I tried to pray, but couldn't find the words, as I wrestled with my thoughts and concerns. At one point, I realized that I had to get up, turn on the lights downstairs and make my way to the place in my living room where I sit with Him. It's been too long since I have just sat with Him, talking to Him.
"Why did I wake up so early this morning, Father? Was it your wake-up call to spend time with You? Why couldn't I pray? Why was I restless and wrestling with so many questions?
After a few minutes of sitting in silence (with a hot cup of coffee in hand), I reached for a book that I am reading written by Lois Tverberg entitled "Walking in the dust of Rabbi Jesus - How the Jewish words of Jesus can change your life."
Opening the book, I thumbed through the pages to the next chapter to be read, and to my delight the chapter was on "praying with chutzpah" - praying boldly with tenacity. So much of what Lois Tverberg writes in her book rings true for me and this morning's chapter was just what I needed to remind myself of the importance of taking all my cares and questions to God.
A few weeks ago, I met a grieving mom new to me, and there was an immediate bond between us. Our conversation went deep quickly, as a mutual friend introduced us and had shared something of my loss with her. She has suffered the loss of her only child - a beautiful daughter and she is heartbroken.
At on point in our conversation, this precious mom asked me the question that so many "moms like us" ask; "Why my child. Why now?" This heartbroken mom also shared that she was angry with God, which is not unusual and actually very common. In response to her questions, I shared my belief that it's OK to ask God questions, and it's even OK to be angry with Him for a time.
The following statements I read this morning confirmed my belief that God knows our hearts and understands our need for questions to be answered - it's actually a sign of humility and acknowledging that He is in control.
" . . . it's an ancient Jewish assumption that an intimate faith in God is tenacious, even to the point of being a little pushy at times, because God is worthy of our trust." -Brad Young
"Sometimes asking questions is a way to demonstrate humility, because inherent in the questions is the assumption that I do not have the answers, God does. Sincere questions give God respect. They acknowledge His power. They honor Him."-Lois Tverberg
Waking up with lots of questions about what's going on in our Nation, Afghanistan, around the world and within my personal life, my restless, wrestling soul was hungry and thirsty for answers that only God could provide. It has been awhile, since I carved out time to be alone with God, worshiping and praising Him, bringing my questions and concerns to Him, simply spending time and talking to my Father. How long has it been since you carved out time to sit and talk to Him?
What questions do you have that only He can answer? Will you make time and space for Him to meet with you? I hope so, because I have found Him to be faithful and this morning was evidence one again that He is always with us, ready, willing and able to talk to spend time with us, to answer our questions, which is why I do not hesitate to ask, expecting to receive.
With Love and Blessings Always,
Angie "a mom like you"