Blog Posts - "A Mother Like Me"

"From Pain to Peace"

9/1/2018

As I make my way through the "journey of grief," since the loss of our son, Kevin, in 2002, I have found that this quote by Elizabreth Ammons is true for each day and every step along the path of pain and sorrow toward hope and healing peace,

I have also found that at various times during my journey that I have done and continue to do all of the things Elizabeth mentions in this quote . . . shed tears, smiled, closed my eyes wishing to see Kevin again, reflected on his legacy, felt as though my heart was empty, filled up with love to be shared, wished I could go back in time, am happy, always cherishing the treasured memories. I have cried, closed my mind and felt empty, BUT, I have also smiled, opened my heart, loved and am going on with HOPE!.

I'm sure any mom reading this now will agree that all of the above happens to us at different times.

As "moms like me" we make a choice everyday to focus on what we need to focus on to make our way through our pain and sorrow. Gladly and thankfully, most of the the moms I know seem to focus mostly on choosing to "smile, open their heart, love and go on" and that's because we have HOPE for better days ahead and being reunited with our child one day, and that changes everything.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlike@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

The "Pass Over"

8/5/2018

I'm sure that we all have many questions for God, and it is difficult to understand how His plan works for good in our lives, and the lives of others, especially when tragedy and heartache enter our lives.

Recently, my heart was wrenched with sorrow for a "mom like me" who has suffered the loss of one of her daughters, and who's daughter has now suffered the loss a precious baby boy born dead.

The baby died on the day he was due, because the umblical cord was wrapped around his neck preventing him from being born alive. This news is such a heartbreaking reality and I know so many young moms who live with the loss of a baby born dead or dying soon after their birth.

This sad news also made me think of how our son, David, who could have been born dead, as his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times. Then comes the question . . ."Why did David live and this other precious child did not?" That could have so easily been us.

I have had these type of questions throughout my life, beginning when we lived in Connecticut and we would experience the surreal waking in the morning after a horrible hurricane to see what damage had been done in the night.

One morning after a very great storm, I walked out with my Dad to see that some houses were damaged or destroyed and others were not . . . "How could that be?" I asked my Dad. "We all went through the same storm, why is our house still here and others are not? Why did the storm "pass over" some and not all?"

I cannot recall my Dad's exact words, as I was only about 5 years old, but I do remember that he helped me understand that God is in control of every aspect of our lives, including the storms, and that we are to be thankful, when we have been "passed over." He also encouraged me to use these times to have compassion for others, caring for and helping those who were not "passed over."

As I consider all the times that my family and I have been "passed over," and those times, when we have not, one thing remains very clear to me; in the times we are passed over there is great relief and gratitude, as we acknowledge that we have been spared and protected, when we are not passed over, I trust God in all circumstances, because I believe in His promises and that though we cannot understand "His ways," His plan for us is always "for good and not for evil." (Jeremiah 29:11).

As my dear brother-in-law once said, "this is a beautiful, but dangerous planet, and we must have the heart of a Lion (the Lion of Judah) to live with faith and courage." And, I would add we must be intentional about "trusting God with all of our heart, soul, mind and body!"

When we are passed over and when we are not, I am humbled and reminded that we are not in control and we cannot take a nano-second of our lives for granted, as we do all too often.

Thinking and praying for the precious mom and her daughter who are suffering in response to the loss of the child they so wanted to love and watch grow up.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

Prone to Wander

8/1/2018

I wrote this in June of 2017, when I found myself in a "fire of unexpected sorrows."

I have mourned some significant losses and have worn the sackcloth of heartache, disappointment, grief, pain and sufferings that are common to all people who live life on the Earth.

Though, I have not been faced with the horrors of famine, slavery, war or constant physical pain, I have certainly faced giants and enemies from without and within, and have had my portion of desert and wilderness wanderings; many not because of my own accord, but some, because "I am prone to wander," as are the words from the age-old hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" . . .

Vs 3: "O, to grace how great a debtor,
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee;
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it
For Thy courts above. Amen!"

I am prone to wander from "the God I love," not intentionally, but because I am pulled in other directions, because I can be impulsice, somewhat naive or just simply forgetful of how much I need God's spirit and presence in me to stay close to the"God that I love."

