Blog Posts - "A Mother Like Me"

"The Slow Work of God"

1/22/2019

I came across the following reflections written by an unknown author at a time in my life, when I needed to better understand how God works in our hearts and lives.

I'm sorry I do not know the name of the author, this person deserves to be not only recognized, but thanked for penning such words of insight and wisdom. God knows his/her name and that's enough!

"Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything - to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new,

And, yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability.
And, that it may take a very long time and so I think it is with you.

Your ideas mature gradually, let them grow. Let them shape themselves without undue haste, as though you could be today what time (that is to say grace and circumstances) will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you.
And, accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete." -Unknown

Throughout my life, there have been numerous times when I needed these words to help me better understand the "slow work of God." I hope reading this now will encourage and help you to realize that God is always working for our good; His way, which is not always our way.

And for our peace, may we "accept the anxiety of feeling ourselves in suspense and incomplete," for the remainder of our journey here on Earth.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

17 Years and Counting!

1/3/2019

I wasn't planning on writing anything related to my son, Kevin's, heading off to Heaven on January 10, 2002 this year.

I thought that maybe after 17 years, I would just let the day come and go like any other day, but that's just not possible - who am I kidding? I will never forget that day and the loss of my son that overwhelmed me for many years.

This morning there was a post on Facebook that caught my eye - one of those NameGames with the title "What Is Your Gift From God?" I don't often pay any attention or play these type of games, but for some reason, this one caught my eye and attention.

Though I put no stock in these type of things, I do know that God speaks to us in "mysterious ways," and the results of the game was a blessing to me, and motivated me to proclaim the goodness, provisions and healing peace of God today, on January 10th and everyday.

God most certainly has given me the "gift of hope" and the "gift of faith." And, my life's focus is on the truth that "storms do not last forever" and I am committed to "never give up," because I know that "no matter what" with God's help, I will "always make it through!"

The death of our son, Kevin, was the most perilous of all "storms" in my life. But, with God's love, grace and comfort, my family and I have not only survived the storm of "unexpected sorrow," but we have grown and are better people, because of how we responded to the "storm."

I begin this New Year looking back on January 10, 2002, remembering the son that lives on in my heart and memory, and though there will always be a measure of heartache and sadness on that day of days, there is much more gratitude and joy in knowing that we we blessed to have him here with us for 28 years and are 17 years closer to our reunion with him, and that will be my focus throughout this New Year.

And, it is my prayer that any mom reading this will ask for and welcome the God-given gifts of HOPE and FAITH. These are essential gifts for our journey through grief and throughout our lives.

May the love, grace and hope of Christ fill the hearts and lives of all who continue to live with loss with HOPE and FAITH. Hoping that you will get into the Word of God this year starting with Jeremiah 29:11.

Blessings for 2019 and Always,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

Heartstrings!

1/3/2019

Though I retired from full-time grief upport ministry for "moms like me," my heart will always be attached to the hearts of these very special women.

Though we may not feel it, we are "special." For some reason, God has determined that our beautiful children should not have to live in this sin-sick world, and that we are left behind to attest to the goodness and love of God as we stay connected to Him and to one another.

Being a mom who lives with the loss of a child is life-changing and our hearts, though they can and will (if we allow it) mend, and we may even be more loving, more intentional about living a life that makes a difference somehow and that carries on the legacy of love gifted to us through the life of our beautiful child now gone from us for awhile.

Do you have someone reaching out to connect to your loss and sorrow?
Are you reaching out to others who are hurting or are are you still suffering too much?
Have you found a few or a group of grieving moms who understand, care and attach their heart with your's?

If not, I encourage you to stay connected online with this website and my Facebook page (Angie Green) for moms who have suffered the loss of a child, and to find a grief support group in your area.

And, if you can, begin this "new year" in the sweet fellowship of "moms like us," and let me know how I might be of help and encouragement to you.

My heart is connected to your heart - we are most certainly "sisters in loss" and it is an honor to be connected to YOU, precious Mom.

I would so like to hear from moms who would like to share something of their "journey through grief" to encourage other moms, so you can email me at amotherlikeme@gmail.com with your thoughts, reflections and even your concerns - I'm available to you always!

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

The Giving and the Taking Away!

12/17/2018

Do you ever get angry that you have no control over life or death? Do you question God's timing in the taking of someone you love?

It's not that I get angry, I just find myself wrestling with God's timing, because I believe that He is sovereign over all things including life and death.

