Blog Posts - "A Mother Like Me"

Walking on the Sacred Path

11/2/2019

As a pediatric nurse, my greatest fear was realized when my 16 year old son died of a self-inflicted gun shot wound. It was the first day of school on September 5, 2000. Nineteen years later I find myself reflecting on a quote from Elizabeth Lesser. At the same time, I am reflecting on my Summer and the realization that I have been walking that "sacred path into the darkness," as Lesser says or as I think of it, the unknown...my FEAR of the many unknowns; losing another child, my future, old age and making the most of the time God gives me.

I am learning that letting go is a part of this "walk" and like grief, it is a process... painful and slow, but necessary for growth and healing. My daughter once said to me, "Mom, if you don't change, you can't grow!"  I don't like change, but I must admit that she is right. Change after the death of a child is not an option. Grief of that magnitude changes us forever!

My "letting go" journey actually began last January, when I decided to no longer color my hair and accept and embrace the hair color that God gave me. It has been a very long process and I still have months to go, but it has been freeing to embrace this new part of me. I love the color my hair is becoming and I just recently got an updated hair style. As Elizabeth Lesser says, "we need to listen to our souls, slow down, feel deeply and see ourselves clearly."

With Fall upon us here in Connecticut, past burdens are being lifted. I'm not sure where God is leading me or what changes are coming, but I know that for now, I am in His waiting room once again. This Summer He gave me this verse from Luke. 24:49 "I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high." These words have special meaning for me, as I must let go of my daughter and her little family and give them my blessing to move to the other side of the Country. Besides burying my son, David, it is the hardest thing love has asked me to do. Once again, my daughter's move has tapped into my greatest fear.

As my relationship with my grandson blossoms into a love like I have never known, my heart is breaking over their upcoming move. This is the darkest part of the sacred path l am walking, and with this "letting go" there is no feeling of freedom. Lesser says to "listen to our souls and stop fighting when things seem to be falling apart or when they don't go our way."  God also reminded me that "love does not demand its own way," (1 Cor.10:13) and things are falling into place as they must. It will take everything in me to let them go. I know that I have no choice and I must trust that God's plan is better than mine. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Letting Go with Hope,
Ann Starke "a mom like you"

Let Deep Speak to Deep

10/19/2019

"When you love and miss someone, you experience an inner pain. Bit by bit you have to discover the nature of pain. When your deepest self is connected with the deeper self of another, that person's absence may be painful, but it will lead to a profound communion with the person, because loving each other is loving in God.

True love between two human beings puts you more in touch with your deepest self. It is a love in God.

The pain you experience from the death or absence of the person you love, then always calls you to a deeper knowledge of God's love. God's love is all the love you need, and it reveals to you the love of God in the other. This is "deep speaking to deep," a mutuality in the heart of God, who embraces both of you.

Death or absence does not end or even diminish the love of God that brought you to the other person. It calls you to take a new step into the mystery of God's inexhaustible love. This process is painful, very painful, because the other person has become a true revelation of God's love for you. But the more you are stripped of the God-given support of people, the more you are called to love God for God's sake. This is an awesome and even dreadful love, but it is the love that offers eternal life." -Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love

Over the past few months, I have experienced a deep sense of pain and an underlying sense of sadness, as I find myself counting the losses of so many I have loved and am missing.

It is challenging for those of us who have suffered great personal loss to easily agree with some of what Henri Nouwen tells us about "deep speaking to deep," but more often than not, all of his words ring absolutely true for me. In my limited, finite condition, I cling to the promises of God that "His love never ends," which means the love for those who have been a "true revelation of God's love" for me never ends either. But, how I long for that human touch, that special laugh, that word of encouragement and expressed love that are no longer mine to experience. But, as Henri Nouwen says, in these times I am most definitely drawn to the "mystery of Gods inexhaustible love."

Henri Nouwen continues to say "when that place where God dwells in you is intimately connected with the place where God dwells in the other, the absence of the other person is not destructive. On the contrary, it will challenge you to enter more deeply into communion with God, the source of all unity and communion among people. It is also possible on the other hand that the pain of absence will show you that you are out of touch with your own deeper self. You need the other to experience inner wholeness, to have a sense of well-being. You have become emotionally dependent on the other and sink into depression, because of his or her absence. It feels as if the other has taken away part of you that you cannot live without. Then the pain of absence reveals a certain lack of trust in God's love. But, God is enough for you."

And, so when I am grieving the loss of those I love, I have to ask myself "is God's love enough?" After a time of personal reflection the answer is always, "Yes! God is enough - no one can fill the empty place in my heart and soul that is meant for You alone!"

