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Signs of Mercy and Grace

1/31/2016

There have been many times in my life, when I am in awe of how real and present the God of the Universe is to one like me. Times when I know that His attentions are turned directly toward me, and this morning was one of those times.

How I long for these moments, when I am powerfully reminded and convinced that God loves me and that I am covered and sealed by His amazing mercy and grace. Times when He is specifically turns my attention to how He answers my pleadings and petitions berought before His Throne of Grace.

Have you done things that you deeply regret? Things that, when you are reminded of them, make you cringe with shame? Well, I have done things that could easily haunt and taunt me, if I didn't have the conficence and assurance that I have been forgiven for my sinful wretchedness. Because I have given my heart, soul, mind and body to my Heavenly Father, when I am reminded of these things, He is faithful to remind me that my sins have been "washed as white as snow," because of the Cross of Calvary where Jesus, our Redeemer, took upon Himself the sins of the world that we might be eternally free!

There are people I know I have sinned against throughout my life - some knowgingly, some by omission. I have sinned in word and in deed and I am ashamed. However, the love and forgiveness of two of the people that I deeply hurt in the past is are now being used for my healing and for God's glory, as just this morning He showed me in very specific ways that my sin is indeed "washed whiter than snow!"

As I have shared before, I LOVE the snow. Though, I don't love the cold, the snow always reminds me of "God's treasury of snow" that is a good reminder that as there are no two snowflakes that are the same, neither are there two people the same. The snow also reminds me God not only forgives our sins, but He truly "washes" us whiter than snow, because of the blessed work of the Cross of Jesus. How I love Jesus! How I am praising and adoring Him on this Sunday morning, and how I thank Him for His unconditional love, mercy and grace.

One of the ways that the LORD ministers to me is through music - definitely the language of my soul. On this special day, two songs specifically spoke to my grateful heart and I'd like to share them with world! God tells us "I'm the only One to bring out the miracle in you" and today, I say a great "AMEN and AMEN," as He continues to bring out the miracles in me!

Below are the links for "Lift Your Head Weary Sinner" by Crowder and "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson - I hope the words and music will speak a measure of God's love and grace into your life today, too!

https://youtu.be/L3yOoJGiZpE
https://youtu.be/6Hcwd5Y6B00

With Faith, Hope, Love and GRACE,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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Bitter or Better?

1/30/2016

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The first response to the loss of a loved one is typically shock and/or denial, accompanied by intense feelings of sorrow and irratic emotions. After the physical shock begins to subside, then comes the really hard part; living with what I call the "raw reality" of loss.

After companioning with hundreds of "moms like me" who have sufferef the loss of a child, it has been my experience that when the physical shock lessens, there is a point where we not only have to acknowledge, accept and embrace the pain of our loss, we have to decide how we are going to respond from that point forward.

Some decide to try to deny the reality, avoid the arduous task of working through their grief, begin the blame game, as they search for someone or something to blame or blaming themselves. We may feel like a victim with feelings of helplessness and despair somehow chosen for unfair, undeserved pain and suffering. Some have deep-seeded anger and all too quickly become bitter with no desire or intention to hope for or look for good that may come out of the loss.

Statistics show that relationships are immediately affected following the death of a loved one; troubled marriages sometimes end in divorce, family and other relationships may become tense or even estranged. The journey of grief can most definitely be a life-changing event, as well as a change in ourselves and if we are not careful, the change will not be for the better.The fortunate grievers are those who realize that unresolved grief can easily turn into bitterness and that it will prevent them from recovering and finding healing peace.

After the death of our son, Kevin, someone asked my husband, Bob, if he was angry and his response was
"Who should I be angry with? Kevin? The ocean he died in? God? Who? What?" Neither Bob nor I were ever angry about the loss of our son, our focus was on the sorrow, pain and suffering that we were experiencing - we hurt all over, our tears seemed never-ending and we just wanted our son back. For us, at the time, the best response was to simply mourn the loss of our son, honoring his memory by focusing on how we were going to live without him. .

Further into our grieving, however, we faced many issues and situations where we had to make a conscious choice as to how we would respond and we did not always respond as we would now respond, knowing what we know about the affects of grieving on our heart, soul, mind, body and relationships.

Thankfully, with the help, guidance, support and companionship of family and friends, professional bereavement counseling and our heightened grief-related awareness and education, we learned how to maneuver our way through our grieving for the "better." The death of our son set us on a path that would change us completely and in gratitude to the One who was and is our faithful comforter, we can say without hesitation that we were and will never be "bitter" about our loss and we look back and realize that we are definitely "better" people; more compassionate, more patient, more understanding and we have learned how to love others unconditionally, taking no one for granted.

How about you? What choices are you making in response to your loss? Are you "bitter or better?" It's up to each of us to decide.

Taking responsibility for my choices,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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"Taking All The Time I Need"

1/27/2016

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Living with personal loss of any kind is painful and challenging. We are affected by loss in ways that we may not realize. Over time, it becomes obvious to anyone who is paying attention that we never completely
"get over" the grief that is connected to loss and there is no "time limit
for grief."

No matter the years that pass since the loss of our yougest son, Kevin, there are still times when I am overwhelmed by grief, which serves to remind me that there is no time limit on grief. Even though I know this is true, I am always surprised, when the intensity of grief hits me with as much ferocity, as when I originally suffered the loss of my son.

I am trying to determine what to do with one of my son, Kevin's, shirts that he wore when he began his career with Andersen's Black Angus restaurants. The shirt is in perfect condition and I can see him wearing it, as though it was yesterday. At the time of Kevin's death, he was one of the youngest managers for Black Angus restaurants in the United States, and so this shirt is a part of his story and something of his that I can see and touch.

