All Categories - "A Mother Like Me"

Holy Grief

6/3/2020

With all that is happening in our Country and around the World, it is no surprise that grief related to the loss of a child may intensify, as we try to understand what is happening, and if our way of life is going to change completely with no hope of redeeming what has been lost.

Sound familiar? That is precisely how I felt after the death of our son, Kevin. I wondered if we would ever "redeem what had been lost."

During times like these, it is my nature, and I am intentional about drawing closer to God, leaning into Him and asking Him to be present to me, as I search for answers to my many questions and concerns. I often imagine that Jesus is sitting next to me, ready and willing to listrn to the cares and cries of my heart,

In my needing God's revelations in my perplexities, He is always faithful to comfort, strengthen and renew my hope that no matter what, He is with me - with all of His people - in the storms of life. I thank Him with all of my heart, that He knows just what I need when I need it, and He uses His Word and the words of fellow sojourners to speak hope into my life.

Today, I was reminded of a poem written by Ken Heckman, a Dad who suffered the loss of his son, and I hope it will be of some comfort and encouragement to you, as it was to me. I have personally experienced that trials and hard times will take us to a holy, sacred place, if we allow God to use our life experiences for good,

May we expeirience His peace in these troubling times, and strength to hold fast to our faith no matter what we may face now and in the future. No matter what the voices in our head or the World may say, God is our anchor and His plans for us are for good -"to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 As we walk through yet another "tunnel of grief" - may it lead us to a "holy place."

In Christ Always, Angie "a mom like you."

The tunnel of grief is a holy place,
A cavern of wisdom and care;
A setting to meet God face to face,
and share every shred of despair.

Priorities change from the burden of grief,
We shed our familiar facade.
Our souls, in search of pain's relief,
Discover a hunger for God.

With eyes dimmed by tears we catch a view
Of life as it's meant to be.
A sorrowing soul can be renewed
And sadness can set it free.

So look for revival that only flows
From rivers of sorrow and pain.
And, reach for the Lord as one who knows
The holiness grief can attain.

Caught in a "Time Warp" of Grief

1/11/2020

"To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under Heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

As of January 10, 2020, our youngest son, Kevin, has been gone from us for 18 years. Each year since his death, I am transported back to that day, as if it only happened minutes ago. I can feel the intense, paralyzing pain and sorrow. I relive the last time I saw and talked to him that morning, and I can still say word for word what I was told, when the nurse from the hospital called to tell me that our son was in "critical condition."

The memories are vivid! And, though I know I was in shock, I can recall every word spoken, every sensation, every image, every tear, every emotion, as though I am there now.

In supporting and encouraging grieving moms for more than a decade, I learned that this experience is not uncommon for those who have suffered the loss of a precious child. Actually, most grieving moms I know experience this same sensation of being taken back - transported in time to that day that changed our lives completely.

This year, I was able to better describe this experience and I now realize that I experience a kind of "time warp." The definition of a time warp is: "(especially in science or fiction) an imaginary distortion of space in relation to time whereby people or objects of one period can be moved to another." It wasn't until this year, 18 years later, that I found the words to better describe what happens to me and I am very grateful for this realization.

My husband, Bob, and I ended the day by taking our son, David and his wife, Vel, who also live in Colorado, out for an intimate Italian dinner. We spent more than 2 hours talking about Kevin's life and death, and how he made such a difference in all of our lives. We also talked about how we have all changed, since we suffered the loss of him, and that even though we still hurt from the loss and miss him so much, we have personally/collectively realized the importance of not taking anyone or anything for granted, and that time is definitely "fleeting" and not to be wasted.

Our oldest son, Eric, said to me that he was "thinking of how according to God's Word that for Kevin, time is irrelevant, because in God's Kingtom, time has no significance, so for him he doesn't suffer as we do in counting the days, weeks, months and years without being together." That's an amazing and somewhat difficult truth to grasp, but God tells us this is so, and we believe Him, and agree that will be the case for us someday, when we enter God's Kingdom to find Kevin there waiting to welcome us as citizens of Heaven.

Now that I better understand what happens to me on the anniversary date, I believe that next year, I will not be caught by surprise, when I am "moved from one period of time to another." I think this new realization will be helpful to me in the coming years, and perhaps I won't experience that "time warp" in the same way I have for the past 18 years.

Have you, as a "mom like me," experienced your own "time warp?" How do you handle that day on the calendar that will probably take you back in time? I hope that you let yourself feel what you need to feel, but that you also have the eternal hope that sustains you, as you continue to live without your son or daughter in anticipation of being reunited in the future.