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

True Friends

9/17/2019

In the aftermath of loss, heartache and pain, some friendships don't make it, because there are those who we call friends who only want to
"show up when we're happy."

As this quote says, true friends "stay by your side when your heart falls apart," and these are indeed the friends that we must treasure and thank God for - because they know what it means to be a friend through "thick or thin."

As another quote says, some friends are simply "fair weather friends," and if we have even one friend who stays with us in the storms of life, we are blessed.

If we have more than one friend like this, we are really blessed, and if we have a group of friends like this we are super blessed!

All friends are special gifts to us in this life, but "true friends" may be rare, but these are the friendships that last a lifetime and help us to grow and heal. These are also the friendships that seem to grow sweeter and stronger through the years bearing much relational fruit, as we become "friends of the heart." I have discovered in my life that it is those who have the love of Jesus in their hearts that truly know what it means to be a friend and who will "stay closer than a brother."

If you have friends like these, consider telling them how much you value their committment through thick or thin, in the good times and bad . . . write them a thank you note, treat them to coffee or a good meal in a favorite place where you can talk about how much they mean to you and celebrate your friendship with them.

I hope and pray that I will always remember the importance of staying close to those who are hurting, because at some time in life we all hurt. If you don't have people in your life that you consider true friends, you can know and experience that Jesus is the best friend that anyone can ever have. Jesus never disappoints, He understands, He deeply cares about us and He will never "leave or forsake us." I learned a long time ago that He is the truest and dearest friend of all - there is no one like Him!

For Friendship's Sake,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

A New Life

9/9/2019

What does it mean to live a "new life" - to be "born again?"

Those who are followers of Christ believe that all people are by nature separated from God and responsible for their own sin (Rom. 3:23; Is. 59:2), but that salvation, redemption, and forgiveness are freely offered to all by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ (Rom. 6:23).
When a person repents (Acts 3:19) and accepts Jesus Christ as personal Lord and Savior (Rom. 10:9-11), trusting Him to save, that person is immediately born again and sealed by the Holy Spirit (Acts 17:31; 1 Cor. 15:3-8), all of his/her sins are forgiven (1 John 1:9), and that person becomes a child of God, destined to spend eternity with the Lord.

Imagine the peace and confidence of knowing that those we have loved who are no longer here with us are waiting for us, spending "Eternity with the Lord."

What do you think will happen to you after this life? Do you have the hope, confidence and peace of knowing that you will no longer be separated from a loving, grace-filled, merciful, holy and wonderful Father God?

Would you like to be "born again" into God's own family - welcomed, accepted and sealed with Him forever? It's really very simple, but may seem complicated in this secular world we live in, but I pray that the Holy Spirit will help you to understand that like the caterpillar that becomes a butterfly, that's us - we are meant for more than crawling through life, we are meant to fly.

Ask Jesus to come into your heart, surrender your will, as does the caterpillar, that you may become who God intends you to be and that you will then understand the meaning and purpose of life and where you will spend eternity. Your "new life" begins and ends with Jesus, how I hope you will recieve Him and His gift of Eternal Life.

With Faith, Hope and Love in Christ,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com be

Attending to Our Soul

8/30/2019

"If the dying person even begins to attend to soul, the soul responds a thousandfold." -Michael Kearney, M.D.

I came across this quote recently, and was reminded of how my precious brother, Russ, did "attend to soul" prior to his death in March 2018, and what a blessing it was for me to watch his "soul respond a thousandfold."

This quote also made me think of what our lives here on Earth might be like, if we attended to our soul while alive, and how different things might be for the better,

Why wait until the end of our life to attend to our soul, surely that work would encourage the sacred art of living.

How's your soul - that eternal part of you that will never die? Are you, like so many of us, pre-occupied and distracted to pay attention to the heart and soul of who we are - how deeply attached, entrenched and distracted by the material world and its' influences are we?

As I watched my beloved brother do his soul work through intense suffering and pain prior to leaving this world, he at one time told me how he should have "paid much more attention to my soul while living, and if I had, I think that my life would have had more meaning and purpose - more peace in knowing myself and my God better. Can I have a do-over?" Though his reflections and soul work caused him to evaluate his life, in my opinion he had a beautiful soul naturally, and I can only imagine the beauty of his soul now that he's with God.

Too often, we pay little or no attention to our soul until we absolutely have to - when we are that "dying person." Since our son, Kevin's death in 2002 and my brother's recent journey through death, I pay much more attention to the heart and soul of who I am and hope to be, and I am ever grateful for how vulnerable, honest and humble my brother was, as he attended to his soul work that resulted in his peace.