Especially at this time of the year, I find that I am very much aware of the "giving and the taking," of the LORD, because there is such an emphasis on giving that is symbolic of the gifts that the Magi (wisemen) brought to honor the Christ child in recognition of His Divinity and the prophecy of His birth, as the Messiah/Savior to the Jews (and all the Earth)
(John 3:16).

Even though I find great joy in this season of giving, I am aware more than normal of the sense of loss and the "taking away" of those I have loved who will not be here to celebrate this blessed Christmas Season for yet another year.

Our family's Christmases have changed through the years; first when I was a 12 year old girl and my Dad died suddenly; when my grandparents died; when our son, Kevin, died; and this year in the "taking" of my one and only brother, Russ. I don't like these changes one bit, and I often feel like that 12 year old girl who suffered the loss of my Dad, telling God even now (though for the most part I am at peace), "I don't understand! Why do you give us people to love only to take them away so soon?"

Though I know that as God's own "child," He has no problem with me grimacing over His "giving and taking," and He graciously comforts and consoles me, it is His Spirit that I count on to remind me that these special people in my life were not mine in the first place.

In being reminded of this truth, I reaffirm my faith and trust in Him alone, and I acknowledge once again that life here on Earth is only temporary, but, because God gave His only Son, Jesus, He has given the blessed gift of Eternal Life and I am able to say without hesitation, "The LORD gives and the LORD takes away - Blessed be the Name of the LORD!"

This Christmas will come and go, the gifts given and the memories of Christmases Past will fade, but Eternal HOPE and the gifts of God's love and grace through Jesus Christ will sustain and strengthen me for yet another New Year!

“Prosperity has a tendency to conceal idolatry and false faith. Loss reveals what we really love and believe.”

With Eternal Hope,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

"Grieving My Way"

11/8/2018

Rarely do two people grieve in the same way. Our response to grief is different, because we are different as individuals, and also because our relationship with those we have loved who are no longer here with us are different, too.

When my Dad died, I was in shock, partly because I was only 12 years old and couldn't imagine growing up without my Dad, and because that was my first experience with the death of someone I was close to and loved.

When my grandparents died, I knew that I was going to miss them very much, but they had lived a long life into their late 80's, so I had a peace about their lives coming to an end here with the sense that they were now "HOME."

When my step-sister died, I knew life wouldn't be the same without her beautiful spirit in this world, and I had regrets about missed opportunities to be together with her, because we were both busy working and raising our young families.

When my son died, I felt like my arms and legs had been amputated and a huge chunk of my heart was torn out of my chest.

Though not quite as difficult to bear, as the death of my son, the death of my one and only brother in March 2018 also took a part of my heart.

"The specific relationship matters, but so does its nature and quality. Was the relationship close and loving, dependent, conflicted - - or as is often the case, some combination of those elements." -Pathways Grief and Loss Newsletter

The nature and cause of the death affects how we grieve, as well. Family members who grieve the same death may have a very different experience in how they perceive and experience a loved one's death and how they respond.

Our grief is just that "our" grief - unique to each one of us and to our relationship with the one we love, and it is important that we do not compare our grief with anyone else's grief - there's no model of how we will grieve, but I know that those who "grieve with hope," seem to heal and find peace more readily than those who do not grieve with hope.

Since my son, Kevin's, death, I have consistently told myself to grieve when I must, but to LIVE while I can, because I know that my son (and all my loved ones who have gone on before me) are living, and they would not want me to spend too much time grieving any longer than is necessary for "grief relief" and healing.

So, I strive to keep it "simple and honest" without making Kevin or anyone else who I have loved and am living without now, more than they were to me while they were here on this Earth. I believe that our loved ones would not want us to somehow idolize or immortalize them, putting them on some kind of altar, making them the epicenter of our lives.

I grieve when I need to grieve and live the rest of the time. How about you?

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info
,

Autumn Colors

10/18/2018

As the seasons change, nature provides a sense of peace and comfort and much needed time for reflection. It has been a friend to me right from the start of my grief journey, after losing our daughter, Kayla.

The beautiful Fall season is upon us and I treasure these next few weeks, as the colors paint a magnificent scene. Autumn is my very favorite season and it always seems to go by so quickly.

As I walk and drive around town, I notice that some trees are displaying the beautiful colors of their leaves, while others are still green. Some trees have already lost their leaves, while for others the leaves have not yet fallen. It is easy to see that each tree is unique and their leaves change at their own pace and in their own time.

I think about how the process of the changing leaves could be compared to each of us, as we continue to grieve without our beautiful children. Each one of us has a unique grief journey and handles our grief in our own individual way. We are all at different stages of our grief and we move through them at our own pace.

