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"Growing Through Pain"

6/20/2019

I have learned that any pain, including the pain of the loss of a child, is part of life, and it is how we respond to the pain that determines whether or not we will learn and grow in and through the pain or stunt our growth.

In companioning with hundreds of "moms like me," I have often been concerned and even burdened when I realize that a mom is stuck where we don't belong - in the shadows of grief.

Why would anyone choose to stay in the shadow of the tomb?

Professonal bereavement experts will tell us that's because we somehow make our child an "idol" in our life. Of course, it is absolutely necessary that we grieve the loss of our beloved child/children, but moving out of the "shadows of death" is also absolutely necessary, if we are to truly heal and live our lives in a healthy way.

Our child is gone and we can't change that reality. The pain and sorrow is intense, but as this quote states "nothing is as painful as being stuck where you don't belong," and as long as there is breath in us, I believe, and have experienced, that we are meant to grow through our pain, not stay where we "don't belong,"

Some say "time heals all wounds," but I say time can make the woundedness worse, if we do not pay attention to growing through the pain. If we get stuck, it is because we focus too much on our pain and not enough on the hope for better days ahead. And, as for me, my hope is in the promises of God that keep me from living in the shadows, when I can live in the Light of Christ.

How about you, precious mom? Are you stuck or growing?

Always in Love and with Blessings,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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"Cleanse Me"

6/17/2019

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Many, many times in my life, I have prayed "Cleanse me of anything that breaks Your Heart, LORD, and keep me from sinning against you and others."

I think the most difficult time in my life, when I was in need of the deepest cleansing, was in response to the loss of our son, Kevin. Though I was not angry at God for taking my son, I found that it was people who didn't know how to comfort or console me in my grief that caused me to be angry and in need of God's cleansing and peace.

Touched by dark shadows of death, I could feel myself sinking into self-pity and depression. It seemed as though I was alone in my grief, my heart was broken and was turning cold. Always a "people person" for a few months after Kevin's death I didn't trust that anyone understood what I was experiencing and I didn't want to connect with anyone who didn't know how to talk to me about my sorrow and pain.

Once I realized what was happening inside me in response to my loss, I began to cry out to God to help me not break anyone else's heart (especially not His) in my brokenness. And, in realizing what was happening to me, and connecting my broken heart with the Healer, my broken heart became soft and warm again and even more loving, more compassionate, more merciful and more comforting, He cleansed and healed me as only He can!

I believe that no one, except the LORD our God, has the power or the means by which to cleanse and heal us. How I hope that if you are reading this today and know that you are in need of cleansing and healing peace, that you will allow Him into your sorrow and pain and to do what only He can do. "I AM the ony one to bring out the miracle in you, says the Lord."

Blessings and Hugs,
Angie "a mom like you"

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Does Time Heal All Wounds?

5/30/2019

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The quote below is for those who may think that it's "time" that heals our broken hearts from loss. And, what exactly is meant by we "learn to live with it"??? I believe it means that at some point we must accept our life as continuing on for good without the person we love and are missing, This takes "time" and also attention to making sure that we are grieving with hope; hope that our broken hearts will heal, that our lives are not over and we can not only survive the loss, but thrive once again - embracing the life still before us with HOPE! This has certainly been true for me - "a mom like you!" -Angie

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What Makes Me Happy?

5/22/2019

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When I think of being happy, I think of our great-grandson, when he was 1 year old, who came into the house, looked around, realized where he was, smiled a big smile at me and started clapping his hands . . .that was such a special moment and his happiness and excitement made me happy!

I also got a call the other day from my daughter-in-law who said that our 2 year old great-grandson in California asked her to "call MiMi!" That made me happy!

These two simple recent memories certainly makes my "soul happy!" And, today our youngest granddaughter is graduating from High School and going on to CSU for her college experience, and this makes me HAPPY!

Too often, when we are hurting and grieving, we forget that there is still a place for happiness in our lives.

As one who is very familiar with loss and grief, I have found that I have to be intentional about making room for happiness, not only thinking about what makes me happy, but actually making a list to review at a later time, when I may forget that even as I live with sorrow and loss, I can still find a measure of joy and happiness in my everyday life.

