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Turn Toward the Son!

6/8/2018

Companioning with hundreds of moms who have suffered the loss of a child over the past 12 years, I have learned that because each of us are unique, though we share something of the grief connected to the loss of a child, we each learn to live with our loss(es) in our way.

For me, after the death of our son, Kevin, I grieved deeply, but I knew early in my grieving that I did not want grief to define me and that though I hurt, I was determined to allow God to comfort, heal and restore me to the fullness of life, as only He can. I longed for what I called "grief relief," and so I did my grief work while turning to God.

For me, though being connected to other "moms like me" was helpful and encouraging, especially seeing those moms who were further along in their grief enjoying everyday life gave me hope. However, it was (and still is) only, when I connected my broken heart and hurt with the Healer that God's Word came to life where He tells us that "I AM the only one to bring out the miracle in you." Support groups, bereavement resources and professionals are all helpful in the "journey through grief," but I have found that healing only comes from the Healer.

It has been my personal experience that those who mourn and are comforted by God truly heal and find their way back into life with renewed meaning and purpose. For me, it was when I turned my heart toward God that I was able to be set free from the pain and sorrow of loss that could have so easily crippled me for the rest of my life, if I had let it.

I was surprised to learn several years ago that the sunflower is the only flower that ctually turns to follow the Sun and as I look at this picture, I think of all the moms that I know who stand in a field of sorrow together, looking to one another for comfort, hope and encouragement that in all honesty can only be truly found in turning toward the Son of God, the only One with the power and the means by which to truly heal and restore a broken heart. Give God a chance, He wants to comfort and restore those who mourn.

Won't you try "turning" to Him?

Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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Make Time for Mourning

6/3/2018

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Though our culture typically deals with death and loss as something to avoid, deny or rise above, I have personally discovered that it is in accepting and acknowledging the reality of loss that I am able to experience God's comfort, healing and peace.

I believe that God has created us humans with the ability to feel and to express our feelings, and when we deny our feelings and the heartache and pain of the losses in our life, we may find ourselves becoming people who live in denial, preventing us from rising out of the ashes of death and loss.

If we do not know how to mourn, we can learn from others . . from bereavement professionals and from those who have personally made their way through their journey of grief, experiencing healing and peace.

Though, I come from an Irish/English heritage, my grandmother on my mom's side of the family did not claim the Irish genetic connections, but rather the English/Scottish customs that shaped her into a woman that I loved deeply, but who seemed unable or unwilling to express her feelings and emotions outwardly. She raised three daughters who also found it difficult to express their feelings and emotions, which my Irish genes could never quite understand.

I am not much like my grandmother or my mother, probably too much the other way in that I "wear my feelings and emotions on my sleeve," I am an "open book" emotionally, and I cannot in anyway hide what I am feeling, though I have tried on many occasions it's like trying to put a cork back into a champagne bottle once the cork has released the pent-up bubbles.
My feelings and emotions are "welcomed guests," which is probably why I am especially moved by God's Word and music, and I can be somewhat melancholy at times.

Music moves me deeply and is a primary catalyst for tapping into my feelings and emotions. Throughout my life, I have used music to help me access and express my feelings. This morning is one of those times, when I told Alexa (my new toy) to play Secret Garden music and my emotions were moved into that place in my heart and soul where I am holding the grief of loss - the newest implanting being the death of my beloved brother, Russ, on March 13th.

When I "make time for mourning" it is to help me release some of the grief that I may hold in that private space in my heart and soul. And, after a scheduled time of mourning, I can breathe better and once again realize that "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away - blessed be the Name of the Lord." After the release of the pain and sorrow and subsequent emotions, I am ready to return to the joy of living, settled on the reality that my loss(es) are a part of the life that I love living with the hope that I have in Christ.

I am thankful for music and for God's Word, as these two beautiful creations of God cradles my heart and gives me permission to feel and express my feelings that often are connected to the sorrow and pain of losing and missing those that I love; and the list continues to grow with each passing year.

Making time this morning to access and feel what I needed to feel was a time of being "cradled" by my Heavenly Father and of remembering that I am human and that I feel. The best part of making time to mourn this morning was that it helped me to express the pain of loss through beautiful music, which comforted me. "Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted." - Matthew 5:4

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

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"Sacrifice"

5/29/2018

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I saw this Facebook post recently . . .

"We are not the sum of what others imagine us to be. We are who we are, regardless of others thoughts about us. The same goes for God.