Some trees are beginning to change very quickly, while others are not yet ready. As each of us grieves, some may draw closer to God and be willing to submit to Him for guidance along the way, while others may not feel His peace and comfort as easily. Just like the trees changing it is all individual, and has to happen at our own pace.

Like the trees during Autumn we too are changed and are no longer the same. The barren and leafless trees will begin to blossom again once the Spring season arrives. We too, in our own way, will slowly “blossom” again. Our lives will never be the same and our hearts will never totally heal, but we have the assurance that God will be there to help us along the way and always. He will be there when we are ready and carry us through, a day at a time, a moment at a time.

Our faith in Him and what He has told us about our everlasting life allows us to look forward with hope and encouragement to the day when we will be united once again with our children in Heaven.

I wish for each one of you a peaceful Fall Season ahead. I hope you can take some time to really notice the beauty around us during this glorious Autumn Season. May it bring as much comfort to you as it does to me.

Blessings to each of you,
Lisa Adsit "a mom like you"
Fort Collins, CO

"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." -Psalm 62:8

What's Really Inside?

9/28/2018

Throughout all of my life, beginning when I was 12 years old after my Dad died, I have been tested, stretched, refined and pushed to a breaking point due to life's heartache, sorrow, hardships, disappointments and challenges.

Over the past 1-1/2 years, my marriage was tested as never before, my precious brother, Russ, lived with us and soon suffered from cancer that took his life in March of this year; my husband's brother, Tom, had to go into assisted living; and now my 90 year old Mom broke her hip, had hip replacement surgery, can no longer live on her own or with us, and is in a long-term care facility.

Though I am thankful that my brother is safe in the arms of the LORD, free from pain, Bob's brother is in a great assisted living place (as is the place for my Mom) I am up to my ears in "hot water" in dealing with the aftermath and responsiblities of caregiving, managing Bob's brother and my Mom's medical and financial affairs and sometimes I simply feel overheated and overwhelmed.

In the "unexpected fires of sorrows," all I hope for is that I will not "grow weary from doing good!" This is one of the deepest desires of my heart and soul, because I believe that our fGod is an "awesome God," and "with Him nothing is impossible."

I remember so vividly standing over the lifeless body of our son, Kevin, in January 2002 asking a close friend, "How am I going to live with this loss?" and immediately God's Word floated up inside me and I said, "But, I can do all things through Christ and so that means this, too!"

I believe that when God allows the water to boil around and over me, and when I feel like I won't survive the fire, He is always there to cool down the "unexpected fires." And, I am glad to say, that even in the hottest waters, good things always come from inside, not because of who I am, but beause of "who's I am!"

What about you? What's inside you that comes out when the water gets HOT?

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

THAT Day! January 10, 2002

9/17/2018

I came across some of my early journal entries written just after my son, Kevin, died. This is what I wrote about "THAT" day, the last time I saw my son.

*Early on a cold, winter morning, I saw my beautiful son for the last time.

*I remember that morning, as if it was yesterday; how he looked and what he said are imprinted on my heart and mind.

*It was very early and I was still asleep, hunkered down under the comforter with no thought of waking up anytime soon.

*I remember that I was woken up by a gentle, warming presence in the room and I sensed it was one of my sons.

*When I opened my eyes, there he was . . . his cap turned around backwards on his head, wearing one of favorite surf T-Shirts, shorts and the sounds of his flip flops clicking against his heels, as he moved ever so slowly into the room. I remember that he was coming closer to the foot of the bed, as he was checking to see if I was awake (which he had done since he was old enough to walk into my room, where he knew he was welcome anytime (exept if the door was locked).

*He had come into our room at night until he was about 8 years old, sneaking in and ever softly and gently slipping in under the covers between his Dad and I - his being at the foot of our bed was a normal sight, and here he was again, at age 28, coming home to check in before heading out for the day.

*Seeing him was so comforting - he wasn't living at home anymore, so seeing him for an early morning "Hello" for his Mom was a welcomed treat for sure. I flipped over and said “Hi, son - whatcha doing.” He said, “Hey Mom - there’s an offshore storm that’s brought in 15-20 ft waves and Todd and I are heading down to Dog Patch for some rides!” Todd was one of his close surfing buddies and Dog Patch was his "sweet spot" on Earth - a famous surf spot in So. California where the Hawaiian surfers hung out in the 1950's. It's a classic surfspot with lots of history and stories of the "old" days, as locals say.