I am prone to wander, when I let others influence me, when I don't carve out time and space for time with God. I have the time and the space, but I often lack discipline and I cannot blame anyone but myself for this lack of discipline.

I am prone to wander, and I'm also prone to adjust, adapt and get used to my surroundings and situations, whether in a valley, desert, wilderness or on a hilltop.

How I want to live as one of God's sheep safely at home as one of His flock, a sheep that not only knows His voice, but completely and fully rests and relies on the shelter, protection and provision of the Shepherd.

Please God, help this sheep to listen for and to Your voice and keep me from wandering.

Grazing in His abiding love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

The Candle

7/25/2018

"I am a candle that wants to shine for You, Father.
Though at times my wick is weak, bent over and spent.
When it is Your fire that fills me up,
My flame glows, shimmers and shines bright and true.
Let me never hide my 'light under a bushel' or let 'Satan blow it out!"

I am intended to shine. We are all intendd to shine, but I don't want to shine for my own brilliance, but for God's glory - His delight and pleasure in me-because He is my Creator, Father and King.

How I want Him to rule and reign in my heart. But, I need Him to show me His power, glory and might and to keep the flame burning in me, making my wick straight and strong until that day when He either returns for His people or calls me HOME.

My brother, Russ, and I used to sing a chorus that has resonated in my heart and soul, since I was a very young girl . . .
"This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine. Hide it under a bushel NO!
This little light of mine I'm going to let it shine. Won't let Satan blow it out.
This little light of mine I'm going to let it shine. I'll let it shine til Jesus comes!"

This world is filled with darkness and light; daylight, moonlight and starlight. Also, there is darkness and light in people and in their lives - what would the world be like if there were more light than darkness, more good than evil, more love than hatred?

I recently read a blog written by a young woman who is very concerned about the hatred and lack of civility and kindness that seems to be permeated our society now and it made me think that there are most certainly forces of light and darkness in the world and but I believe it's impossible to bring light into darkness simply by our will alone, but, I have witnessed that when we allow God to fill us with His light, than we cannot help but "shine."

Don't you need a "candle" in your life to light the way for you? Don't you know somone who needs God's light to shine in their heart? I want to be filled with the light of Christ and to take my candle with me wherever I go and whatever I do in the hope of bringing light and shining according to God's will and purpose for my life - how about you? How's the wick of your candle?

With the Light of Christ in my Heart,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

A Greater Thirst

7/22/2018

Sometimes, not often, but sometimes I feel really sorry for myself, because I have suffered the loss of my Dad, my son and my brother. . . three loves of my life that I miss more than I can say.

With each loss, I feel like parts of myself went with them. and this morning was one of those times, when the sorrow and grief surfaced in a big way and I asked God "Why? Why did you take these three men that I love so deeply from me?"

Though, I know first of all that these beautiful souls are not mine, but given as gifts to the world for a time and a season, as an experienced griever, I have learned that I will l have these moments and that the LORD is always faithful to honor my grief and my honesty with Him, bringing almost instantaneous comfort, strength and peace.

This morning the comfort and peace came to me through a few songs that were played on the praise and worship station that I was listening to; the first song was about connecting the hurt with the Healer, next from God's Word that
"I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind." and then through a song written by Laura Story entitled "Blessings." https://youtu.be/Cd6J6Wgnv4M.

My husband, Bob, and I talked at breakfast about the grief that I so often experience that is connected to the loss of my Dad, our son and my brother, and how we do not know how people live with such sorrow and/or depression without the Spirit of God present within us.

As Bob said, "for those who are suffering who often move into the dark place of depression, the pain and sorrow can consume and overwhelm us, if there is not the hope of Christ to hold onto - that which steadies and anchors us and we can feel helpless and hopeless."

For me, it is the hope that this world is not our home and we all are just passing through and for that "greater thirst" inside my heart and soul for our eternal home. How grateful I am for my Dad who planted what I believe to be the truth that "this world is not my home, I'm just passing through," and how he, my son and my brother point the way, but I know nothing will quench my "greater thirst" except the love and presence of God within me, and that hope of one day being HOME.

Thirsty for God and Home Today,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

Heart Strings

7/10/2018

Music has always been a language that best speaks to and for me. I have never idolized music or musicians, but I have been thankful for the language of music and that melodies flow through me effortlessly and consistently.