God is who He is, regardless of our belief or unbelief.
He is the great I AM (I AM enough!)
He loves all because He is love.
His holiness cannot be imagined or fathomed.

He wants every single soul to believe in and accept His son, Jesus, His perfect gift to mankind for forgiveness, salvation and redemption.

I could not stand and try to account for my sins without Jesus to cover me. I praise God I won't have to, because He made a way through Jesus Christ! His life, death and resurrection made a way for a lost sinner like me and this is His plan for good for us all, because He wants no one to be separated from Him now or eternally."

In reading this post, it caused me to pause and to reflect on just how much God loves us and how He went to great lengths to make a way for us to be in relationship with Him now and forevermore. His redemptive plan may seem unthinkable and untrue to some, because the idea of giving up His only Son as a sacrifice to atone for our sins and redeem us just doen't seem real, but it's true, it really happened.

This Memorial Day, I found myself imagining all of the moms and dads throughout the world who have suffered the death of their own son or daughter who's life was sacrificed for liberty and freedom. Thoughts of real people losing their children on the battle fields fighting against the enemies of liberty and freedom made me stop and think about what an unthinkable sacrifice that is as there are so many graves that mark a life "layed down" for our Country. And, to think that God gave His only Son that we might be saved and free forever - I'm just shaking my head in awe and wonder trying to wrap my heart around such amazing love!

We are loved more than we will ever know this side of Heaven, but how blessed we are, but, do we really count the cost?

In Christ Always,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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The "Wilderness of Grief"

5/12/2018

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I recently made a trip to Connecticut to speak to a group of grieving moms at a "Hearts of Hope Journey of Healing" Retreat on the Long Island Sound in Madison, CT.

The Mercy by the Sea Conference site was beautiful, peaceful and the perfect place for a group of hurting moms to come together for retreat, refreshment and renewal.

Before and after the Retreat, I had opportunities for visiting some of my childhood special places, as my family lived in Connecticut and up-state New York from the time I was 4 to 9 years old. My "little" brother, Russ, was born in New London and I have many wonderful memories of this place that I still call "home."

During our time together as moms who have suffered the loss of a child,
I was amazed at the honesty, courage and compassion that exists in the community of the Hearts of Hope moms.

Two very special "moms like me," Ann Starke and Helga Findley, started Hearts of Hope after attending an Umbrella Ministries Retreat for moms several years ago. Ann came away from that Retreat with the words "We have to take hope back with us to Connecticut" and that's just what they have been doing for the past 11 years.

As I meandered around Connecticut, I was reminded of how many woods there are in that part of the Country. Some very old and overgrown, some young and new and the one in this picture was taken close to my friend's, Helga's, house. Peering into these woods reminds me of how I approached death of grieving of my youngest sin, Kevin, 16 years ago. I had no idea what to expect and it is only by the loving movements and actions of God that I made my way through that "wilderness."

What would we do with our grief, if there weren't people who were willing to "comfort others as they have been comforted" after making their way through their personal "wilderness" experience? I dare not think of the unresolved grief issues that would impede upon our lives, and how that unresolved grief would keep us in the "wilderness" far too long.

Stepping into the "wilderness of grief" takes courage, and a willingness to trust that we are not alone, as we invite God to lead the way, And, coming into community with other moms "like us," who know the way through the wilderness, like Hearts of Hope, helps us to find our way through our grief, as we are being comforted and led through the "woods."

If you are grieving and you don't have someone who has made their way through their "wilderness" to come alongside you, please go searching for a grief support group in your area - this "walk in the wilderness" is not one you should make alone - you may just get lost.

With Faith, Hope and Love Always,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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"Wings for Justice"

4/9/2018

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At the beginning of the new year, I asked God how I might make a difference for good within my family, circle of friends, church, community and the world. At first, I realized that I would be serving my brother, Russ, as his primary caregiver as he battled cancer that had made its' way into his entire body, including his bones and his brain.

For the past 2 months, I was obsessed with his care and losing him on March 13th was filled with heartache, but also with relief that he was no longer suffering and I asked God, "what now?"

One way that He has shown me where I am to serve is through an organization that is doing outstanding work in "protecting children in the family court system and advocating for change." There are too many children and parents who are caught in corrupt family court systems, and I am pleased to introduce and promote this non-profit called "Wings For Justice." And, I encourage you to visit their website at http://wingsforjustice.com to see for yourself what they are doing for good.

