Blog Archives - "A Mother Like Me"

In Loving Memory of Elijah on Memorial Day 2013

5/26/2013

After Elijah's accident, we had MANY, MANY questions that unfortunately had no answers...our son was healthy, handsome, smart, honest, athletic and loving. There was no reason that was good enough for me, my husband and our family that in a blink of an eye 11/17/05 would change us forever...yes, forever.

As we've been taught and have taught our children....we believe that the Bible is the light in our darkness, the rule book of our lives, and it contains the answers to all of our questions. We believe that the Lord's Word is true and He has a divine time for every one of us - and an appointed time that we will leave this world behind to live on with Him in Eternity.

It was clear to us, when my husband read 1 Kings 17:5 "so he went and did according to the Word of the Lord, for he went and lived by the brook, Cherith, which flows into the Jordan" (talking about Elijah of course). This was a revelation to us, you see our son is not in our past...he is now in our future, waiting for us. He was 12 years old, when Father God called him home, and it gives us great peace to know that he is now all about the Father's business.

There is a saying that goes, " when one door closes, another one opens." Well, thanks to a loving God...He doesn't ever allow the door to close, when he takes one of His children home :) Our son lives daily in our hearts and our minds, and we love him more everyday, as we love our girls more every day. Knowing that we will see him again, that he lives on in eternity helps us to accept the reality that Elijah is just beyond the "Jordan!"

Be blessed,
Lisanne Brown "a mom like you"

Huntington Beach, CA

Final Thoughts and Reflections on Mother's Day 2013

5/12/2013

As the sun is setting to announce the end of Mother's Day here in Northern Colorado, I am wondering what kind of weekend and day you have experienced.

Were you as busy as I was - surrounded by family?

Were you ever mindful of the that someone very special was missing?

Did you spend the day alone?

Did memories of happier Mother's Day come to your heart and mind?

Were you able to speak your child's name? Was there an element of thankfulness and even joy or did you suffer and grieve even more than you expected you would?

As you can tell, I am very mindful of you today, as I know how emotional this day can be for all of us who have suffered the loss of a child. You are ALWAYS in my heart and prayers and I hope that you are at peace and rest, as this day come to a close.

It has been my absolute honor and pleasure to compile and post the week's- worth of "reflections" from some very special "heroes of hope" in preparation for Mother's Day 2013. I have been deeply touched by the courage, faith and hope displayed in what each mom has shared - - evidence that God's promise to "give beauty for ashes, joy for mourning and praise for the spirit of heaviness . . . " Isaiah 61:3 is a reality in their lives.

A Special Thank You! to each precious mom who wrote for these postings - you honor your children and glorify God with how you are living your life in response t - I always look forward to hearing from other "moms like me" and you honor your children and glorify God with how you are living with the hole in your heart that has your "eternal" child's name written all over it.

We would be pleased to hear comments from those of you who have read these posts - were you comforted and encouraged somehow? Blessings and Hugs, Angie Green, Director, Mothers Like Me Comfort Ministry

In Loving Memory of Joshua and Jennifer
Susan Gray, Founding Director, Haven of Hope Ministries for Grieving Moms
www.haven-of-hope.org

There was a time that I anticipated and celebrated this wonderful day back before it became painful.

There was a time that motherhood did not hurt. It was hard sure, and as a single mom, it brought its challenges. But, I absolutely adore being a mom.

Then on November 31,2002 I lost both of my children to a horrific train accident that also took the life of my dad. I went home to an empty house, as those were my only children. Not only did Mothers Day change for me, but my identity changed, as well. Who was I, if I was no longer Joshua and Jennifer's mother? What was my purpose? What next?

Then I read this scripture Philippians 1:6 “For I am sure of this very thing, that the one who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Then I knew that just because Joshua and Jennifer were not here on Earth with me, I am still their mother. I will never cease being their mother. Parenting them just looks different now.

The truth of that passage tells me that their lives here on Earth are over, but their legacy lives on until the day of Christ Jesus. My job now, as their mom, is to help that legacy live on, while glorifying God. This gives me purpose in my pain, what a gift.

I have since remarried, and I now have four wonderful boys that call me mom. But, Mother's Day will never be the same for me. There will be no more Mothe'rs Day hugs and kisses from Joshua and Jennifer, and that still stings no matter how many more children call me mom. However, I have found purpose in my pain and I love sharing about Joshua and Jennifer every chance I get.

So this Mothers Day I still did not anticipate it, but I celebrated it, because I would not trade one moment of the joy of being Joshua and Jennifer's mother.

My prayer for all of us this Mother's Day is that we can find comfort and purpose in our pain, and we can celebrate carrying on our children’s legacy until the day of Christ Jesus.

