Sometimes remembering my son, Kevin, moves me to a place of sorrow, but to not think of him and remember him is simply unthinkable.
I must remember him and accepting that in the remembering, I know that the loss of him causes this mother's heart to "ache" and the ache for him "never goes away."
No matter the pain, I am determined to remember my son, and I have accepted that I will always miss him and that in remembering and recalling the life that we shared for 28 years on this earth is like a "double-edged sword" of emotions"
Recently, one of my cousins suffered the sudden and tragic death of her youngest son - hearbreaking news and I am so sad that she has to live with the loss of her beautiful son. Her firstborn child was stillborn, and I can still remember that day which was back in the 60's as I walked into the hospital room not knowing what to do or say and being so young all I did was talk and talk and talk. At this time in my life, after losing my own son and companioning with many "moms like me" through the years, I know much better how to comfort, support and enourage her, but how I hate that she has to live with yet another loss of a beloved child.
As I continue to live life without our son, thankfully more often than not, a wellspring of hope eternal comforts me, as I remember him and imagine our reunion one day. Only in the moments of remembering, do I recapture the reality of my son and also the intensity of the loss of him, and I cannot imagine living with this pain and sorrow without my faith in Eternity through Jesus Christ..
Another dear cousin of mine recently shared these words of wisdom with me, as she has been going through months of cancer surgery and treatments: "Eventually, we all figure out that life is going on no matter where we are at that moment. While in a moment, it seems like things will not pass, faith certainly gets us through those dark moments."
I miss my son, Kevin, being here with me and nothing will ever change that until we are reunited one day. Our family continues to live and celebrate life, but as we mark time and come together for special events, such as our son, David and his wife, Vel's, 25th Anniversary celebration this weekend, the pictures without him remind me that he is gone, but remains a part of us as we wait for the time when we are together again. Until then, I absolutely agree with my cousin that "faith certainly gets us through those dark moments."
Written thinking of other "moms like me" missing their own children and others who are suffering loss,