*When I heard that he would be surfing in stormy surf and big waves, I wanted to say “Oh, son, be careful,” but something stopped me -I choked on the words that I would be sending him off with words coming from my mother’s fears, because he was fearless and very comfortable surfing BIG waves -actually the bigger the better. But, I remember even now that I did sense the possibility that he might be harmed in some way, but I didn't want those to be my sending words to him.

*So, instead of saying "be careful," I said, “Kowabunda Dude! Have fun, I love you!” Hearing me say “kowabunga dude” (my attempt at being a cool surfer’s mom) made Kevin laugh out loud.

*And, after one of his throw-your-head back belly laughs, he said, “Ok Mama.” He then gently patted the head of our little Lhasa Apsos dog, Nikki, on the foot of the bed, then he smiled, turned and was gone.

*In that moment, I just laid there listening to the engine on his truck purr and time seemed to stand still and for some reason that I couldn't explain then, I held onto the sound of his truck leaving the driveway until I could hear the engine running no more. As I look back now, I didn't know then why I waited to listen to him drive his truck out of the driveway - but, I do recall that somehow I felt that was a special moment and so it was.

*I've asked myself a hundred times, "Why didn't you get up and greet your son? "Why didn't I show him how glad I was to see him by getting out of bed, offering to make him breakfast. If I had done that I could have had one more look at him, one more of his hugs, soaking in the scent of him, looking at his beautiful face and into those amazing Irish GREEN eyes that were the mirrors of his “beautiful soul.”

*Though I regret not getting out of bed, I treasure those moments we shared for the last " good morning," and I learned a very important lesson- - I never say goodbye to anyone that I love without looking into their eyes, giving them a hug and telling them “I Love YOU!”

Looking Back and Remembering,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

Faith, Hope and Clarity

9/9/2018

Whenever I am at a crossroad or facing a crisis or issue in my life, I begin responding by leaning into and standing on my Faith, holding onto Hope and and praying for Clarity!

Everyone reacts to stress and challenging situations and circumstances differently, but I learned a very important lesson after the loss of our son, Kevin, in 2002, that it is important to "respond" not "react," because "when emotions are high, thinking is low."

What is your typical approach to handling difficulties, trials and challenging situations?

Some people react with anger, because for some reason that is how they have learned to get themselves moving through their circumstances.

Some people do not want to face the trial or difficulty, and would rather be in denial or try to escape the reality of their situation or issue.

Some people may feel like a victim and even be somewhat paralyzed by their circumstances.

Most people feel something of all of these emotional reactions to stress and the challenges of life, at one time or another.

After Kevin died, I knew immediately that if I did not "just breathe" and lean into God, drawing closer and becoming more dependent on Him, that I would fall into my old patterns of "reacting" rather than "responding" to the heartache and pain of that life-changing loss.

Thankfully, I was given 3 books to read in the early days of my grief:
"A Grace Disguised" by Jerry Sittser
"Understanding Your Grief-Ten Essential Touchstones" by Dr. Alan Wolfhelt
"The Six Needs of Mourning" by Dr. Alan Wolfhelt

These books were very helpful in helping me understand something of how I might make my way through the "worst thing that had ever happened to me" in a healthy way. To this day, I use much of what I learned from these writers to help me maneuver through the losses, disappointments, challenges and difficulties of life.

How about you? What do you do when faced with a "mountain?" I hope you will consider some of what I have learned about how "leaning into and standing on Faith, holding onto Hope and praying for Clarity" helps. And, I highly recommend the books mentioned above, as well.

With Faith, Hope and Clarity for the Journey,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

"From Pain to Peace"

9/1/2018

As I make my way through the "journey of grief," since the loss of our son, Kevin, in 2002, I have found that this quote by Elizabreth Ammons is true for each day and every step along the path of pain and sorrow toward hope and healing peace,

I have also found that at various times during my journey that I have done and continue to do all of the things Elizabeth mentions in this quote . . . shed tears, smiled, closed my eyes wishing to see Kevin again, reflected on his legacy, felt as though my heart was empty, filled up with love to be shared, wished I could go back in time, am happy, always cherishing the treasured memories. I have cried, closed my mind and felt empty, BUT, I have also smiled, opened my heart, loved and am going on with HOPE!.

I'm sure any mom reading this now will agree that all of the above happens to us at different times.

As "moms like me" we make a choice everyday to focus on what we need to focus on to make our way through our pain and sorrow. Gladly and thankfully, most of the the moms I know seem to focus mostly on choosing to "smile, open their heart, love and go on" and that's because we have HOPE for better days ahead and being reunited with our child one day, and that changes everything.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlike@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info