusual and actually very common. In response to her questions, I shared my belief that it's OK to ask God questions, and it's even OK to be angry with Him for a time.

The following statements I read this morning confirmed my belief that God knows our hearts and understands our need for questions to be answered -  it's actually a sign of humility and acknowledging that He is in control. 

" . . . it's an ancient Jewish assumption that an intimate faith in God is tenacious, even to the point of being a little pushy at times, because God is worthy of our trust." -Brad Young

"Sometimes asking questions is a way to demonstrate humility, because inherent in the questions is the assumption that I do not have the answers, God does. Sincere questions give God respect. They acknowledge His power. They honor Him."-Lois Tverberg

Waking up with lots of questions about what's going on in our Nation, Afghanistan, around the world and within my personal life, my restless, wrestling soul was hungry and thirsty for answers that only God could provide. It has been awhile, since I carved out time to be alone with God, worshiping and praising Him, bringing my questions and concerns to Him, simply spending time and talking to my Father. How long has it been since you carved out time to sit and talk to Him?

What questions do you have that only He can answer? Will you make time and space for Him to meet with you?  I hope so, because I have found Him to be faithful and this morning was evidence one again that He is always with us, ready, willing and able to talk to spend time with us, to answer our questions, which is why I do not hesitate to ask, expecting to receive.

With Love and Blessings Always,
Angie "a mom like you"
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Seeds and Soil

7/28/2021

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Perhaps it is because of the many months of COVID restrictions that our town's garden centers have had an increase in sales and limited supplies of plants, flowers, fruits and vegetables. When Spring came to Colorado, people were out and about planting seeds, gardening, working in their yards and enjoying the beauty of our land.

Bob and I have never planted so much like we did this Spring. We planted a salsa raised garden box, many large barrels and raised beds of herbs and spices, asparagus, tomatoes, tomatillos, green pole beans, squash, peppers, pumpkins and even a few stalks of corn, which should provide a tasty treat for the squirrels and raccoons, if not for us to eat.

For the first time ever, I planted vegetables and flowers from seeds, and to my delight the seeds pushed through the soil, which let me know they were well planted in good soil that would promote growth for a harvest to come.

During our time of planting, I thought of a couple we know who's only daughter died suddenly this past May of a seizure. She was a beautiful 28 year old soon to be engaged, the same age and in the same season of her life, as our son, Kevin.

Bob and I have stayed in close contact with this grieving dad and mom,  and we have talked with them several times about how they are doing and what they are experiencing, as we empathize with their pain and sorrow, and we love and care deeply for them.

In a recent phone conversation, the dad asked Bob and I how we navigated through our grief, kept our faith and our sanity. Bob shared that we both held on to our hope of seeing and being with our son, Kevin, again in Eternity.  In recalling how we both were intentional about holding on to our eternal hope, I was reminded of how I didn't want the seeds of pain and sorrow to be too deeply rooted within me. I didn't want to stop growing and I knew that life goes on, and I had to somehow get my "happy" back.

My personal journey through grief strengthened my core personality and solidified my identity in Christ. My journey enhanced my faith and caused me to surrender absolutely to the sovereignty of God. I fully embraced God's love and grace. To this day, nearly 20 years since Kevin died, the seeds of compassion, empathy and mercy for those who grieve continue to be planted and bear fruit in Bob and I. We are both more loving, more caring and concerned for those who are hurting and for that we are grateful. We needed to change and the changes in us saved our marriage. We are both better for the wear and the tears.

What are the seeds growing within you precious mom? How is the soil of your heart?

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
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"What a Day Can Hold"

7/6/2021

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Recently, I received the phone call that every Human Resource professional does not want to receive. One of my employees passed away. Only 23 years old, he had his whole future in front of him.

A graduate of the prestigious Cornell University, he was a great employee who loved his family and was involved in giving back, because he knew the good future he had because he grew up with opportunities not everyone has and he made sure to be grateful and humble. He was just a great kid!