There are LOTS of things that make me happy. What makes you happy? I encourage you to take a few minutes and make a HAPPY list and you may be surprised, as I was, at all that makes your "soul happy." I was surprised at the length of my list and maybe you will be, too. ENJOY!

What makes me HAPPY . . .

*Waking up to the chirping and melodious sounds of the birds (especially the coo of doves and the robin's song).
*Music - all kinds!
*Being surrounded by beauty; nature, beautiful people and surroundings.
*Books (all around me).
*Finishing reading a book - a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
*Gardens, Trees and Flowers.
*Choosing, planting and watching veggies and fruits grow and bear fruit.
*Working in a garden - planting, pruning, trimming and digging in the dirt.
*Valleys - especially those will green pastures and wild flowers.
*Streams and bodies of water - any kind of moving water; waterfalls, water foundations/features, rivers and the ocean.
*A fragrant, hot cup of coffee of tea.
*Teatime with a close friend or my grandaughters.
*Going to a good movie - always a favorite date with my hubby.
*Bathing/Showering - the scent and fragrance of soap, shampoo and conditioner; the warmth and refreshment of running water over my body.
*Crawling into bed under clean sheets.
*Sitting outside on the porch.
*My sons and their families - just looking at them makes me happy - they are all beautiful people-inside and out.
*Learning new things.
*Taking drives not knowing where I'm going, just exploring new places.
*Singing with someone - a duet, trio, ensemble or choir. I am definitely meant to be a part of a "concert" of prayer through lyrics and melodies.
*Harvesting herbs, veggies and fruits that I've tended and watched grow.
*Seeing miracles happen in people's lives.
*Fellowshipping with those who love and honor the Lord above all else.
*Studying and memorizing God's Word (hiding it/Him in my heart).
*Sharing the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with those with eyes to see and ears to hear.
*Being a part of something larger and more important than myself - this is an essential "imperative" for me.
*Belly laughing with someone who has a bigger and louder belly laugh than I do.
*A good joke.
*A new, fresh opportunity.
*A vision that I know comes from God.
*Seeing a God-given vision come to fruition.
*Getting organized and staying that way, but making time and room for Sabbath and pajama days.
*Snowy days.
*Sunny days.
*Rainy days.
*Busy, spiritual and relational fruit-bearing days.
*Being around people who know they are loved and are living FREE.
*Being in the company of those who are creative, wise and inspirational, and who love to serve and help others.
*Hearing a melody with lyrics and being able to score it and hear it played or sung by someone other than me.
*Taking a trip for FUN and adventure or as a "pilgrimage" in Christ.
*Seeing our children and grandchildren happy, at peace and loving and following Christ.
*Making a real difference in someone's life and the world - for Christ.
*When I feel and know that I am loved and am important to someone I love.
*Eating popcorn!
*Taking a peaceful, restful and refreshing nap.
*Fresh eggs from "home-grown" chickens - tee hee~
*Sleeping through the night with sweet or "telling" dreams of those who are no longer here with me on this Earth.
*Waking in the morning with excitement for what a new day may bring my way.
*Living in peace with God, myself and others.
*Dancing.
*Knowing that God is watching me, paying attention to me, delighted in me and fully present to me.
*Making other people feel "seen" and special.
*The sense of cleansing after repenting of my sins against God and others.
*Being the reason someone giggles or laughs out loud.
*Knowing that I am loved and appreciated not for what I do, but for who I am.
*Being in the company of good men and women who love JESUS - men and women "after God's own heart."
*Interacting playfully with family and friends.
*Finishing what I start.
*A clean house!!!

How about sitting down and making your list now?

With a Happy Soul Today,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikem@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

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"Let Deep Speak to Deep" - Henri Nouwen

5/1/2019

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In the days following the recent death/loss of a young woman who is a "daughter of my heart," the LORD led me to Henri Nouwen's book
"The Inner Voice of Love" where I came across the words that I needed to hear in my time of sorrow and pain.

Wendi and I were connected heart and soul from the first time we met more than 30 years ago, when she was just a teenager. She is now another person I love who has "gone on before me." Henry Nouwen's words were just the words that I needed to hear at just the right time.