This organization was founded by a courageous young woman, Wendi Miller, who herself has suffered greatly (and without cause) at the hands of an abusive husband/father and a corrupt family court system in Michigan. Her children were taken away from her and placed in the custody of an abusive husband and father, a story that couldn't be made up, but is her and her children's everyday reality.

I have known Wendi since she was 14 years old. She lived with us for a time, while she was in college, and our bond in Christ has always been strong.

When she was in high school and college, I encouraged her to give her life to the LORD, surrendering her will, trusting Him with everything that concerns her, and to realize that no matter our circumstances in life, that "He is enough." She has been living a surrendered, trusting and obedient life in Christ ever since; she has never looked back and her faith and devotion to God is now spiritual inspiration and exhortation for me!

Because of the horrible experience of being married to a "wolf in sheep's clothing" and caught in a corrupt family court system perpetuation by leaders in high places within a corrupt church denomination (similar to the Spotlight story re the Catholic Church just moving child molesting priests from place to place rather than admonishing and punishing them for their ugly deeds) her response to the abuse, corruption, pain, sorrow and suffering is truly remarkable. She took up the calling and fight with God's guidance and power of being the founding director of Wings for Justice that is in many locations in America, protecting and advocating for those who have been abused and are victims of legal corruption.

Please visit the Wings for Justice website and join us in helping to affect change for abused children and their parents. We pray for "justice" everyday for Wendi, her abuser x-husband who continues to live as a "wolf in sheep's clothing." We pray for freedom for her daughter who once she's 18 years old will be gone from the dad, running straight into the loving and safe arms of her mom. We also pray for others who have lost their constitutional rights at the hands of corruption within the church and the legal system. Change is happening and Wendi and Wings for Justice is definitely a significant part of the change that is coming!

Please join Bob and I in supporting this amazing and much needed work for "justice!"

Blessings,
Angie "a mom like you"
On behalf of "Wings for Justice"
www.wingsforjustice.org
where

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Hurting People Hurt People.

3/20/2018

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As those who are hurting and grieving, we have to be very careful how we interact with others in response to our personal pain and sorrow.

As the title of this blog says "hurting people hurt people," and I have seen and personally experienced this time and time again. Even for those with good intentions, grief causes such raw emotions and breaks down our normal coping mechanisms and we may find ourselves functioning at a baser level of ourselves.

The "refiner's fire" of sorrow and pain brings out the good and the not so good in all of us, and much of the time, it is the "not so good" that comes to the surface first.

Who wants to suffer? Who wants to interact with people who are hurting and hurting others in the process? Not me, but too many times in my life, I have had to interact with these type of people and have found that I can be that "kind of person," when I am hurting, if I am not careful.

So, what can we, as wounded, hurt and grieving people do to avoid hurting others, while we are hurting? I recommend (but haven't always done this in the past) stepping back from people who don't know how to interact with people without putting up walls, and rather than dealing with their own pain and hurts, they lash out at others in their pain and suffering. This is because of unresolved issues with one another and grief brings all the unresolved issues to the surface, almost instantly, in my experience.

I also recommend to have limited contact or interaction with people who don't know how to hurt without hurting others, and to actually back away from these unhealthy relationships for a time and maybe from now on, sometimes family and friends hurt one another most of all and taking a step back and being quiet can be the best way to handle these unhealthy relationships,

I am guilty of hurting people, because I am human. I am flesh and I am a sinner and I thank God for Jesus who covers all my sins. As we approach the Easter Season, I am reminding myself that we all hurt, that at some time in our lives we will be hurt, offended, misunderstood, persecuted and even betrayed. I am also reminding myself that sometimes those who are hurting the most hurt other people unintentionally, and we all have to be very careful with one another and we most certainly need to connect our "hurt with the healer" - JESUS!

I'm doing my best, while I am suffering the loss of my precious brother, Russ, on March 13th to not hurt others, while I am grieving, and I will try to build bridges not walls.

May this Easter Season bring all of us to the Cross, where we can be honest with ourselves about our sinful nature and with our feelings, and where we will stand with a multitude of others who are looking to Jesus to stop their bleeding as we are covered by His precious blood of forgiveness and grace.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie Green "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

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NoTime Limits!

3/15/2018

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"Those who think there is a TIME LIMIT when GRIEVING . have never lost a piece of their heart!" -Unknown

As I am only 2 days into grieving the death of my beloved brother, Russ, AND, I am still grieving our youngest son, Kevin, who's been gone from us for 16 years, AND, I still miss often grieve the loss of my Dad who died 58 years ago, when I was 12 years old, I know firsthand that there is absolutely no "time limit" when grieving.