I grew up in a home that was filled with music - my mom is a musician, my dad loved to sing and dance and my early childhood years were all about music; singing it, playing it on the piano, listening and dancing to it . . . everyday there was music.

I recall a time, when our son, Kevin, was probably about 10 years old, when he had a small aquarium in his room. One day I turned on melodic, classical music and he and I lay on his bed and watched the fish swimming to what seemed like the rythmn of the music; he was absolutely delighted. How I cherish that moment in time that we shared together and all the times when music connected our hearts and souls.

Because music is the language of our soul, after Kevin died in 2002, the music changed for me - not that music is no longer important to me, but it has a different place in my heart and life. Until Kevin's death, I was a "singer of songs" (since I was less than 2 years old) and there was never a time in my life that I was not singing solos or in groups, but after Kevin's death that all changed.

Because music is a language that is tied to my emotions, my emotions are easily stirred by a melody or lyrics. Soon after Kevin died, I couldn't sing without crying - even if the tears were not tears of sorrow, the music moved my emotions deeply, and I found it very difficult to sing without crying. Listening to music replaced my singing, and I found that writing songs became a new vehicle for my need to sing. I believe this was God's way of keeping the music alive in me while I was in the "valley of the shadow of death." And, I have no concern about whether or not anyone will ever hear or sing the songs I have written, these melodies and lyrics have all been soothing gifts of comfort from God.

Now, at this time of my life, I am content in the reality that music is from Him and for Him first and foremost, for I know that He is the source of music and that "God gives the song!"

What about you, precious Moms? Does music soothe you - stir your emotions - cause you to feel things you wouldn't ordinarily feel? May God give you a song in your heart.

With a Song in My Heart,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

Give What's Left of Me Away!

7/2/2018

A neighbor recently shared this poem with me and it speaks to what I believe our son, Kevin, would tell us . . .

"Now that I'm gone, remember me with a smile and laughter. And, if you need to cry, cry with our family and friends who walk in grief beside you.

And, when you need me, put your arms around anyone and give to them what you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something. Something much better than words or sounds. Look for me in the people I've known and loved or helped out in some special way.

Let me live in your eyes as well as in your mind. You can love me the most by letting love live within the circle of your arms, embracing the frightened or lonely one.

Love does not die, people do. So, when all that's left of me is love, give me away as best as you can. I'll see you at HOME, where I'm waiting." - Unknown

Over the past 16 years, I have heard and read many people's thoughts about how they believe that their loved ones who are no longer living on this Earth are still here somehow, but this writing speaks the truest to me.

Our son, Kevin, was known for being a VERY loving person - one who everyone said was "the most loving and non-judgemental person they ever knew." His fiance' called him "Luvvy," and that was the perfect nickname for him.

And so, rather than me trying to imagine how Kevin might "come to me" or be " present to me" when I am missing and/or needing him (which I do not believe he is because I strongly believe he is now a "citizen of Heaven"), I imagine him in Heaven and consider how I might keep his legacy alive and well. And, so in his honor, I am intentional about giving something of "him away" by my loving actions, which I know in my mother's heart is what he would want me to do.

I will not waste my time or emotional energy on trying to keep Kevin connected to this Earth somehow, but I release him, letting him live on in his new home - Heaven! There are many times when I "need" my son, and in those times I put my "arms around someone and give to them" what I would so like to give to him.

Giving What I Can Give,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

The Time of My Life

6/26/2018

Who would think that when faced with heartache, sorrow and pain that not only good can come out of those times, but that they could turn out to be some of the "times of my life?"

When our youngest son, Kevin, died in January of 2002, my precious niece created a video in honor of his life set to music.

At one point in the video, pictures of him and his fiance,Vee's, time together as a couple was set to several songs that fit perfectly as background music for their love story. Two of my favorites were the Righteous Brother's "I Had The Time of My Life," and "Unchained Melody." To me, these songs spoke of the essence of their short-lived love that began as a playful friendship, quickly turning to a deep and abiding love.

These songs also speak to me of the life that I have lived with the "love of my life," AND the joy that is mine in Christ - living and abiding in His everlasting and faithful love, as I live with Him in my heart and soul, His spirit ever moving me away from the edge of the tomb toward our Heavenly HOME. How I hope that this will be one of the songs that I will sing eternally . . .