If you would like to learn about the life's work of Wendi Miller who was murdered over the Holy Week weekend, you can google her name and go to the Wing's For Justice website at www.wingsforjustice.com.

I hope Henri Nouwen's words are comforting and encouraging for you, and I highly recommend this book and all of his books - he is one of Wendi's and my most treasured authors!

“When you "love" someone or "miss" someone, you experience an inner pain. Bit by bit you have to discover the nature of pain. When your deepest self is connected with the deepest self of another, that person’s absence may be painful, but it will lead to a profound communion with the person, because loving each other is loving in God.

When the place where God dwells in you is intimately connected with the place where God dwells in the other, the absence of the other person is not destructive. On the contrary, it will challenge you to enter more deeply into communion with God, the source of all unity and communion among people.

It is also possible on the other hand that the pain of absence will show you that you are out of touch with your own deeper self. You need the other to experience inner wholeness, to have a sense of well-being. You have become emotionally dependent on the other and sink into depression because of his or her absence. It feels as if the other has taken away a part of you that you cannot live without. Then the pain of absence reveals a certain lack of trust in God’s love. But, God is enough for you.

True love between two human beings puts you more in touch with your deepest self. It is a love in God. The pain you experience from the death or absence of the person you love, then, always calls you to a deeper knowledge of God’s love. God’s love is all the love you need, and it reveals to you the love of God in the other. This is “deep speaking to deep,” a mutuality in the heart of God, who embraces both of you.

Death or absence does not end or even diminish the love of God that brought you to the other person. It calls you to take a new step into the mystery of God’s inexhaustible love. This process is painful, very painful, because the other person has become a true revelation of God’s love for you. But the more you are stripped of the God-given support of people, the more you are called to love God for God’s sake. This is an awesome and even dreadful love, but it is the love that offers eternal life.”

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"I Surrender!"

4/23/2019

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Nothing in my life "buckled" me like the death of our youngest son, Kevin. I've had many "buckling" moments, but the death of our son, is what "helped me fall into the arms of God" and His grace, like nothing else.

Death has a way of showing us the reality that we really don't have control, and that thinking that we do is simply an illusion that doesn't serve us well in this life or prepare us for what's ahead.

After the death of our son, I surrendered ALL - I held nothing back, surrendering completely to the sovereignty of God.

In that defining season of my life, I was literally set free of any lies that I may have believed at one time that I was in control somehow.

Sometimes we have to be "buckled" for our own good. This weekend, my family was "buckled" by the murder of our precious Wendi Miller, who was a "daughter of my heart." How could this happen to someone so good, kind, compassionate, full of life, and the joy of living? She was completely surrendred to God - How could this be part of God's plan for "good?" Why her, why now?

Wendi was absolutely surrendered - she knew what it meant to be "yielded and still" and had the confidence and assurance that God was enough. She loved her son and daughter passionately and was devoted fully to them though they had been wrongfully ripped away from her at a very young age by her x-husband through a corrupt family court system in Michigan. You can read her story at www.wingsforjustice.com.

Though I am very acquainted with grief and loss, Wendi's murder threw me to my knees and I have been overwhelmed and somewhat paralyzed with grief. All I can think about is her and her children and family - knowing so well what they are going through breaks my heart. However, once again, as with the loss of all my loved ones through the years, knowing that she is now in the arms of Jesus is fills my broken heart with hope and comfort, I am once again required to surrender and accept God's will.

Death makes us look at life in a different way, but when we come to a place of complete surrender it causes me to look ahead to my own time when I, too, will be gone from this Earth. Death causes me to be much more aware of how I am spending my time and to challenge my priorities and what I value, as well as challenging me to live more passionately and with much more JOY! Suddenly, all the other cares and concerns fade away and it is the light of Christ and the hope of Eternity that I see.

How about you? Are you still trying to control what you have no control over? Do you wrestle with the reality that God may just be calling you to "surrender absolutely?"

Rest in Peace, our precious Wendi, and I know you'll do what you said you would do, if you headed HOME before me . . . that you will meet up with Kevin, and the rest of my loved ones who have gone on ahead of me, telling them that "we are faithful, trusting, yielded and surrendered, and that our love for them goes on and on and on." I am "buckled" by the loss of you, but I will collapse in the arms of Jesus once more.