I also know that if we do our grieving, not denying our sorrow and heartache, giving ourselves permission to feel the sorrow and disapointment of the loss of those we love, the intensity of our grief lightens in frequency and intensity.

Grieving loss is needed and we must connect to our loss and allow ourselves to grieve whenever our heart, soul, mind and body needs to grieve . . . I call this "grief relief." The process of letting go, of not fighting against the feelings of sorrow and pain, which would be similar to holding our breath . . . we MUST allow ourselves the relief of grief that we might be able to JUST BREATHE.

Realizing how important my brother has been in my lifeand that we were like "two peas in a pod," and he is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, I can't imagine doing life without him and that brings me great distress and sorrow. I know that there will be no time in my life, when I will get used to living with this broken piece of my heart that has gone on to Heaven with him.

I will not try to rise above my grief, because I have learned that doesn't change anything, except it prevents me from healing and learning how to live with my loss in a healthy way, experiencing God's healing peace. Trying to be strong, to not embrace the pain of loss is simply silly - it goes against our God-given design to feel and to love. And, I give God the broken pieces of my heart assured that His loving hands will mend them together in His time. I have peace in knowing that He will knit these broken places together again, making my heart stronger and more loving in the process. I know this is true, because I have experienced in response to the deaths of my Dad and my youngest son, my step-sister and many other people who I have loved and enjoyed who are no longer here with me . . . and I know God will heal my heart once again!

Giving myself all the time that I need to grieve,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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Hallways

2/6/2018

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Have you ever spent much time in a hospital or heathcare facility?
I have spent the past two weeks in the hospital and now at a rehab facility on behalf of my brother, Russ, who is suffering from cancer that has made its' way into his bones and brain.

Through this recent experience, I was very much aware of the suffering of others. As we go through our daily lives, living out our routines, there are many who are pacing the hallways of hospitals, rehab centers, assisted living places and other healthcare facilities.

Hallways are lonely places where there may be quick glances, some eye contact and the infrequent greeting, as staff and guests pass one another. While walking through the hallways of hospitals and healthcare facilities these past two weeks, I was was very much aware of the sense of waiting . . . waiting for pain meds, waiting for the nurse or the doctor, waiting and hope for recovery or waiting for death. Even in the hallways where newborn babies are born, there is not always joy in every room, because not all babies go home with their mommy and daddy, too many are taken home to Heaven too soon.

This was the first time that I was aware that we were souls passing in the hallways - because since the death of our son, Kevin, in 2002, I am much more aware of the heartache and sufferings of others.

The souls that I have passed throughout the past two weeks were unique; some with heads down, some with head up greeting the day (or night) with obvious hope; some in despair; some moving slowly, timid and non-assuming; some fighting and making things more difficult by their strivings and some simply walking with no particular expression on their face, a blank stare seemingly lost in their thoughts, perhaps even in shock or numb.

I will not easily forget the wife waiting at her huband's bedside with the hope that he would open his eyes and survive the auto accident that threatened his life; the man who had back surgery who complained all the way up and down the hall, as he was walking with his Physical Therapist; and then there was me - standing in the hall, when my brother was attended to by the nurses, waiting to talk to his doctors, pacing up and down, going to the kitchen to get my brother water and the many leanings up against the hallway walls, bowed over with grief, in the moments when I feared for my brother's life,

Healthcare professionals are my new heroes and I shall never forget the doctors and nurses that cared for my brother.
The next time I am walking down 'hallways," I know that I will be aware of the souls passing by and will whisper a prayer on their behalf, for those who are thosewho are waiting and walking in the halls because someone they care about is suffering.

Walking the Hallways of Life,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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"A Faith Stronger Than Grief!"

2/5/2018

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In the 16 years that have passed since I began the journey through grief in response to the loss of our son, Kevin, I have exprienced a deepened Faith that has proven much stronger than the affects and hold that grief might have on me.

Where there was once intense and often overwhelming, all-consuming grief, there is now evidence of healing, which I believe is because of God's promise in Isaiah 61:3 which I have shared many times and which became the guiding scripture for the Mothers Like Me comfort ministry for moms who have suffered the loss of a child.

In this promise, I find great hope, strength and comfort as  "He gives beauty for ashes, joy for mourning and praise for the spirit of heaviness . . . " no other source of comfort and encouragement is like His for me, because of the reality and presence of Jesus Christ in my life . . .

