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Any Good Since Our Loss?

10/29/2016

My husband and I had a rare opportunity to spend quality time with our two sons, Eric and David, as Eric made a surprise visit from California this weekend. It was such a blessing to be able to catch up on what's going on in our lives with one another face-to-face and side-by-side,

Naturally, at one point in our conversations, David said "Can we believe it's been 14 years since Kevin died?" A discussion followed over a game of pool in looking back over the past 14 years and Eric said that he didn't see "good that has come out of Kevin's death."

Because of my eternal optimism, I began to recount all the blessings and good that we have experienced like their dad's and my marriage growing stronger, the blessing of my co-founding Mothers Like Me Comfort Ministry that gave me the opportunity to connect and encourage hundreds of grieving moms over a decade, and how our Faith has been strengthened and our relationship with the LORD has deepened, especially speaking for myself, as I have been intentional about drawing closer to God in my grief.

Our sons couldn't come up with good that they thought was a direct result of Kevin's death. So, we then talked about the reality that finding good has a lot to do with how each of us has responded to our loss.

When I woke up the next morning, I thought that perhaps there was a better question to be answered . . .
"What good has come SINCE Kevin's death?" If this had been the question posed, I know that there would have been a long list of blessings and good for all of us.

As is the case no matter our circumstances here on Earth, I believe it takes some serious reflection and consideration to find good that comes out of or since such a significant loss.

For me, I have found that there is always good that comes out of and since any circumstance, because God's promises never fail, even if we can't see the good, because we are blinded by grief, doubt, sorrow and pain. And, though I have suffered and know that more suffering may be ahead, because loss and suffering are simply a part of this life, I also know that if I pause to consider the grace and mercy generously extended to me throughout my life (and my family's lives), I know why I put my trust in "Christ Alone!" "For all things work together for good for those who love the LORD and are called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28

How about you? Can you find good that has come "out of or since" your loss?

With Gratitude for the Good,
Angie "a mom like me"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info

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Weeping Way

10/26/2016

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I have walked past this street sign many times on walks through our neighborhood, but today it caught my eye and attention.

Often, during my journey through grief, since the loss of our youngest son, Kevin, I have spent time on "Weeping Way." I actually called the times when my grief was overwhelming my "weeping place."

This street sign says a lot to me personally. There is a street in my neighborhood named Weeping Way. This street goes both north and south, but if you notice, as I did, the arrow coming out of the cauldesac to the north points south and there is a sign posted that if you go north there is no way "out" becaue it is a dead end.

To me this was a warning to myself that I also experienced in the early years of my grieving the loss of our son that though I must give myself permission to grieve, if I stay too long in my "weeping place," that would be a dead end for me.

My grieving had to be part of my life, but it was important then and now for me to not stay on Weeping Way any longer than necessary to mourn the loss of my child. I knew deep inside my heart and soul that I must continue to move along, to keep walking and living.

As I companied with hundreds of moms "like me" as the Co-Founding Director of Mothers Like Me Grief Ministry for grieving moms for more than 10 years, all too often I would meet a mom who was having difficulty giving herself permission to grieve or was overwhelmed and overcome by unresolved grief, staying too long on "Weeping Way."

Perhaps, these unhealthy choices were made, because they did not want to dishonor or forget their child. Perhaps, it was because other unresolved grief piggy-backed on top of the grief connected to their child, or perhaps it was simply because the grief connected to the loss of their child caused crippling and paralyzing pain and sorrow. Some, were obviously unwilling to move along, away from Weeping Way, and many of them found themselves at a dead end.

As we are all individuals with unique personalities, stories and coping skills, so it is true that our grieving will be unique to us, as well. It is my heartfelt, hopeful prayer that we, however, will not stay too long on Weeping Way, but also not be afraid to walk down or pass that street from time to time, as we continue to miss our child, while seeking God's healing peace.

