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"Blank Pages"

8/25/2016

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 "Look into your heart and write!" - Unknown

Soon after the death of our son, Kevin, I sat down at my desk, opened a new journal and with pen in hand just stared at the blank pages. I wanted to write something of what I was experiencing, but I could not seem to find my voice and where to begin? I struggled to find the words and the blank pages intimated me, so I closed the journal and sobbed.

It took several attempts at writing in that journal, before I could find the words and get past the concern that someone might read that journal filled with pain and sorrow - what kind of legacy would that be -  what good could come from such a documentation of misery?

Little did I know that in writing, I would not only find my voice, but that it would be used as a pathway to healing and peace. That first journal began an account of my journey from the "edge of the tomb, to the edge of Eternity" and I have filled the pages of many more journals through the years.


Recently, one of my precious granddaughters (you know who you are) and I enjoyed a special lunch date. She shared all that was going on in her life (and it's all good!). She also shared that she has started writing her "story"  about the pain and suffering she experienced in the aftermath of a horrifying incident that robbed her of her youthful innocence. What a blessing (and answer to my prayers) it was to hear that she has found her voice again, and that she is ready to write something of her journey through the pain.

As I read what she wrote, I wept, but the tears were not just because it hurt me to learn more about what she experienced at such a young, vulnerable age, but also because I mourned the loss of her innocence and chiildhood that should not have been interrupted by the evil that entered her world and, as she says "changed my life."  I know that writing will help in her healing, and I want to be that encourager and mentor to support and help her continue to write - she may just have the gift!

One of our daughter-in-law's brother is engaged to a successful, well-known writer in Hollywood and she has recently written the screenplay for a new movie "Mr Church," which will be released on September 16th starring Eddie Murphy in a serious role that is uncommon to him. The storyline is partially based on some of the screenwriter's personal story of how she was encouraged and inspired to be a writer, and she most certainly possesses a passion and gift and talent for writing. I can't wait to see the movie!!!

This interest and passion for writing seems to be in our family's genes.  My great-grandmother was a poet, my Dad had a "way with words," our oldest grandaughter was encouraged to pursue a vocation in writing at age 7 by a teacher who believed she had the "gift,"  my niece is an excellent writer and her son is a talented, craeative writer, as well. I have a passion for and am compelled to write, and I am rejoicing that another of our grandchildren is now writing.  

When I was young, I wanted to be a writer - an author of a book, the writer of a play or screenplay, but there was no one to encourage or mentor me, as I was encouraged and trained to be a singer/actor. Though, I did enjoy acting out a story, portraying a character and singing, it has always been the stories that move and inspire me. Words and stories are very important to me. I am stimulated by a good conversation, enjoy doing a word study while reading a book or the Bible, and I can't get enough of a good storyline with interesting characters and plots.

I have often thought of joining a writer's group, but am hesitant in following through, because I feel inadequest and have had no formal training in writing. This Fall/Winter I will host a Tea/Book Group, which I am really looking forward to, and I know that I HAVE to write and have found A Mother Like Me Heart to Heart Blogs to be an outlet that unlocks the writer in me.

"I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things that I am afraid of."  -Joss Whedon 

For The Writer in YOU,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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Committed Love!

8/16/2016

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Our first born granddaughter, Nicole, recently returned from a 2 month study abroad program in Bangalore, India to fulfill final class requirements for a Bachelor's degree in Social Services she will earn this Fall.

To say that we are proud of "our girl," would be an understatement, not only for the beautiful person she is, but because she will be our family's first college graduate!!!

We are also very pleased with the vocation/career she has chosen in Social Services, as she is committed to helping people in need and at risk, which seems a goodt fit for her.



Nicole has always had a heart for and a commitment to those in need and who are different than her. She has no prejudices against anyone, and her authenticity, sense of humor, intelligence, inner strength and wisdom are all attributes that will serve her well in her vocation/career and more importantly throughout her lifetime.

I have learned a great deal from my grand-daughter - I have enjoyed watching her grow into the down-to-earth, no nonsense young woman I love and admire, and I have also thanked God that she is a woman of substance rather than image. She is loyal, trustworthy, honest and committed to accepting othersas they are, without judgment or condemnation, and she knows how to relate to people and her silly, playful spirit is delightful and contagious!