Heartbroken to hear his father cry, while telling me of his loss, brought me right back to when our family had the doctor come out and tell us the dreaded news that my son, Tommy, was not going to make it, and we had to prepare for the biggest loss you can imagine after his death caused by spinal meningitis.

While talking with the grieving dad, I had to hold back tears to make it through the call. When I shared with him that I knew that he was going through, this amazing man could only think of his wife and what she was going through. He asked if I could spend some time talking with her about my experience, and I prayed for strength to help this mom through this difficult time, because someone did that for me (Angie Green) and I need to pay it forward.

We never know what minute, hour, or a day can hold. This could never be more true than for the Clancy family right now, as they begin their journey through grief. I am asking that everyone who might read this will say a prayer for them.

Robbin - "a mom like you"
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"My Father, Your Father"

7/6/2021

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"Jesus said to her, “Do not cling to Me, for I have not yet ascended to My Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God.’” —John 20:17

On the morning of the Resurrection, Jesus didn’t allow Mary to touch Him. He was essentially saying, “It’s not going to be the way it used to be. You can’t hold on to Me in the old way. It’s a new covenant.” 

Then He made a radical statement: “Go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God’” (John 20:17). For Jesus to call God His Father was one thing. But He said, “I am ascending to My Father and your Father. . . .” In other words, “He is your Father now too.”

This past Father's Day marked the 61st without my dad who died in 1960, when I was 12 and my brother was 8 years old. On the day my dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack, I felt fatherless and I knew that God was going to have to be my Father from that point on, and so He has been. He became my  Abba (daddy) overnight, and I needed a Father as faithful as He in the years that followed and I continue to need Him to be my Father.

God can be the Father we never had. Jesus opened up a new relationship for us through His death on the Cross and His Resurrection from the dead. No longer must we go through a high priest to seek atonement for our sins, because Jesus became the final sacrifice for our sins. And He has given us free access to God the Father, to whom we can come in times of need.

"Do you know God as your Father? Or does He seem like some distant force? If that is the case, I have good news for you: God is not some mere force or distant power somewhere in the Universe. He is personal, He is caring and He loves you. And, that is why He sent His Son to die on the Cross in our place." - Greg Laurie, Harvest Ministries

If you feel fatherless, all you have to do is speak His Name and He will come in your time of need. I know this to be true in my own life, and I pray it will be true for you, as well.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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"A Mother Like Me" Book

6/25/2021

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"Writers write to keep the windows of words open."
@AnG 2020
It is with humility that I have written a book entitled "A Mother Like Me - A Conversation With a Grieving Mom About Faith, Hope and Love in Loss."

For several years, many people have encouraged me to write a book about my personal journey through grief, which began with the death of my dad, when I was 12 years, and was intensified and lengthened after the sudden cardiac death of our youngest son, Kevin, in 2002.

I have always written, but never imagined that I would complete a book and be in the process of publishing. I put pen to paper on this difficult, but very important subject, as someone with the experience of loss and grieving, and a long walk with God.

Once I began to write, I couldn't stop. My personal story of loss, grief and healing poured out of me. After my husband, Bob, read the first few chapters he said, "Honey, this needs to be published. This will help a hurting mom in her grief and I'll support you anyway I can."  One way he has supported me is by reading each and every page several times, and not so much as flinch at the cost of content and copy editing.

Several close friends, as well as Dr. Alan Wofhelt, Director for the Center of Loss and Transition, have read the completed manuscript with very encouraging responses that keep me focused and committed to publishing. 

My story is a story of tragedy and a testament of praise. It is a comprehensive, conversational look at loss, grief and how it affected me, my husband and our family. Our grief was intense. What grief isn't? We were not prepared or equipped for what was to come, after the sudden death of our youngest son, and as we stepped into the "valley of the shadow of death." (Psalm 23:4)

Early in my writing the book, I realized that my heart and soul were still so very tender, while I was also amazed at how God was fully present to me every step of the way. I spent most of my grieving alone, and He was my primary source of comfort and strength. He became my "refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1 (NIV).  