Surrendered,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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"Jesus Makes God Visible"

4/16/2019

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In preparing my heart for this Holy Week and Easter, I recently was sharing with a close friend how I long to see Jesus face-to-face and how much easier it would be to be faithful, if He wasn't invisible to us.

As always, the Holy Spirit was faithful to speak into my desire to experience Jesus in the flesh, as He lead to me to some notes that I had taken many years ago from an Anne Graham Lotz "Just Give Me Jesus" Conference.

Ann Graham Lotz is the daughter of Billy Graham one of the most anointed evangelists of all time who shared the Good News of The Cross with millions of people all over the world.

Though not with us in the flesh, Jesus Makes God Visible because . . .

HE is enduringly strong.
HE is entirely sincere.
HE is eternally steadfast.
HE is immortally gracious.
HE is imperially powerful.
HE is impartially merciful.
HE is God's Son.
HE is the sinner's Savior.
HE is the captive's Ransom.
HE is the Breath and Bread of Life.
HE is the centerpiece, the epicenter of civilization.
HE is unparralled.
HE is unprecedented.
HE is undisputed and unshakable.
HE is the Cornertone, the Capstone and the Stumbling Stone of all religion.
HE is the miracle of AGES.

Jesus is Emmanuel - God with us - and it was good to be reminded that though I cannot see Him, He is with us ALWAYS and that blesses and strengthens me.

Jesus is real, He lived, died on the Cross of Calvary and was resurrected to "make all things new," and to be the "way, the truth and the life" eternally.

May we all experience the real presence of Jesus at this blessed season.
https://myhopewithbillygraham.org/program/the-cross/

Love in Christ Eternally,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

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Healer's Journey

4/10/2019

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Two years after our son, Kevin, died I had a strong desire to help other "mom like me," and after 4 years, I co-founded Mothers Like Me, a comfort ministry for grieving moms.

Over the next decade, I experienced an extra measure of healing for myself, as I comforted, encouraged and companioned with hundreds of grieving moms.

I realized early in my grieving that the journey of grief is not a solo journey and that there is strength in sharing the journey with others who truly understand the pain and sorrow of loss.

Sadly, I have known too many misguided people who think that suffering should be done in silence and alone - afraid that they will be a burden and annoyance to others by sharing their heartache, they mistakenly, needlessly suffer alone and never really find God's healing peace and renewed joy - continuing to live in what I call the "shadows of grief."

Gladly, there are people in this world who have and can express compassion, mercy and genuine empathy for others, and it's usually because they, too, have suffered and have healed that they are willing to help others.

I would say that I have had my fair share of heartache, sorrow, pain, disappointments and spiritual attacks - like arrows in my back - and it is only when I reach out to comfort, encourage or help someone who is suffering that I realize that though I bear the scars, the arrows did not and cannot destroy me. I am stronger and better for the suffering , but even more for caring and helping others, and I never want to stop helping others, which helps the wounds to scar over and completely heal.

The picture above turns my heart toward JESUS, as we prepare to honor and celebrate the sufferings, death and resurrection of our blessed Redeemer King. He took all the "arrows" (nails), all the pain, all the sins of the world upon Himself to redeem us and gift us with Eternal Life, and if there had only been you or me in the world, at the time, He still would have done what He did for His love for us.

May we love others "more than ourselves," and may we who have been comforted "comfort others, as we ourselves have been comforted."

Love and Blessings ALWAYS,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme.info
www.amotherlikeme.info

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A Letter from a "Mom Like Me"

4/8/2019

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My dearest Angie,

You have been on my mind this past week. My husband and I took our oldest two children, their spouses and our three grandbabies on a family vacation to Surfside City, SC on Monday.

Like every vacation we settled in and began to familiarize ourselves with the area. Finally, I felt settled enough to venture out on my own.

I saw a pier in the distance and set off to explore the sandy terrain. The sky was a vibrant blue and the salty air felt like tiny kisses on my skin. I was pretty certain I could have walked for hours in those conditions. As I walked through the fine sugar, I recounted my childhood adventures at the beach just a few miles from where I was walking. Then I played back the beach vacations I had taken my daughters on; nothing somber or sullen, just fragments of sillyness and delight came to my mind.