Back in the PRESENT with Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

The Sweetest Gift

12/26/2019

I don't know why I think every year that maybe THIS Christmas won't have an element of sorrow intertwined with the joy and celebrations.

This year, like all those since the loss of our son, Kevin in 2002 (and now my little brother, Russ in 2019) was no exception in that though I was busy and happy preparing for Christmas, sorrow accompanied me from time to time, and I was reminded that it will most likely be a familiar part of Christmases yet to come.

As always, the Lord was faithful to minister His comfort and hope to me, as I found myself recalling Christmases past, when our young family was all together and the house and our hearts burst with fun, and the magic of Christmas. Though we had faced some significant trials and challenges throughout the years, there was never any thought of how things might change, and how our Christmas joy might be challenged and even tested.

This Christmas, like all Christmases, was filled with great joy and celebration. Traditions were kept, new memories were made with my husband, sons and their wives, grandchildren, great grandsons, friends and neighbors . . . life goes on, the joys and celebration of Christmas have not ended, because Jesus is at the heart and soul of the Green family Christmases.

Today is the day after Christmas - the day when I don't get out of my pajamas, put on make-up or do much of anything other than resting, reflecting and re-booting for the New Year soon to be. I came across this song today on Facebook, and knowing where my son is and who he is with certainly brings "tidings of great joy" to my mother's heart. I share it with the hope that this song will resonate true in someone else's heart, too!

"The Sweetest Gift" by the Piano Guys . . https://youtu.be/0yFXfAGl17M

With Love, Compassion and Hope,
Angie "a mom like you"

Walking on the Sacred Path

11/2/2019

As a pediatric nurse, my greatest fear was realized when my 16 year old son died of a self-inflicted gun shot wound. It was the first day of school on September 5, 2000. Nineteen years later I find myself reflecting on a quote from Elizabeth Lesser. At the same time, I am reflecting on my Summer and the realization that I have been walking that "sacred path into the darkness," as Lesser says or as I think of it, the unknown...my FEAR of the many unknowns; losing another child, my future, old age and making the most of the time God gives me.

I am learning that letting go is a part of this "walk" and like grief, it is a process... painful and slow, but necessary for growth and healing. My daughter once said to me, "Mom, if you don't change, you can't grow!"  I don't like change, but I must admit that she is right. Change after the death of a child is not an option. Grief of that magnitude changes us forever!

My "letting go" journey actually began last January, when I decided to no longer color my hair and accept and embrace the hair color that God gave me. It has been a very long process and I still have months to go, but it has been freeing to embrace this new part of me. I love the color my hair is becoming and I just recently got an updated hair style. As Elizabeth Lesser says, "we need to listen to our souls, slow down, feel deeply and see ourselves clearly."

With Fall upon us here in Connecticut, past burdens are being lifted. I'm not sure where God is leading me or what changes are coming, but I know that for now, I am in His waiting room once again. This Summer He gave me this verse from Luke. 24:49 "I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high." These words have special meaning for me, as I must let go of my daughter and her little family and give them my blessing to move to the other side of the Country. Besides burying my son, David, it is the hardest thing love has asked me to do. Once again, my daughter's move has tapped into my greatest fear.

As my relationship with my grandson blossoms into a love like I have never known, my heart is breaking over their upcoming move. This is the darkest part of the sacred path l am walking, and with this "letting go" there is no feeling of freedom. Lesser says to "listen to our souls and stop fighting when things seem to be falling apart or when they don't go our way."  God also reminded me that "love does not demand its own way," (1 Cor.10:13) and things are falling into place as they must. It will take everything in me to let them go. I know that I have no choice and I must trust that God's plan is better than mine. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Letting Go with Hope,
Ann Starke "a mom like you"

Let Deep Speak to Deep

10/19/2019

"When you love and miss someone, you experience an inner pain. Bit by bit you have to discover the nature of pain. When your deepest self is connected with the deeper self of another, that person's absence may be painful, but it will lead to a profound communion with the person, because loving each other is loving in God.

True love between two human beings puts you more in touch with your deepest self. It is a love in God.

The pain you experience from the death or absence of the person you love, then always calls you to a deeper knowledge of God's love. God's love is all the love you need, and it reveals to you the love of God in the other. This is "deep speaking to deep," a mutuality in the heart of God, who embraces both of you.