In writing, I had to revisit some very painful and emotional times, and I also realized that the pain of such a great loss is always just a thought or a memory away. After nearly 20 years I think I tried to convince myself that the more time that past, the less it would hurt. Now, I know even more than before that time doesn't heal, God heals. He is truly El Roi, the God who sees; El Shaddai - the All Sufficient One; Jehovah-Jireh - the LORD will provide and Jehovah-Rapha - the LORD who heals.

"A Mother Like Me" is dedicated to mothers who have suffered the loss of a child. We are an uncommon community of moms connected by loss, and because of our love for our children. I would have had little to say about grief without the blessing of knowing all the moms who have journeyed with me through the years. Knowing these "heroes of hope," as I call them,  has been an amazing blessing, considering and because of the context of our relationship.

I hope that the words of my hurting and hopeful heart will encourage a hurting mom somehow, somewhere. It seems to me that God is why a book finds it readers. If my book finds someone and encourages someone who is hurting, my hope and fervent prayer will be fulfilled. 

Please pray that I will find the best publishing option, as there are many and the world of publishing is changing fast and can seem overwhelming. However, "with God all things are possible!"

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"


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"God is With Us Always!"

8/9/2020

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As I was recently reading Isaiah 43:2 and listening to a message by Pastor Greg Laurie www.harvesthome.org,  I was reminded in these COVD-19 Pandemic times that God will protect us until our time on Earth ends. 

Mark 16:18 tells us that we are protected by God.

Philippians 1:21 says that "to live is Christ," and that God is greater than death.

Matthew 14:22-23 encourages us to "Be courageous and brave" and to not live in fear. 


There have been many times these past few months, when I have been VERY afraid.  Afraid for our Country and for our children, that evil and wickedness may overcome and change or even destroy our Nation, and that we, as Christians, will face pending persecution.

In my fear, I have had to intentionally remind myself whose I am, as I cry out to God to be present and to calm me in these stormy, uncertain times and seasons. 

I believe, without a doubt, that Jesus is with us always - "watching us with great interest and concern."- Greg Laurie  

We are not alone - He cares and is interceding on our behalf.

I know and have experienced the truth that Jesus is God, came to us in the flesh - fully human, and he not only understands us, but he meets us in our humankind with love, grace and mercy. 

Matthew 14:30 tells us that we should not be afraid when looking at a storm, which also reminds me to keep my eyes, my focus, my heart turned toward Jesus.  It's Jesus that gets me through anything and everything - and He has never failed or forsaken me - NEVER!  When I have stayed close to Him, when I have trusted Him, He has been fully present to me without fail.

Jesus tells me to keep my eyes on Him and remember that He promises us that He will be with us always - "unto the end of the age" (and until the end of our life here on Earth).

As always, and especially in the storms of my life, I ask myself these two questions, perhaps you may ask them, too . . ."Is Jesus living in my life? Is He living inside me?"

For me, the answers are always the same "YES and YES!"  

Jesus is HERE ALWAYS!  "Be of good cheer - the Lord is near!"  

I hope you are experiencing the presence of Jesus in this storm that we are facing and living in each and everyday during these hard times. I hope you are also realizing and reveling in the reality that God loves you, has redeemed you through Jesus at the Cross and that we have nothing to fear, but rather have an eternal hope of His presence in our lives and life everlasting starting now! 

With Faith, Hope and Love in Christ,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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"Love Your Enemies?"

7/20/2020

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As I have written before, "it is REALLY difficult for me to obey the words of Jesus to "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."  (Matthew 5:43-48)

As a follower (not just believer) of Jesus, I cannot pick and choose from God's Holy Word what I will or will not accept as truth that requires my attention and obedience? 

I know who's side I'm on - God's - but to love, not just forgive my enemies, requires much more than I, myself, can draw from. I have to lean into God's truth that with Him, even loving my enemies is possible.

