Sometimes, I have what I call "pity parties." These times are completely different from my "pajama party" days, where I spend the day lounging around in my pajamas not doing anything in particular - just relaxing and lazing around for the sake of relaxing and lazing around.
My "pity parties," however, are those times, when something just isn't right and when I'm just feeling down, discontent and restless somehow. I would like to blame these times on some type of hormonal imbalance or my circumstances, but unfortunately (or fortunately) my hormones are fine, my circumstances are no better or worse than anyone else's, and I have to take full responsibility for my attitude and my actions.
It is not always easy to determine the root or the cause for my "pity parties," but after nearly 12 years, since my son Kevin's death, I cannot always connect my heavy-heartedness to my loss, as I could in the early years following Kevin's death.
Not too long ago, I was reminded by a bereavement professional that it is important to not "sing songs to the heavy hearted," and though I know there is truth and wisdom in this statementl, I also know that, if I had not let the songs of hope and joy into my heavy heart, I would have surely sunk into a deep, dark and lonely pit of pain and sorrow that may have taken me far too long to climb out of on my own.
My "pity parties" seem to fall on me like a blanket of "down" (not duck feathers) and though I may sit under that blanket for awhile, I can't stay in that place very long, because it robs me of the joy that is in me, because of my position as God's child; saved, sealed and intended to receive and release the hope that is within me because of Jesus.
What about you? Do you have "pity parties" now and then? Not times of sadness and embracing the pain of your loss, or the burden of living in a world without hope, but times of just feeling sorry for yourself, not knowing why you are feeling that way, wrapping yourself in the blanket of "down?" What do you do in those "down" times? Do you stay wrapped up in that blanket of down, drowing in down or do you, too, lift your head, look up and out of yourself for hopeful peace?
During my down times, I reflect on what may be pulling me down or causing me to exchange the hope that is in me because of Jesus Christ my Redeemer King for a spirit of discontent, complaining and just feeling sorry for myself. Though my "pity parties" are few and far between, in those times, because of the ever-faithful presence and light of God that I experience in relationship with Jesus, I more quickly and naturally lift my head, look up and out of myself and accept with open heart and open arms God's great exchange with thanksgiving and praise and the blues and blanket of down are soon replaced by gratitude for what He has done for me - - for you - - - for us!
"This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice for He has made me glad!" -Psalm 18:24 - - even on those days, when I don't exactly feel like rejoicing and being glad - praise and prayer changes everything, especially me!
I invite you to visit our Songs of the Heart webpage at www.motherslikeme.info to let some of God's music into your heavy heart. And, let us not exchange the joy that is promised to us for a "pity party!"
With FAITH, HOPE and LOVE,