". . . we, (who believe in Jesus as "the way, the truth and the life,") have been saved and promised Heaven, but there is still a long road to walk before we arrive. Yet, in the name of Jesus, we have everything we need to complete our course, no matter what obstacles and challenges we face. Just consider the following ways Jesus comes to our aid as outlined by Charles Stanley . . .

*He is our ADVOCATE (I John 2:1-2)
*He is our AUTHORITY (Matthew 28:18
*He is our ASSISTANCE (John 16:13-15)
*He is our ANSWER (John 16:23-24).

What an amazing gift it is to belong to Christ. God's hand moves at the name of Jesus, when we have a holy and pure heart before Him. Therefore, let's make it our ambition (and highest calling) to live in complete dependence on this powerful name. . . every day of our life."

My personal devotion and faith in the reality of God, His presence and His promises is definitely what gives me the hope and strength that guides and anchors me, and no matter what comes my way, assails or tries to lure me away from God, "the anchor holds."

Grief has no particular hold on me anymore, and I know it is because of Jesus who has been my "advocate, authority, assistance and answer." Of course I will always miss our son and life will bring more losses, hardships, trials and sufferings I am sure, but my Faith and trust in God grows stronger, and all the grief I have experienced throughout my life on this Earth pales in comparison to the reality of the love, grace and presence of my Abba (Daddyt) who is my constant companion, always good, always loving, always with my best interest at His heart.

The words from a favorite old hymn comes to my heart and mind in this moment -   "Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine - oh what a foretaste of glory divine....." that blessed assurance is definitely a "foretaste of glory divine," and there is great comfort in knowing that because I belong to God, that "foretaste of glory divine" is available to me here and now. Without a doubt, the blessing of Eternal Life through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior is the reason that my Faith is "stonger than grief!"

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

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"A New Year Message for Moms Like Me"

1/3/2018

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As we move into this new year, it is my hope-filled prayer that we will reach for and obtain a new beginning.

For many of us, 2017 has been a most difficult and challenging year . . "the most difficult part about change is not the change itself, but the process of transition from the old to the new." There is an "ending (loss, letting go) and going through the transition (neutral zone) to the new beginning can be an incredibly difficult transition." -William Bridges

"All changes . . . have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another." -Anatole France

"Though it is painful to say goodbye to what has been lost, doing so is essential. That does not mean goodbyes should be rushed or forced. It does not mean all of us will say goodbye on the same timeline (or in the same way). but, if losses are not acknowledged and grieved, individuals and communities will never get to the land of new beginnings. They will never get from what is broken to fresh hope. The first step is recognizing what has been lost." -Josh Miller

"Just because a page is torn off the calendar does not mean that unit of time has ceased to exist." -Edwin Friedman

I encourage you to journal or meditate on . . . (By Josh Miller)
*What have you lost?
*What is the hardest thing for you to say goodbye to?
*Are you ready to say goodbye? Do you need more time?
*What are you longing for? Bring those longings to God.

"Peter Steinke says the challenge before us is to not to waste our suffering. The challenge is to have our wounds heal and become scars - but, not just any scars - the scars of Christ . . . because we have chosen to follow Christ."

"Dan Allender says these scars will bear gospel fruit, if we process them well." I encourage you to listen to his podcast "When Endings Don't Go Well" at https://theallendercenter.org/2015/05/endings-4/ . . though there is mention of a divorce (as a loss), it's not the sum of the entire message . . . there's so much more to consider. I also encourage you to read the notes preceeding the podcast on the wepage.

What ending and/or transition are you going through? Are you especially suffering from the loss of your child? A divorce? The loss of a job, a friendship, ill health, unresolved issues that seem to never change? Whatever you are facing, may you we all approach this new year with faith that there is "fresh hope" just ahead, if we will be patient in the place of transitioning from what was to what will be.

I also encourage you to take time, when you won't be distracted, to thoughtfully and prayerfully consider how you might settle into your time of transitioning, accepting the reality that where there is an ending, there must be a time of transition and then comes the new beginning. May this be a year full of hope for us all!

Love, Blessings and Hugs for 2018 and ALWAYS,
Angie "a mom like me"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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Turn Toward the Son!

Make Time for Mourning

"Sacrifice"

The "Wilderness of Grief"

"Wings for Justice"

Hurting People Hurt People.

NoTime Limits!

Hallways

"A Faith Stronger Than Grief!"

"A New Year Message for Moms Like Me"

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