When I took the shirt out of Kevin's "keepsake" drawer, I unfolded it and held it up to look at it and grief gripped me like someone socked me in the stomach and grabbed my heart and was squeezing it. I hunched over in pain and I wept out loud. Holding tight to the shirt, it was as if I was holding onto my son and it hurt so much. Though painfiul, I do not regret experiencing that pain and sorrow for in that moment I was reminded of the reality of my son, and as always he was worth the pain and the tears.

It is sad, though understandable, that people who have not suffered loss of someone they love more than life itself would think there should be some kind of time limit for grieving. I have come to believe that people who insolate themselves from periodic moments of grief do so because they are not yet comfortable with the reality that there is truly no time limit on love and therefore on grieving the loss of one we have loved and that to experience such an intense loss is to definitely heartbreaking.

I am ever mindful and thankful that the broken pieces of my heart are held together by the One who holds all things in His loving and ever-faithful hands. I also have come to accept the reality that is not only OK, but absolutely necessary that I grieve as often as I have to, because I will never stop missing my son. And, as there is not ending to my loving him, therefore, there is no ending to my missing and mourning the loss of him. I am healing, growing and living life to the fullest, but, I give myself permission to take all the time I need, which will be until that day, when we meet again, standing together in Christ forever and ever and ever in that place where there is no more sorrow and no more tears.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail,com

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"Blank Pages"

1/25/2016

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Within days after the death of my son, Kevin, I opened my journal with the thought of writing something about what I was experiencing.

At first, I just sat staring at the blank pages and I didn't know where to begin. How would I find the words to pen what I was going through? I was struggling just to survive day-by-day, and my emotions were raw, I ached all over, the grief was unbearable and I could barely form a sentence much less express myself through words.

What good could there be in my documenting what I was feeling and experiencing? What if someone found and read my expressions of pain after I am gone?

It took several weeks of opening and closing my journal before I found my voice. When I decided to write without thinking, with no concern for the outcome or whether anyone would ever read my penned pain and grief, the words flowed freely and I filled the pages of that journal and many others in the months and years that passed.

These journals are now part of the story of my journey from the edge of the tomb to the edge of eternity. I was hesitant in writing about my brokeness and sorrow, but now these journals are a documented reminder of how God led me through the "valley of the shadow of death" into the eternal light of Christ.

A grieving mom who shared that she often thought of journaling or writing a blog, following the loss of her beloved daughter, said that she didn't think she could find the right words. I encouraged her to "just do it" - to just write without putting much thought into what she was writing, for I believe and have experienced that God will most certainly help us find our voice and that documenting our journey through grief can teach us so much about that journey and about ourselves.

Growing up, I had many stories that I wanted to write about, but there was no one to mentor me or show me the way into writing. No one could have told me that it would be the death of my child that would unlock a passion to write. Now, I write all the time and for those who read my blogs, you may notice that at times, I post more than one blog a month - sometimes it's weekly and today, I have written four blogs to be posted in the future.

If you are struggling to find the words that need expressing, I want to encourage you to sit in front of the blank pages with your pen (or computer) in hand, whisper a prayer asking the Lord to "open the eyes of your heart and to give you the words" and I am confident that He is faithful and "close to the brokenhearted," and the words will come - maybe not in the way you think they should come, but if you are honest with yourself, they will come from that place of honest vulnerabilility, that place where most writers emerse.

Where blank pages were once threatening to me, now I just write!

For My Granddaughter, Josslyn,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.

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"Better Is One Day in Your House"

1/6/2016

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"Better is one day in Your courts. Better is one day in Your House than a thousand elsewhere."

Listening to this praise song, my attention was turned toward this coming Sunday, January 10th, a day that marks the 14th year since our son, Kevin, entered the "House of God."

We inscribed "How lovely are Thy dwelling places where we are ever praising Thee" on our son's headstone, because even on the day we laid his 28 year-old body to rest, our family believed that he was living eternally, surrounded by pure love, glory, worship and praise in the House of the LORD.

Though, I would prefer that I did not have to imagine my son in Heaven, the truth of God's Word and the promises fleshed out in Jesus (John 3:16) are deeply planted and rooted in my heart and soul. When Kevin headed "home" before me, my faith was tested and refined, as never before, and that is when I began to live my life "on the edge of Eternity."

Aware of all that is going on in our world; the suffering, grief, wars and rumors of war, hate, greed, changes in our Country's foundational principles and values and a surge of secular/humanism, I often ask my Heavenly Father how long He intends me to remain on this Earth. He knows that when He is ready, I am ready for my day in "His courts and His House"

Does this mean that I have given up on life? Absolutely not, just the opposite! I have a lot of living to do and until it is my "day in His courts," I will be intentional to live with greater love, passion and joy. But, because my Dad entered God's "house" when I was just 12 years old and our son took his place there in 2002, the "eyes of my heart" are turned toward my "Father's House."

Even in my most sorrowful, darkest of days following the death of my dad and my son, I did not grieve as one without hope and it has been my personal experience, as I have travelled through the "valley of the shadow of death" that God's promises never disappoint.

Our Father's Courts and House must really be something, if just one day is better than "a thousand elsewhere," which is why I have never wanted my dad or Kevin back, not even for one last look, because I believe with all of my heart that they would only long for their "one day" back in their Father's House rather than being here or anywhere else for a "thousand."

As I look ahead to this Sunday that marks 14 years x 365 days since I last saw my son, I will not focus on the thousands of days that I have lived with the loss of my child, but rather that "one day" when he arrived in the "House of God." I love and miss him, but there is much peace and comfort in imagining him as an active resident and participant in the "Courts of Praise" now and forevermore!

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

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Signs of Mercy and Grace

Bitter or Better?

"Taking All The Time I Need"

"Blank Pages"

"Better Is One Day in Your House"

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