And then I saw young surfers- one girl - five boys - and one patient mom helping them wiggle into their wetsuits.

I have never surfed nor have I given it much attention or thought. But on this particular day, I stood back and watched these innocent, beautiful teenagers paddle with all of their might, attempting to catch a wave only to be toppled into the sea. The exercise was repeated over and over until finally a successful journey to the shore was won. The others didn't make a fuss or cheer each other on, it was like an unspoken adoration shown only by each of them not giving up.

I can't say for sure how long I stood there, but I saw a lot of falls and a few great rides. The tenacity was unwavering. The quiet respect to the ocean and each other was awe inspiring. I thought of your son, Kevin, and how he must have had a similar demeanor - a calm in knowing there were waves that would be just for him. I thought about how each wave was unique and would never be repeated. I reflected on how God is so consistent at loving us just the same as He is at bringing the waves to the shores - each unique, each intentional, and never-ending.

The ocean brings me great calm and simultaneously exhilaration. I have always viewed it as His mighty hand that brings the magic, power, beauty and strength to those who are blessed to stand on the water's edge. But last week, I was shown it is so much more than that to those who ride the tides. They know how special they are to Him. They know that silence is respect. They know that their brother or sister is deserving of a wave. They know the first wave is only the beginning. And, they understand if they miss one - it wasn't meant to be.

After this experience, I believe surfers must be born with unique souls. I remember you saying Kevin had a "surfer's soul." It must have been the sea in him that drew him to the blue waters. What a wonderful young man I'm certain he was, and I'm saddened that I never had the opportunity to meet such a treasured surfer. And yet, in some strange way, I felt I met the essence of who he was through those six young surfers

I love you and thank you for entering my world at such a dark and heavy time. Thank you for being who He meant you to be. You are a blessing to me.

Love,
Sharon Younie "a mom like you"

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A Miserable Day to End All Miserable Days!

3/28/2019

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Thinking back on that "miserable day to end all miserable days," when our son, Kevin, died - I've recently had some new thoughts about that day.

I've been through some wicked awful days in my life where it's been difficult to enjoy anything good, and that brutal day, when I suffered the loss of our son, sometimes runs through my memories like a bad movie.

When I think of misery, I have an image of falling over in intense pain, holding my head in my hands and sobbing - completely overwhelmed.

For moms like me, it is not difficult to understand my memory of that "miserable day," but others might say "it's just one day, surely you will get over it!"

To grieving moms I ask, "Is that likely to happen?" and we would all agree, "It's not likely," but possible.

Though the memories of that brutal and miserable day may fade, and those memories coming to our minds become less frequent, they are still held in our mind and no amount of time can change this reality.

As I recall those memories now that my broken heart is healing and the intense pain has subsided, I have to say that day is not the most "miserable day to end all miserable days." In truth, the most "miserable" day to end all miserable days" is the day that Jesus was crucified, and He forever bears the scars of His suffering and pain that far outweigh any misery I have or could ever experience. All sin, sorrow, suffering, misery and brutality was placed upon Him for our sake, that we might be forgiven, saved, redeemed and given the free gift of Eternal Life.

Because of His misery, and what He accomplished for our sake, my personal most miserable day takes me to the Cross where Jesus, "a man of sorrow, acquainted with grief" gave His life that all who receive Him, as the Redeeming King, might live eternally.

Our son, Kevin, accepted this truth when he was a young boy, and whenever memories come of the "miserable and brutal" day when he left us, I think of him being resurrected, like Jesus, from death to life in an instant, and I lay down my memories at the Cross with gratitude for what Jesus has done!

May this be a blessed Easter for everyone. -John 3:16

With Faith, Hope and Love in Christ,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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"Growing Through Pain"

"Cleanse Me"

Does Time Heal All Wounds?

What Makes Me Happy?

"Let Deep Speak to Deep" - Henri Nouwen

"I Surrender!"

"Jesus Makes God Visible"

Healer's Journey

A Letter from a "Mom Like Me"

A Miserable Day to End All Miserable Days!

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