In Loving Memory of My Son, Ryan
Shirley Vander Wall, Belleville, Michigan

Mother's Day has always been a blessed day for me. I loved being a mom to our 3 children, Renee, Matt, and Ryan, and now a grandma to 8 grandchildren. Two Mother's Day Sundays stand out in my mind, both related to our son, Ryan.

When Ryan was 3 years old, we brought him to Denver for open heart surgery (April 1981) for tricuspid atresia. As this was a new surgery for the local surgeon and for patients from the high altitude of Denver, we were rather apprehensive about the outcome. God heard the prayers of a host of family and friends: Ryan's surgery was successful and his health improved dramatically!

A few weeks later, as I sat in church with Ryan on my lap on Mother's Day, I was overwhelmed with thanks to God for our "new" son!

Through the years, Ken and the children treated me royally on Mother's Day with handmade cards, flowers, breakfast in bed, hugs, and sitting together in church. We prayed that our children would learn to love the God we served. I will always treasure those memories.

In December 2006, we lost Ryan to liver cancer, a long term result of his heart problems and the surgery he had had in 1981. God had blessed him with a life filled with friends, loving family, and normal activities. As Mother's Day approached in 2007,
I braced for the familiar wave of grief. However, I was surprised to realize, as I sat in church on that Sunday, that my greatest hope for my children was that they know the Lord and would spend Eternity with Him. My prayers had been answered for Ryan! A new wave of thankfulness to God filled my heart, as I imagined our voices joining with Ryan's, praising God in Heaven. This thought continues to give me joy every Mother's Day.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of life. Thank you for loaning these children to us for a Season. Thank you for Your Son, who died for us and rose again, so that we might live Eternally with You. Amen.

One of my favorite Bible passages continues to be Jeremiah 29:11,12   "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

"Mom, You're Amazing!" A Song Written on the Heart of "a mom like me!"

5/12/2013

Below are the lyrics to a special song that Jesus has written with love on my heart for Mother's Day 2013.
With Love, Karen McNeil, Ft. Collins, CO - Happy Mothers Day!

"Mom, You're Amazing (Just the way you are!)"

Verse 1:
Oh, her eyes, her eyes, she looks at me and there’s no lyin’
They say, they say, “I love you so” without me tryin’
She's so beautiful, I wanna tell her every day

Her hands, her hands, they hold me close when I am laughing
Her hands, her hands, they hold me close when I am crying
It’s the perfect hug, cuz it makes me feel ok

Chorus:
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Mom you're amazing, just the way you are
You make me feel alive, cuz your beauty’s from way down deep inside
God made you amazing, just the way you are

Verse 2:
Oh, I know, I know she’s clothed with strength and dignity
Her faith, her faith, she points me to the God I can’t see
She’s so beautiful, I wanna tell her every day

Bridge:
Oh, you know, you know, you know I'd never want you to change
Your perfect, that’s the thing I know, God made you that way
Now that I have the chance
This is what I say

Chorus:
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Mom you're amazing, just the way you are
You make me feel alive, cuz your beauty’s from way down deep inside
God made you amazing, just the way you are
The way you are, the way you are
Mom you're amazing, just the way you are

"Mothers Day is Different and So Am I!"

5/11/2013

In Loving Memory of my Daughter, Lisa Marguerite
Jacque Valdez, Ft. Collins, CO

I do not recall that Mothers Day was an especially favorite day for me, but I do know that since the death of my daughter, it definitely is a tough day for me now.

We adopted our daughter, Lisa, when she was four weeks old and a preemie. Little did we know that she was also a Fetal Alcohol child.

Life was full of challenges after we adopted Lisa, and I remember the day we met her biological mom and learned about her history with drugs.I know that God placed my Lisa in our family, as my husband and I learned to pray, to lean on God and each other. As Lisa grew, she was able to help others, as she graduated from a Hompathic school and was a massage therapist.

We learned of our daughter's death seven days before Christmas, 4-1/2 years ago, when she was 31 years old. Lisa had a dream to see Costa Rica and possibly live there someday. She was traveling up the coast of Costa Rica to San Juan and met three American citizens. They all stayed in a hotel in San Juan and they found Lisa dead in a jacuzzi on December 18th. We were devastated and there was little closure, as she died in a foreign country.

Mothers Day was special insofar as Lisa usually made her gifts for me. She would make pillows, candles, nities (could sew without a pattern), tinctures for sleeping and relaxing, gift cards for massages and facials - it was heavenly. I think the best gift she gave me was cooking with a creative bent, since she did not use recipes - she created her own. All I had to do was chop veggies and drink a glass of wine, while we cooked. Wonderful memories!