Walkng with Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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A Three-Stranded Cord

10/25/2016

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When I think of a "three-stranded cord" it brings hair braids, a rope and braided bread to my mind and I imagine myself braiding and unbraiding these items knowing that it is much easier to create a braid than pulling the braided strands apart.

When I think of a "three-stranded cord," I also think of the Holy Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit), a marriage of two people or a friendship or kinship bound together by God.

Today, I am reflecting on the relationship between our three sons, Eric, David and Kevin. These three were truly "braided" together and as best described by our youngest son, Kevin, it was because "Eric is the serious one, David is the sensitive one and I am the silly one, and when you put us together, we make a whole person." A perfect picture of three in one for me their mom.

As we prepare our hearts and home for the Thanksgiving and Christmas Season, we are also preparing ourselves for Kevin's upcoming earthly birthday on December 8th, which will mark the 14th birthday that we will not be able to celebrate with him, since his passing in January 2002. Each passing year seems to bring yet another aspect of why we miss our son, and what we have lost, beause he is no longer here with us. This year, I find myself very mindful of our three sons and the two that were left behind without their "little brother."

Not too long ago, I was playing around with one of our granddaughter's beautiful, silky blonde hair, and as I began to weave a French braid, I found myself thinking about how our three sons were inter-twined into a strong braid and I wept at the thought of Eric and David losing that third cord. Kevin was the free-spirited, silly, fun-loving cord and the tearing away and breaking of their ":three-stranded cord" has been extremely painful and disappointing, as they had so many plans to do life together day-by-day, week-by- week, month-by-month and year-by-year into their old age - that was their vision, that they would be together until they were old men.

When this "third cord" was torn away, it rocked Eric and David's world to the core. Together, they were strong and seemed invincible - - there wasn't anything that they couldn't get through together, the bond (cord) was tight and strong, woven together by unconditional love. Eric and David have suffered greatly in the aftermath of the loss of their younger brother. The bond that they share is still strong and they are tight, but as they would tell you themselves, losing their little brother was one of the most difficult losses they have ever experienced; the weaving of the three-stranded cord was much easier than the breaking it apart.

Though they are all not together here on this Earth, their bond is eternal and because of their faith in the promise of Eternal hope and life in Jesus Christ, they are looking forward to the time, when the three of them are together again.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

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"Living with the Gaping Hole in My Heart"

10/12/2016

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“Someday you will be faced with the reality of loss. And, as life goes on, days rolling into nights, it will become clear that you never really stop missing someone special who’s gone, you just learn to live around the gaping hole of their absence. When you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open, and the bad news is you never completely get over the loss. You will never forget them. However, in a backwards way, this is also the good news. They will live on in the warmth of your broken heart that doesn’t fully heal, and you will continue to grow and experience life, even with your wound. It’s like badly breaking an ankle that never heals perfectly, and that still hurts when you dance, but you dance anyway with a slight limp, and this limp just adds to the depth of your performance and the authenticity of your character. The people you lose remain a part of you. Remember them and always cherish the good moments spent with them.” - Christopher Walken

I have been "dancing with a limp," since the loss of my youngest son, Kevin, in 2002, but dance I have and the limp definitely "adds to the depth of my life's performance."

As my family and I approach the 15th year, since the loss of our son, Kevin, I am taking stock of where I am in my journey since the time, when time stood still for me. Much has happened over the past 15 years, all without our youngest son- - -
my husband and I were nearly divorced, we retired, we relocated (with our son, David, and his family and my mom) to No. Colorado, we've attended and been a part of several weddings, witnessed divorces, celebrated anniversaries, births of grandchildren and a great-grandchild, faced physical health challenges, experienced family and friends' deaths, dealt with heartache, had fun, laughed a lot, had some disappointments and we've grown and matured and gotten 15 years older, too. There has been a lot of life lived over the past 15 years, but there's not a day that goes by or a memory made that we don't notice the one who is missing.