As I think of Nicole stepping out of her comfort zone to make the trip to Bangalore, India, I imagine Jesus, God in the flesh, entering our world for our good - to save and seal us eternally by His sacrificial love, and I can only imagine how God is going to continue to equip and guide Nicole, as she is willing to make a commitment to helping and serving others. I believe that she has been touched by the love of God, and I also know that if she is going to sustain a vocation in Social Services, she will need the "divine love" of God rooted down deep in her heart - and such a good heart it is!!!

I have prayed since the day I found out that I was pregnant with our first child that our children and grandchildren would be "instruments of God's love in this world," and I rejoice in the knowledge that my prayers are being answered within our family - a family "commited to love."  We are not perfect, we make mistakes, we fumble and fail, but one thing is without question, we are commited to loving one another and others - each in our own, unique way, but nevertheless it is a family commitment.

Our example of true love is God's commitment of  love for us, and we hold fast to this reality in all circumstances. "Divine love is a demonstration of God's commitment to our greatest good. It's like the ocean's tide. You can stand on the shore and say, "I don't believe in waves," but that doesn't stop them from coming.  Likewise, nothing you do or feel will stop the Father's love from washing over you." -Charles Stanley

Committed to Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info
​




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The Gift of Remembering

8/11/2016

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Anyone who has siffered the loss of someone they love knows that mentioning their name may bring up a measure of pain and sorrow, but, never mentioning his/her name or remembering would be even more painful.

After many conversations, my husband, Bob, and I decided that rather than having a large celebration party for our 50th Anniversary that we would remodel our master bathroom (gift to ourselves) and spend a weekend with our sons and their wives first in Denver and then in Colorado Springs - just the six of us.

The weekend was very special and though the weather wasn't perfect, the time spent together brought a lot of sunshine and warmth into our anniversary celebration - just what had we hoped!



One evening, our sons took us to dinner at a "classy" restaurant in Colorado Springs, and I experienced a serendipitous moment, or as I prefer to say, "a Kingdom moment." Without knowing that a piano playing singer would be performing, I said "You know, there's one thing I've always wanted to do - to sing with a piano player in a classy restaurant!" And, then the piano playing began - I love moments like that!  

Though I didn't get up and start singing, our son, Eric, asked the performer to sing and play one Bob's and my love songs -"Unforgettable." As we stood at the piano with our "kids" at our side, to say I was emotional would be an understatement - 50 years of memories and that song is also one that was included in the DVD that our niece created for our son, Kevin's, memorial service.

As is expected now, this kind of "remembering" brings up the memories and emotions of what's behind the song, and the memories warmed my heart, got stuck in my throat and then rolled down my cheeks. At the close of the song, I had to head to the restroom, I was once again reminded of how much I miss our "handsome, gentle and silly" son, Kevin, but also the fact that we are blessed and life is good again, even though we live with the loss of our son year after year.

For anyone reading this who has suffered the loss of someone important to them, I encourage you to say the name and speak often of the person you are missing. To grieve the loss of someone we love is normal and healing, but what isn't normal or healing is to think that by avoiding remembering those we love and miss it will somehow make things easier. Death separates us from those we love, remembering them helps us to reconnect with the life and love we once shared, and the hope we have of being together again in that place where there is "no more sorrow, no more tears" and definitely no more "goodbyes for now."

During our weekend with our sons and their wives, there was quite a bit of "remembering" and it was good, very, very good!  
By God's grace, comfort and blessings, we are learning how to live with loss and we know that there is nothing to fear in  remembering, because intermingled with the pain of loss is the blessing of remembering.  I don't need to be reminded of the loss of the ones I love and am missing, but I absolutely will REMEMBER them, because they are "unforgettable!"

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

 





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    These blog pages are written by and for moms who have suffered the loss of a child.

    May the reflections and expressions of mothers' hearts be a source of comfort, help and encouragement and may you, like these moms, accept God's great exchange as "He gives beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for the spirit of heaviness . . " Isaiah 61:3

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