I know God is moving me on. As I do grief counseling, helping others who are making their way through their grief, it helps me, too. This Mothers Day, if the weather allows, my husband, Rich, and I will go on a picnic in the mountains. Mothers Day is not the same, but then I am not the same; I am a person who is learning lessons and continues to grow.

It is my hope, for all of us grieving moms, that with this Mothers Day we will be one year closer to feeling some closure, although we all know that we will never get over this loss. Blessings, Jacque, "a mom like you"

"A Plan for Good" on Mothers Day 2013

5/9/2013

In Loving Memory of My Son, Travis
Karen McNeill, Ft. Collins, CO

It’s been 18 years since my 15 day old son, Travis, died. During that trying time, I was given many words of encouragement and advice and one particular statement stuck with me “the pain will not get any easier, it will just come less frequently.” These words did not prove to be true for me.

A couple years after the loss of my son, I was given another gift - a 5 year old daughter to care for as my own. This child was not one that I carried or bore, but she was part of God’s perfect plan for my life.

The day after I married her father, this little one found herself motherless. God quickly revealed to me that I was the woman He had chosen to care for His child and now, my precious daughter is almost the age I was, when I began raising her.

My daughter has taught me so much about how God can make all things work together for good. (Romans 8:28) How He can take broken hearts and lives and put them back together for His glory.

I feel the passing of my son, Travis, was truly a reflection of God’s mercy somehow. I thank God and praise Him for never giving up on me, and for being with me every step of my journey that has not been easy.

On days like Mothers Day, I praise Him even more, because I know that His plan for me, and my children, is far greater than I could ever imagine (Jeremiah 29:11) and, I completely trust Him!

"With Thankfulness" at Mothers Day 2013

5/7/2013

In Memory of My Daughter, Rachel
Julie Christen, Ft. Collins, CO ("Mothers Like Me" Teen Loss Group Leader)

"The weather is warming and the birds are singing - - Spring is finally here after a long winter. It seems like every year I experience that same feeling of anxious expectation, as one of my favorite seasons approaches. And, as Spring brings new life, we celebrate Mothers for their role in giving life to their children.

I have always loved being honored by my husband and three kids for this role in their lives, but over the past 5 years, I have an additional feeling of sadness, because my 20 year old daughter, Rachel, was killed in a car accident on May 22, 2008, only days after Mother’s Day.

Rachel always made special occasions- well, special! She was very thoughtful and artistic, and she was a very good gift-giver; the gifts were things she knew I’d love - a cute little garlic keeper for my kitchen counter that I still use and enjoy, a pretty blouse I still wear, a pasta colander that I use regularly, and a bag of specialty pasta that I just haven’t been able to use.

These were the last material gifts I’d ever receive from Rachel for Mother’s Day. I know the gifts aren’t what matters, but as the day approaches, it’s a reminder that she won’t be here, yet another year to celebrate with me. My other two children are great at making me feel special and I’m so thankful for them, but its just not the same without Rachel for any of us!

I don’t know about other moms that have lost a child, but as the anniversary of Rachel’s death and Mother’s Day approaches, memories of things that were happening at that time of the year come back to me. The day Rachel died, my favorite tree in my front yard was in full bloom with beautiful, fragrant white flowers. Now, when that tree blooms, it’s a bitter-sweet reminder of that day. I know it’s healthy to be honest with my feelings and say it’s painful, as Spring approaches, but I also have to look at the reality of what is true, as well.

I truly am thankful for being the mother of the three beautiful children given to me by God! I am thankful that God entrusted ME to be their mother and for giving them to me to bring up to know and fear Him, which means I will spend forever with them someday. That makes me VERY happy and hopeful!

I miss Rachel more than any words on this page could ever convey, but I know that she is waiting for me in Heaven- rejoicing and honoring her God she loved with all her heart. He is the One that deserves her praises and gifts! I was fortunate enough to get some of that here on earth, what a gift that I will cherish forever! Mother’s Day will keep coming every year, and though it brings some sadness of never spending it with Rachel again on this earth, I am so grateful for the memories that make me smile. The role of motherhood is the most precious gift a woman can ever receive and I hope you will celebrate your special day with me with thankfulness!"

www.facebook.com/motherslikeme or www.motherslikeme@facebook.com

"Joy for Mourning" Preparing Our Hearts for Mothers Day 2013

5/6/2013

In Loving Memory of my Son, Travis, and Grandaughter, Hope
Carmen Leighton-Herman, Ft. Collins, CO

It was Mother's Day weekend 2005, when my son, Trav, came to me to tell me that he wasn't going to win his battle with cancer, and that he and his wife, Diane, were leaving for California to participate in a clinical trial - a last effort to save his life.