"Now, I had the time of my life
No, I've never felt like this before.
Yes, I swear it's the truth
And, I owe it all to you (Lord).
......Just remember
You're the one thing I can't get enough of
So I'll tell you something
I've had the time of my life."

Because of You, my God and my King, no matter what comes my way, when it's my time to leave this earth's pull I'll say . . "I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU!!"

With Love and Gratitude,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

"Bearing with One Another"

6/23/2018

Who do you know that seems to have the gift or ability to truly "bear with one another in love?" These are the people with gentle, forgiving spirits that sets them apart from the rest of humanity somehow. These are the people who truly know how to love, not loving to be loved in return, but just loving for the sake of love.

In looking at Ephesians 4:2, it seems to me that the key to "bearing with one another" is that we are to be "completely humble, gentle and patient." Completely - fully!!! As human beings, how is that possible?

When I think of what it means to be "humble and gentle," I naturally think of Jesus. He was "completely humble, gentle and patient" and He most certainly "beared" with all of us in love - to the point of death for our redemption and salvation.

Though, I want to be "completely humble, gentle and patient" it really isn't my nature, and so I have to work at this, and it takes a lot of work for me, with God's help!

What about you? Are you someone who is naturally humble, gentle and patient with others - especially as you live with the pain and sorrow of losing a child?

For me, it is easy to bear with other "moms like me" in love, as I understand what they are going through in response to the loss of their child. But, what about with others who don't understand and cannot relate to the heartache of child loss? Am I humble, gentle and patient with them? I have to admit, not so much in the past, but I am getting much better about this now that I am healing and I have learned so much about how grief affects us. And, because finally after more than 16years, the epicenter of my life is not my grief and sorrow, and I find that I am much more patient and loving toward others in the process.

When we are grieving, it is all too easy to judge and criticize those who don't seem to know how to "bear" our pain and sorrow. However, I believe that we must understand that though they may genuinely love us and want to help us, they are not equipped to bear the weight of our sorrows, which is why we need to invite and involve God into our sorrow for His comfort, strength and healing, because no person on Earth can comfort, strengthen and heal as He can and does.

All too often relationships change and even become estranged following the death of a child or a loved one. The loss of a child is a huge burden to bear, and it changes everything; and I have found that if we are not careful, we will be what changes the most and not always for the better - it's much too easy to become angry and even bitter in response to our despair.

And, so I write this blog today reminding myself, as well as other "moms like me," to humble ourselves in our grief, seeking to be "gentle, patient" and loving in the midst of our sufferings, erring on the side of grace whenever possible, "bearing with one another in love" - and this doesn't mean just other grieving moms, but our husbands, family and friends, as well.

With Humility,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

Turn Toward the Son!

6/8/2018

Companioning with hundreds of moms who have suffered the loss of a child over the past 12 years, I have learned that because each of us are unique, though we share something of the grief connected to the loss of a child, we each learn to live with our loss(es) in our way.

For me, after the death of our son, Kevin, I grieved deeply, but I knew early in my grieving that I did not want grief to define me and that though I hurt, I was determined to allow God to comfort, heal and restore me to the fullness of life, as only He can. I longed for what I called "grief relief," and so I did my grief work while turning to God.

For me, though being connected to other "moms like me" was helpful and encouraging, especially seeing those moms who were further along in their grief enjoying everyday life gave me hope. However, it was (and still is) only, when I connected my broken heart and hurt with the Healer that God's Word came to life where He tells us that "I AM the only one to bring out the miracle in you." Support groups, bereavement resources and professionals are all helpful in the "journey through grief," but I have found that healing only comes from the Healer.

It has been my personal experience that those who mourn and are comforted by God truly heal and find their way back into life with renewed meaning and purpose. For me, it was when I turned my heart toward God that I was able to be set free from the pain and sorrow of loss that could have so easily crippled me for the rest of my life, if I had let it.

I was surprised to learn several years ago that the sunflower is the only flower that ctually turns to follow the Sun and as I look at this picture, I think of all the moms that I know who stand in a field of sorrow together, looking to one another for comfort, hope and encouragement that in all honesty can only be truly found in turning toward the Son of God, the only One with the power and the means by which to truly heal and restore a broken heart. Give God a chance, He wants to comfort and restore those who mourn.

Won't you try "turning" to Him?

Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com