I cannot say that I will ever get used to living without our son, Kevin. Our life is very different from what it was before his death - and without hesitation I can say that God has used his death and 'homegoing" for our good and His Word is true when He tells us that "all things work together for good for those love Him and are called according to His purpose."
-Romans 8:28

This year, as we approach Kevin's earthly birthday on December 8th, I am hoping that the dreaded sense of the loss of our son will not over-shadow the enhanced sense of peace that we are all experiencing, as we continue to allow Kevin to be where he is, as we live on without him. I pray that each and everyday of my life that I will honor my Heavenly Father and my son by holding onto the faith that has strengthened and sustained me through the years, and I am intentional about proclaiming the goodness of God and the truth that we are all sojourners just passing through to our eternal home with the assurance that our "solid home is in Christ." -Lana Gray

And, how are you doing, as you continue to live with the loss of someone you love? What is your hope built upon? Where is your "solid home?" Are you experuencing peace? I would so like to hear from other 'moms like me' so that I can share something of your journey through grief and all that you are learning about yourself, about loss and how best to respond to your loss. I would like to put together a special blog post for the A Mother Like Me website with several of your thoughts and reflections, so please consider emailing them to me at amotherkikeme@gmail.com before the end of this month.

With Faith, Hope and Love Always,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
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"Doing Life Prayerfully" - By Lisa Adsit

10/11/2016

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"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6-7

I wanted to share a little bit about the importance of Prayer in my life.  Prayer is something that we can do anytime, anywhere throughout the day and night. However, for some reason, I seem to forget this at times and need to remind myself to pray. There are days when, without realizing it, I try to do life without it. It is during those times that I have to stop and remind myself that I need to take a moment and talk to God.

In doing so, I can begin to feel a calm and a peace that surpasses all understanding. When I make a conscious effort to start my day praying, I seem to be more focused and things go much smoother throughout the day. It helps me to gain perspective and to remember to take things slowly, a day at a time, a moment at a time. It is very comforting to know that God is near and He is with me, and He will never leave me.
"Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

As I travel along the path of my new normal,since the loss of my beautiful daughter, Kayla, I sometimes feel lonely and alone, anxious and very heavyhearted. Losing our beautiful daughter has changed me and changed my life in so many ways. But, I always need to remember that God has not changed - I can still pray to Him for the strength and encouragement that I need to get through every moment and every day.

Sometimes it can be very hard to know what to pray or even how to do so. When in doubt about how to pray, The Lord's Prayer is a beautiful prayer to recite. Prayers of thankfulness and gratitude are very comforting, too - all of us have so much to be grateful and thankful for, but the horrible cloud of grief doesn't always allow us to see that truth.

While we can't change what happened to our beautiful and precious children and grandchildren, we can always pray.  I think of the acronym, ASAP - "Always Say A Prayer". Life has been changed for each one of us and our new normal is not an easy one. Our hearts have a huge hole in them and we hurt and ache for our child/grandchild to be with us again. Some days can be painfully more difficult than others. But, if we can, we need to try to remember to ask God for His help, remember that He is with us and He will make the journey more tolerable and provide us with a peace and a hope that all will be well.  "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."Romans 12:12

We can experience quiet conversations with God, and as a result may hear Him speak to us. By doing so, we can experience God's presence, support and His peace in all situations and circumstances.
"Never stop praying." 1 Thessalonians 5:17

It is my prayer for each one of you that is taking the time to read this, that if you are not already doing so, you will stop and talk to God and ask Him for his help and direction. "And the peace of God , which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

May God bless each one of you with His comfort, peace, strength and encouragement, as you travel along the grief journey.

Blessings and peace to you always,
Lisa Adsit
"A Mom Like You"
Fort Collins, CO

"What wings are to a bird, and sails to a ship, so is prayer to the soul." -Corrie Ten Boom

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Any Good Since Our Loss?

Weeping Way

A Three-Stranded Cord

"Living with the Gaping Hole in My Heart"

"Doing Life Prayerfully" - By Lisa Adsit

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