If you were dying right now, what soul work would you need to do? Don't delay - do it NOW! As we have discovered in suffering the loss of our child, we never know when we will be faced with the reality of death, may we begin and/or continue "attending to our soul" today.

Doing my soul work with faith, hope and love in Christ,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

Reach for the Sonshine

8/21/2019

I have written before about how the sunflower physically turns to follow the Sun, and I have recently been reminded of the importance of reaching for the "Son-shine."

Like the sunflower, I believe that we are all created and designed to follow the Son and to not live in the darkness or shadows of life.

May and June were especially wet months here in Northern Colorado which turned into a very sunny and hot Summer.

Though hot weather is not my preferred weather, I do so want to live in the sunshine, which is part of why my husband, Bob, and I decided to retire where there is approximately 330 days of sunshine.

Though the rainy days brought a lot of moisture that we need to survive, and that caused our flower garden to thrive, it is the rainy days and storms in my life that seem to keep my focus and attention on my need for sunshine, and more importantly, my need for the Son - JESUS. I know that it is for this purpose that I was created and born into this world - to seek, reach for and lean into Jesus.

How about you? Do you seek and reach for the "Son?" If you have yet to realize that you were created to seek and reach for Him, I'm reminding you (and me) today that is why we were created. . . to seek, reach and lean into the "SON!"

Walking in "Son"-shine,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

"Growing Through Pain"

6/20/2019

I have learned that any pain, including the pain of the loss of a child, is part of life, and it is how we respond to the pain that determines whether or not we will learn and grow in and through the pain or stunt our growth.

In companioning with hundreds of "moms like me," I have often been concerned and even burdened when I realize that a mom is stuck where we don't belong - in the shadows of grief.

Why would anyone choose to stay in the shadow of the tomb?

Professonal bereavement experts will tell us that's because we somehow make our child an "idol" in our life. Of course, it is absolutely necessary that we grieve the loss of our beloved child/children, but moving out of the "shadows of death" is also absolutely necessary, if we are to truly heal and live our lives in a healthy way.

Our child is gone and we can't change that reality. The pain and sorrow is intense, but as this quote states "nothing is as painful as being stuck where you don't belong," and as long as there is breath in us, I believe, and have experienced, that we are meant to grow through our pain, not stay where we "don't belong,"

Some say "time heals all wounds," but I say time can make the woundedness worse, if we do not pay attention to growing through the pain. If we get stuck, it is because we focus too much on our pain and not enough on the hope for better days ahead. And, as for me, my hope is in the promises of God that keep me from living in the shadows, when I can live in the Light of Christ.

How about you, precious mom? Are you stuck or growing?

Always in Love and with Blessings,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

"Cleanse Me"

6/17/2019

Many, many times in my life, I have prayed "Cleanse me of anything that breaks Your Heart, LORD, and keep me from sinning against you and others."

I think the most difficult time in my life, when I was in need of the deepest cleansing, was in response to the loss of our son, Kevin. Though I was not angry at God for taking my son, I found that it was people who didn't know how to comfort or console me in my grief that caused me to be angry and in need of God's cleansing and peace.

Touched by dark shadows of death, I could feel myself sinking into self-pity and depression. It seemed as though I was alone in my grief, my heart was broken and was turning cold. Always a "people person" for a few months after Kevin's death I didn't trust that anyone understood what I was experiencing and I didn't want to connect with anyone who didn't know how to talk to me about my sorrow and pain.

Once I realized what was happening inside me in response to my loss, I began to cry out to God to help me not break anyone else's heart (especially not His) in my brokenness. And, in realizing what was happening to me, and connecting my broken heart with the Healer, my broken heart became soft and warm again and even more loving, more compassionate, more merciful and more comforting, He cleansed and healed me as only He can!

I believe that no one, except the LORD our God, has the power or the means by which to cleanse and heal us. How I hope that if you are reading this today and know that you are in need of cleansing and healing peace, that you will allow Him into your sorrow and pain and to do what only He can do. "I AM the ony one to bring out the miracle in you, says the Lord."

Blessings and Hugs,
Angie "a mom like you"

Does Time Heal All Wounds?

5/30/2019

The quote below is for those who may think that it's "time" that heals our broken hearts from loss. And, what exactly is meant by we "learn to live with it"??? I believe it means that at some point we must accept our life as continuing on for good without the person we love and are missing, This takes "time" and also attention to making sure that we are grieving with hope; hope that our broken hearts will heal, that our lives are not over and we can not only survive the loss, but thrive once again - embracing the life still before us with HOPE! This has certainly been true for me - "a mom like you!" -Angie

What Makes Me Happy?