Death or absence does not end or even diminish the love of God that brought you to the other person. It calls you to take a new step into the mystery of God's inexhaustible love. This process is painful, very painful, because the other person has become a true revelation of God's love for you. But the more you are stripped of the God-given support of people, the more you are called to love God for God's sake. This is an awesome and even dreadful love, but it is the love that offers eternal life." -Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love

Over the past few months, I have experienced a deep sense of pain and an underlying sense of sadness, as I find myself counting the losses of so many I have loved and am missing.

It is challenging for those of us who have suffered great personal loss to easily agree with some of what Henri Nouwen tells us about "deep speaking to deep," but more often than not, all of his words ring absolutely true for me. In my limited, finite condition, I cling to the promises of God that "His love never ends," which means the love for those who have been a "true revelation of God's love" for me never ends either. But, how I long for that human touch, that special laugh, that word of encouragement and expressed love that are no longer mine to experience. But, as Henri Nouwen says, in these times I am most definitely drawn to the "mystery of Gods inexhaustible love."

Henri Nouwen continues to say "when that place where God dwells in you is intimately connected with the place where God dwells in the other, the absence of the other person is not destructive. On the contrary, it will challenge you to enter more deeply into communion with God, the source of all unity and communion among people. It is also possible on the other hand that the pain of absence will show you that you are out of touch with your own deeper self. You need the other to experience inner wholeness, to have a sense of well-being. You have become emotionally dependent on the other and sink into depression, because of his or her absence. It feels as if the other has taken away part of you that you cannot live without. Then the pain of absence reveals a certain lack of trust in God's love. But, God is enough for you."

And, so when I am grieving the loss of those I love, I have to ask myself "is God's love enough?" After a time of personal reflection the answer is always, "Yes! God is enough - no one can fill the empty place in my heart and soul that is meant for You alone!"

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

True Friends

9/17/2019

In the aftermath of loss, heartache and pain, some friendships don't make it, because there are those who we call friends who only want to
"show up when we're happy."

As this quote says, true friends "stay by your side when your heart falls apart," and these are indeed the friends that we must treasure and thank God for - because they know what it means to be a friend through "thick or thin."

As another quote says, some friends are simply "fair weather friends," and if we have even one friend who stays with us in the storms of life, we are blessed.

If we have more than one friend like this, we are really blessed, and if we have a group of friends like this we are super blessed!

All friends are special gifts to us in this life, but "true friends" may be rare, but these are the friendships that last a lifetime and help us to grow and heal. These are also the friendships that seem to grow sweeter and stronger through the years bearing much relational fruit, as we become "friends of the heart." I have discovered in my life that it is those who have the love of Jesus in their hearts that truly know what it means to be a friend and who will "stay closer than a brother."

If you have friends like these, consider telling them how much you value their committment through thick or thin, in the good times and bad . . . write them a thank you note, treat them to coffee or a good meal in a favorite place where you can talk about how much they mean to you and celebrate your friendship with them.

I hope and pray that I will always remember the importance of staying close to those who are hurting, because at some time in life we all hurt. If you don't have people in your life that you consider true friends, you can know and experience that Jesus is the best friend that anyone can ever have. Jesus never disappoints, He understands, He deeply cares about us and He will never "leave or forsake us." I learned a long time ago that He is the truest and dearest friend of all - there is no one like Him!

For Friendship's Sake,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

A New Life

9/9/2019

What does it mean to live a "new life" - to be "born again?"

Those who are followers of Christ believe that all people are by nature separated from God and responsible for their own sin (Rom. 3:23; Is. 59:2), but that salvation, redemption, and forgiveness are freely offered to all by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ (Rom. 6:23).
When a person repents (Acts 3:19) and accepts Jesus Christ as personal Lord and Savior (Rom. 10:9-11), trusting Him to save, that person is immediately born again and sealed by the Holy Spirit (Acts 17:31; 1 Cor. 15:3-8), all of his/her sins are forgiven (1 John 1:9), and that person becomes a child of God, destined to spend eternity with the Lord.

Imagine the peace and confidence of knowing that those we have loved who are no longer here with us are waiting for us, spending "Eternity with the Lord."

What do you think will happen to you after this life? Do you have the hope, confidence and peace of knowing that you will no longer be separated from a loving, grace-filled, merciful, holy and wonderful Father God?

Would you like to be "born again" into God's own family - welcomed, accepted and sealed with Him forever? It's really very simple, but may seem complicated in this secular world we live in, but I pray that the Holy Spirit will help you to understand that like the caterpillar that becomes a butterfly, that's us - we are meant for more than crawling through life, we are meant to fly.