With all that is going on in our Country and around the World, it often seems that we are surrounded by enemies attacking from abroad and from within our own borders. Our government, it's agencies, judges, attorneys, special interest and hate groups seem to have the power over us in this time and season of our Nation's history. Those who threaten our way of life and our freedom live in my neighborhood and within my community, and I often imagine a cultural war in our streets with our enemies attacking not only our values and beliefs, but bringing physical harm those they consider their enemies.

Though I could simply ignore the words of Jesus to "love your enemies," I am serious about following, trusting and obeying Him, but never before have I sensed such evil and wickedness in our land and in some of its' people. Before now, I assumed that our enemies were out there, not in here.

In these tumultuous times, I seek to hold onto the eternal hope that I know is real, hoping and praying for those known and unknown to me who may be intent upon destroying the foundations and fabric of our way of life. I pray for a miracle, but also know how the story of the world ends with Jesus coming back to establish His Kingdom on earth "as it is in Heaven." In this time, this season, I believe this could be an amazing time of spiritual revival for our land and it's people. For that I am fervently praying.

How can I love my enemies? I believe it is by realizing that if not for the grace of God, I could be them. I could be an enemy of God, of His goodness, righteousness and His people. I know what I am capable of; I have lied, stolen (bubble gum and changed price tags), hated, wandered away from Him, disobeyed Him, stepped outside of His will, been unforgiving, judgemental and critical of others, and desired to do things my way, rather than His way. Thankfully, He has never left me to my own demise for very long, and He humbles and forgives me. For me, His way is the only way!

Will you join me in praying for our enemies - those who have yet to experience God's love, grace and redemption? Those who are "blind and cannot see." I strongly believe that it is not a coincidence that we are called and chosen to follow Jesus, and we certainly cannot apply His words in our life, without His Spirit within us.

May we be spirit-filled, faithful people of God who are "light and salt" for the lost and those in darkness. And, may we never forget that we, ourselves, are saved by His GRACE and called according to His Name for His sake. 

In Jesus Name,
Angie, "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
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Holy Grief

6/3/2020

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With all that is happening in our Country and around the World, it is no surprise that grief related to the loss of a child may intensify, as we try to understand what is happening, and if our way of life is going to change completely with no hope of redeeming what has been lost.  

Sound familiar? That is precisely how I felt after the death of our son, Kevin. I wondered if we would ever "redeem what had been lost." 

During times like these, it is my nature, and I am intentional about drawing closer to God, leaning into Him and asking Him to be present to me, as I search for answers to my many questions and concerns. I often imagine that Jesus is sitting next to me, ready and willing to listrn to the cares and cries of my heart,

​In my needing God's revelations in my perplexities, He is always faithful to comfort, strengthen and renew my hope that no matter what, He is with me - with all of His people - in the storms of life.  I thank Him with all of my heart, that He knows just what I need when I need it, and He uses His Word and the words of fellow sojourners to speak hope into my life.
​
Today, I was reminded of a poem written by Ken Heckman, a Dad who suffered the loss of his son, and I hope it will be of some comfort and encouragement to you, as it was to me. I have personally experienced that trials and hard times will take us to a holy, sacred place, if we allow God to use our life experiences for good,

May we expeirience His peace in these troubling times, and strength to hold fast to our faith no matter what we may face now and in the future. No matter what the voices in our head or the World may say, God is our anchor and His plans for us are for good -"to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11  As we walk through yet another "tunnel of grief" - may it lead us to a "holy place."  

​In Christ Always, Angie "a mom like you." 

Holy Grief by Ken Hekman
"The tunnel of grief is a holy place,
A cavern of wisdom and care;
A setting to meet God face to face,
and share every shred of despair.

Priorities change from the burden of grief,
We shed our familiar facade.
Our souls, in search of pain's relief,
Discover a hunger for God.

With eyes dimmed by tears we catch a view
Of life as it's meant to be.
A sorrowing soul can be renewed
And sadness can set it free.

So look for revival that only flows
From rivers of sorrow and pain.
And, reach for the Lord as one who knows
The holiness grief can attain."