5/22/2019

When I think of being happy, I think of our great-grandson, when he was 1 year old, who came into the house, looked around, realized where he was, smiled a big smile at me and started clapping his hands . . .that was such a special moment and his happiness and excitement made me happy!

I also got a call the other day from my daughter-in-law who said that our 2 year old great-grandson in California asked her to "call MiMi!" That made me happy!

These two simple recent memories certainly makes my "soul happy!" And, today our youngest granddaughter is graduating from High School and going on to CSU for her college experience, and this makes me HAPPY!

Too often, when we are hurting and grieving, we forget that there is still a place for happiness in our lives.

As one who is very familiar with loss and grief, I have found that I have to be intentional about making room for happiness, not only thinking about what makes me happy, but actually making a list to review at a later time, when I may forget that even as I live with sorrow and loss, I can still find a measure of joy and happiness in my everyday life.

There are LOTS of things that make me happy. What makes you happy? I encourage you to take a few minutes and make a HAPPY list and you may be surprised, as I was, at all that makes your "soul happy." I was surprised at the length of my list and maybe you will be, too. ENJOY!

What makes me HAPPY . . .

*Waking up to the chirping and melodious sounds of the birds (especially the coo of doves and the robin's song).
*Music - all kinds!
*Being surrounded by beauty; nature, beautiful people and surroundings.
*Books (all around me).
*Finishing reading a book - a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
*Gardens, Trees and Flowers.
*Choosing, planting and watching veggies and fruits grow and bear fruit.
*Working in a garden - planting, pruning, trimming and digging in the dirt.
*Valleys - especially those will green pastures and wild flowers.
*Streams and bodies of water - any kind of moving water; waterfalls, water foundations/features, rivers and the ocean.
*A fragrant, hot cup of coffee of tea.
*Teatime with a close friend or my grandaughters.
*Going to a good movie - always a favorite date with my hubby.
*Bathing/Showering - the scent and fragrance of soap, shampoo and conditioner; the warmth and refreshment of running water over my body.
*Crawling into bed under clean sheets.
*Sitting outside on the porch.
*My sons and their families - just looking at them makes me happy - they are all beautiful people-inside and out.
*Learning new things.
*Taking drives not knowing where I'm going, just exploring new places.
*Singing with someone - a duet, trio, ensemble or choir. I am definitely meant to be a part of a "concert" of prayer through lyrics and melodies.
*Harvesting herbs, veggies and fruits that I've tended and watched grow.
*Seeing miracles happen in people's lives.
*Fellowshipping with those who love and honor the Lord above all else.
*Studying and memorizing God's Word (hiding it/Him in my heart).
*Sharing the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with those with eyes to see and ears to hear.
*Being a part of something larger and more important than myself - this is an essential "imperative" for me.
*Belly laughing with someone who has a bigger and louder belly laugh than I do.
*A good joke.
*A new, fresh opportunity.
*A vision that I know comes from God.
*Seeing a God-given vision come to fruition.
*Getting organized and staying that way, but making time and room for Sabbath and pajama days.
*Snowy days.
*Sunny days.
*Rainy days.
*Busy, spiritual and relational fruit-bearing days.
*Being around people who know they are loved and are living FREE.
*Being in the company of those who are creative, wise and inspirational, and who love to serve and help others.
*Hearing a melody with lyrics and being able to score it and hear it played or sung by someone other than me.
*Taking a trip for FUN and adventure or as a "pilgrimage" in Christ.
*Seeing our children and grandchildren happy, at peace and loving and following Christ.
*Making a real difference in someone's life and the world - for Christ.
*When I feel and know that I am loved and am important to someone I love.
*Eating popcorn!
*Taking a peaceful, restful and refreshing nap.
*Fresh eggs from "home-grown" chickens - tee hee~
*Sleeping through the night with sweet or "telling" dreams of those who are no longer here with me on this Earth.
*Waking in the morning with excitement for what a new day may bring my way.
*Living in peace with God, myself and others.
*Dancing.
*Knowing that God is watching me, paying attention to me, delighted in me and fully present to me.
*Making other people feel "seen" and special.
*The sense of cleansing after repenting of my sins against God and others.
*Being the reason someone giggles or laughs out loud.
*Knowing that I am loved and appreciated not for what I do, but for who I am.
*Being in the company of good men and women who love JESUS - men and women "after God's own heart."
*Interacting playfully with family and friends.
*Finishing what I start.
*A clean house!!!

How about sitting down and making your list now?

With a Happy Soul Today,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikem@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info