Ask Jesus to come into your heart, surrender your will, as does the caterpillar, that you may become who God intends you to be and that you will then understand the meaning and purpose of life and where you will spend eternity. Your "new life" begins and ends with Jesus, how I hope you will recieve Him and His gift of Eternal Life.

With Faith, Hope and Love in Christ,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com be

Attending to Our Soul

8/30/2019

"If the dying person even begins to attend to soul, the soul responds a thousandfold." -Michael Kearney, M.D.

I came across this quote recently, and was reminded of how my precious brother, Russ, did "attend to soul" prior to his death in March 2018, and what a blessing it was for me to watch his "soul respond a thousandfold."

This quote also made me think of what our lives here on Earth might be like, if we attended to our soul while alive, and how different things might be for the better,

Why wait until the end of our life to attend to our soul, surely that work would encourage the sacred art of living.

How's your soul - that eternal part of you that will never die? Are you, like so many of us, pre-occupied and distracted to pay attention to the heart and soul of who we are - how deeply attached, entrenched and distracted by the material world and its' influences are we?

As I watched my beloved brother do his soul work through intense suffering and pain prior to leaving this world, he at one time told me how he should have "paid much more attention to my soul while living, and if I had, I think that my life would have had more meaning and purpose - more peace in knowing myself and my God better. Can I have a do-over?" Though his reflections and soul work caused him to evaluate his life, in my opinion he had a beautiful soul naturally, and I can only imagine the beauty of his soul now that he's with God.

Too often, we pay little or no attention to our soul until we absolutely have to - when we are that "dying person." Since our son, Kevin's death in 2002 and my brother's recent journey through death, I pay much more attention to the heart and soul of who I am and hope to be, and I am ever grateful for how vulnerable, honest and humble my brother was, as he attended to his soul work that resulted in his peace.

If you were dying right now, what soul work would you need to do? Don't delay - do it NOW! As we have discovered in suffering the loss of our child, we never know when we will be faced with the reality of death, may we begin and/or continue "attending to our soul" today.

Doing my soul work with faith, hope and love in Christ,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

Reach for the Sonshine

8/21/2019

I have written before about how the sunflower physically turns to follow the Sun, and I have recently been reminded of the importance of reaching for the "Son-shine."

Like the sunflower, I believe that we are all created and designed to follow the Son and to not live in the darkness or shadows of life.

May and June were especially wet months here in Northern Colorado which turned into a very sunny and hot Summer.

Though hot weather is not my preferred weather, I do so want to live in the sunshine, which is part of why my husband, Bob, and I decided to retire where there is approximately 330 days of sunshine.

Though the rainy days brought a lot of moisture that we need to survive, and that caused our flower garden to thrive, it is the rainy days and storms in my life that seem to keep my focus and attention on my need for sunshine, and more importantly, my need for the Son - JESUS. I know that it is for this purpose that I was created and born into this world - to seek, reach for and lean into Jesus.

How about you? Do you seek and reach for the "Son?" If you have yet to realize that you were created to seek and reach for Him, I'm reminding you (and me) today that is why we were created. . . to seek, reach and lean into the "SON!"

Walking in "Son"-shine,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

"Growing Through Pain"

6/20/2019

I have learned that any pain, including the pain of the loss of a child, is part of life, and it is how we respond to the pain that determines whether or not we will learn and grow in and through the pain or stunt our growth.

In companioning with hundreds of "moms like me," I have often been concerned and even burdened when I realize that a mom is stuck where we don't belong - in the shadows of grief.

Why would anyone choose to stay in the shadow of the tomb?

Professonal bereavement experts will tell us that's because we somehow make our child an "idol" in our life. Of course, it is absolutely necessary that we grieve the loss of our beloved child/children, but moving out of the "shadows of death" is also absolutely necessary, if we are to truly heal and live our lives in a healthy way.

Our child is gone and we can't change that reality. The pain and sorrow is intense, but as this quote states "nothing is as painful as being stuck where you don't belong," and as long as there is breath in us, I believe, and have experienced, that we are meant to grow through our pain, not stay where we "don't belong,"

Some say "time heals all wounds," but I say time can make the woundedness worse, if we do not pay attention to growing through the pain. If we get stuck, it is because we focus too much on our pain and not enough on the hope for better days ahead. And, as for me, my hope is in the promises of God that keep me from living in the shadows, when I can live in the Light of Christ.

How about you, precious mom? Are you stuck or growing?

Always in Love and with Blessings,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com