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Caught in a "Time Warp" of Grief

1/11/2020

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"To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under Heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

As of January 10, 2020, our youngest son, Kevin, has been gone from us for 18 years.  Each year since his death, I am transported back to that day, as if it only happened minutes ago. I can feel the intense, paralyzing pain and sorrow. I relive the last time I saw and talked to him that morning, and I can still say word for word what I was told, when the nurse from the hospital  called to tell me that our son was in "critical condition."

The memories are vivid! And, though I know I was in shock, I can recall every word spoken, every sensation, every image, every tear, every emotion, as though I am there now.

In supporting and encouraging grieving moms for more than a decade, I learned that this experience is not uncommon for those who have suffered the loss of a precious child. Actually, most grieving moms I know experience this same sensation of being taken back - transported in time to that day that changed our lives completely.

This year, I was able to better describe this experience and I now realize that I experience a kind of "time warp." The definition of a time warp is: "(especially in science or fiction) an imaginary distortion of space in relation to time whereby people or objects of one period can be moved to another."  It wasn't until this year, 18 years later, that I found the words to better describe what happens to me and I am very grateful for this realization.

My husband, Bob, and I ended the day by taking our son, David and his wife, Vel, who also  live in Colorado, out for an intimate Italian dinner.  We spent more than 2 hours talking about Kevin's life and death, and how he made such a difference in all of our lives.  We also talked about how we have all changed, since we suffered the loss of him, and that even though we still hurt from the loss and miss him so much, we have personally/collectively realized the importance of not taking anyone or anything for granted, and that time is definitely "fleeting" and not to be wasted. 

Our oldest son, Eric, said to me that he was "thinking of how according to God's Word that for Kevin, time is irrelevant, because in God's Kingtom, time has no significance, so for him he doesn't suffer as we do in counting the days, weeks, months and years without being together." That's an amazing and somewhat difficult truth to grasp, but God tells us this is so, and we believe Him, and agree that will be the case for us someday, when we enter God's Kingdom to find Kevin there waiting to welcome us as citizens of Heaven. 

Now that I better understand what happens to me on the anniversary date, I believe that next year, I will not be caught by surprise, when I am "moved from one period of time to another." I think this new realization will be helpful to me in the coming years, and perhaps I won't experience that "time warp" in the same way I have for the past 18 years.

Have you, as a "mom like me," experienced your own "time warp?" How do you handle that day on the calendar that will probably take you back in time?  I hope that you let yourself feel what you need to feel, but that you also have the eternal hope that sustains you, as you continue to live without your son or daughter in anticipation of being reunited in the future.

Back in the PRESENT with Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com


​

 


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The Sweetest Gift

12/26/2019

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I don't know why I think every year that maybe THIS Christmas won't have an element of sorrow intertwined with the joy and celebrations.  

This year, like all those since the loss of our son, Kevin in 2002 (and now my little brother, Russ in 2019) was no exception in that though I was busy and happy preparing for Christmas, sorrow accompanied me from time to time, and I was reminded that it will most likely be a familiar part of Christmases yet to come. 

As always, the Lord was faithful to minister His comfort and hope to me, as I found myself recalling Christmases past, when our young family was all together and the house and our hearts burst with fun, and the magic of Christmas. Though we had faced some significant trials and challenges throughout the years, there was never any thought of how things might change, and how our Christmas joy might be challenged and even tested.

This Christmas, like all Christmases, was filled with great joy and celebration. Traditions were kept, new memories were made with my husband, sons and their wives, grandchildren, great grandsons, friends and neighbors . . .  life goes on, the joys and celebration of Christmas have not ended, because Jesus is at the heart and soul of the Green family Christmases.

Today is the day after Christmas - the day when I don't get out of my pajamas, put on make-up or do much of anything other than resting, reflecting and re-booting for the New Year soon to be.   I came across this song today on Facebook, and knowing where my son is and who he is with certainly brings  "tidings of great joy" to my mother's heart. I share it with the hope that this song will resonate true in someone else's heart, too!

"The Sweetest Gift" by the Piano Guys . . https://youtu.be/0yFXfAGl17M

With Love, Compassion and Hope,
Angie "a mom like you"



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