During our conversation, he told me how he wanted his younger brother, Justin, to marry his wife after he was gone, that his children should continue their education at Ressurection Christian School and that his family would continue to live in the home he built for them.

I wanted to literally die in that moment. Trav had never spoken about not winning the FIGHT before, but in just 4 short months, he did lose the battle and in response to his death, I was determined my grandchildren would have a happy life, so I put a smile on my face and went on.

In 2008, to my absolute horror, Trav and Diane’s daughter, Hope, followed her daddy to Heaven, as she lost her battle with cancer, too. Once again, I was personally devastated and for my beloved daughter-in-law and their remaining two children. Again, I dug down deep and reminded myself that Travis and Hope are with the LORD, and the image of Hope skipping off to Heaven to this day brings a smile on my face and happiness and peace into my wounded heart.

In 2006, Trav’s brother, Justin, married our daughter-in-law, Diane, as his brother hoped he would do. Travis apparently knew, before we did, that Diane and I were intended to reflect the story of Naomi and Ruth, and Justin is Diane’s “Boaz.”

On June 29, 2012, Justin, Diane and Isabelle relocated to Guatemala to invest their lives in ministry and to precious orphans, fulfilling Hope’s expressed desire to help the helpless and the hurting in this world. Our grandson, Slate, graudates from Resurrection High School this May, and he is living with us until that time (which is a real source of joy for me and for my husband!)

I am a very blessed and proud mother. If you would like to know more about Justin and Diane's ministry of HOPE in Guatemala, you are invited to visit their site at http://wwwgiftsofhopeproject.blogspot.com.

When I was invited to share something of my story with Mothers Day just around the corner, I wondered what I would write and these are the first thoughts that came to my heart about my son, Travis . . . he was my friend. I thank God for my other three sons and I love them deeply, but Travis showed his love for me in ways that made me feel like I was the BEST Mom in the world. I miss the way he loved on me, not just on Mother’s Day, but every single day of the year.

Because of my faith in God and the hope of Eternal Life (when we will all be together again), I continue to put my trust in God who continues to give me hope and strength to grieve as I must, but to also “fake it until I can make it.” I stand firmly on the promise that by His grace, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13) and that He gives "beauty for ashes, joy for mourning and praise for the spirit of heaviness . . . " (Isaiah 61:3)

With Love, "a mom like you."

"The School of Grief" Preparing our Hearts for Mothers Day 2013

5/5/2013

Precious Moms,

For the next week, we will post reflections, thoughts, memories and feelings shared by some very special "heroes of hope."

We share these "reflections of a mother's heart" with the hope that you will somehow be comforted and encouraged, and that you will experience a measure of God's love, comfort and peace.

May this be a special Mothers Day for you and your family, and may you sense the loving presence of God and your "eternal" child deep within your heart and soul, as you celebrate that your ". . . greatest blessings call you MOM!"

You are in our hearts and prayers ALWAYS,
Angie and our "Mothers Like Me" Staff

motherslikeme@ymail.com
www.motherslikeme.info

In Loving Memory of My Daughter, Taylor
Tricia Gerard-Guntle, Loveland, CO

Taylor,
You would be soooo proud of Dad. He went to his first "Dad's Like Me" grief group for grieving dads last week.

He dropped me off at my "Mothers Like Me" writing workshop, and I watched him walk towards the room where the other dads were meeting. I felt so many emotions. I felt so proud of him for being so brave, and I felt so sad for him too. It was like sending a child to a new school for the first time.

The biggest problem for us both is that we feel like we are going to a school for grief and it is a school that nobody wants to attend. You dread walking in, but when you leave, you have learned so much about yourself and others. There are lessons that you will never understand and you know you will never get an A+ ... except in hope and compassion.

We are learning how to cope and live without a part of you. The other moms and dads guide and help us to be the new person we have to be. We are making new friends that we will never forget - friends for life that we have an instant bond with when we first meet. This "school of grief" is a place where we hope we never see someone we know, because that means they have also lost a child.

We know that we will never graduate from this "school." We will just keep trying to learn how to deal with the grief that is connected to you and our love for you for the rest of our lives. I am just thankful there are schools like this and classrooms of wonderful "moms and dads like us," who are willing and available to help us.

Dad and I are learning more about grief and ourselves every time we attend these special groups of moms and dads. And, we are realizing that sometimes learning and accepting that it's not about being an "A" student in the school of grief, but instead that when we are open to expressing our love and grief for you, we learn the most.

WE LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH US, TAY. - Mom and Dad