Just when I think that the grief and sorrow connected to the loss of my son, Kevin, is going away, I am reminded that will never happen.
Bob and I recently had a 7-day vacation at a resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Our room was located right on the beach and the sight and sounds of the water and waves moved us both to a place of remembering our life spent in California and how we will always be "beach people."
Our beach-side vacation was wonderful! The Sea of Cortez is a beautiful piece of ocean, and the salty water, ebbing tides, sand, tropical trees and flowers, along with the intense heat and humidity, felt familiar and good, but this location also pushed some emotional triggers for both of us.
On our last night, we were sitting poolside watching the sunset and there was a wedding reception taking place on the veranda next to where we were sitting. We talked about how we hadn't been to a wedding, since Kevin's fiance's wedding a few years ago. Being a part of Vee's wedding was emotionally difficult, but also such a blessing for us to be a part of her celebration of love and future life together with her husband, David Moeller, a friend and co-worker of Kevin's.
Bob and I are very comfortable with moments like these, moments when we are drawn back to a place of remembering our son, and confronting how much we miss him and the life we shared together as a family. When we moved from California to Colorado, we knew that there would be moments like these, when we would be reminded of what and who we miss and we are never surprised when we are drawn back to another place and another time.
Returning to the beach this Summer also reminded us of how different our life is since Kevin's death and our relocation from California to Colorado. We were also reminded of the importance of remembering who we are and how important it is to keep moving forward, not dwelling on the past, because each and everyday we are making memories that we will either regret or cherish.
There is a plaque that hangs on the wall in the beach-themed lower level of our home that celebrates "sandy toes and salty kisses." We have had lots of sandy toes and we have exchanged many salty kisses throughout our life, and this little plaque is very special to me, as the wife and mom of authentic California "beach boys!"
Another tender, but painful memory I have of sandy toes and salty kisses is of the time, when I brushed the sand from between the toes of our son, Kevin, as he lay lifeless in that San Clemente hospital emergency room, and when I shared in one last "salty kiss" for my beloved son.
With the sweetness of sandy toes and salty kisses in my heart today and everyday,
Angie "a mom like you"