This quote has served me well over the years, as I have made my way through grief, loss and breast cancer.

I believe it does take "courage" and wisdom to "be in the moment right here and now," but, this is the only moment that we have and there is never enough time to say and do all the things that we want to say or do.

Over the years, especially since the loss of our son, Kevin, I have replaced regrets of missed opportunities with a heart-change in how I live each and every day of my life. I am intentional about being fully present in every moment, wasting little time on what I now refer to as the "non-essentials" of life.

I have simplified my life and I am much more focused on making time for appreciating and enjoying the simple, everyday pleasures that I know may very well become keepsake memories one day.



How about you?  Do you have the wisdom and courage to "live in the moment - no matter what it brings?"

In companioning with hundreds of grieving "moms like me" over a decade as Co-Founding Director of "Mothers Like Me" Comfort Ministry, I have met some incredibly courageous women who after suffering the painful loss of their child/children decided to step up and "enjoy everyday," bearing their burden of loss with hope rather than getting stuck in their sorrow. More often than not, these women who are, in my opinion, true heroes live with purpose and the enhanced sense that life is meant to be lived fully and though we all suffer and face hardships in this life, we are meant to "enjoy everyday no matter what it brings."  

For some, it may take years to get to this place in their journey of grief, but it is my hope and prayer that at some point, sooner than later, we will all get there, because it is a peaceful place of healing and wholeness that our Father God (and our children) wants us to reach. May our grief and loss not define us, but rather refine us into people of courage, faith and hope.

Living in the Moment,
Angie "a mom like you"
www.amotherlikeme.info
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

 

Living in the Moment,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
Let's be friends on Facebook (Angie Green)

Living with personal loss of any kind is painful and challenging. We are affected by loss in ways that we may not realize. Over time, it becomes obvious to anyone who is paying attention that we never completely 
"get over" the grief that is connected to loss and there is no "time limit 
for grief."

No matter the years that pass since the loss of our yougest son, Kevin, there are still times when I am overwhelmed by grief, which serves to remind me that there is no time limit on grief. Even though I know this is true, I am always surprised, when the intensity of grief hits me with as much ferocity, as when I originally suffered the loss of my son.

​

I am trying to determine what to do with one of my son, Kevin's, shirts that he wore when he began his career with Andersen's Black Angus restaurants. The shirt is in perfect condition and I can see him wearing it, as though it was yesterday. At the time of Kevin's death, he was one of the youngest managers for Black Angus restaurants in the United States, and so this shirt is a part of his story and something of his that I can see and touch. 

When I took the shirt out of Kevin's "keepsake" drawer, I unfolded it and held it up to look at it and grief gripped me like someone socked me in the stomach and grabbed my heart and was squeezing it.  I hunched over in pain and I wept out loud. Holding tight to the shirt, it was as if I was holding onto my son and it hurt so much. Though painfiul, I do not regret experiencing that pain and sorrow for in that moment I was reminded of the reality of my son, and as always he was worth the pain and the tears.

It is sad, though understandable, that people who have not suffered loss of someone they love more than life itself would think there should be some kind of time limit for grieving. I have come to believe that people who insolate themselves from periodic moments of grief do so because they are not yet comfortable with the reality that there is truly no time limit on love and therefore on grieving the loss of one we have loved and that to experience such an intense loss is to definitely heartbreaking.

I am ever mindful and thankful that the broken pieces of my heart are held together by the One who holds all things in His loving and ever-faithful hands. I also have come to accept the reality that is not only OK, but absolutely necessary that I grieve as often as I have to, because I will never stop missing my son. And, as there is not ending to my loving him, therefore, there is no ending to my missing and mourning the loss of him. I  am healing, growing and living life to the fullest, but, I give myself permission to take all the time I need, which will be until that day, when we meet again, standing together in Christ forever and ever and ever in that place where there is no more sorrow and no more tears.

With Faith, Hope and Love, 
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail,com

A very dear friend of mine gave me a precious stone last year with the words 
“Remember I am with you always” (Matthew 28:20) inscribed on it.

Just five words, but the comfort and solace that I receive from those words is huge. 

 It has been 7 years since the tragic passing of my beautiful daughter, Kayla.  While I travel the painful journey of living my life without Kayla, it has become so clear that I cannot make it through this journey alone.  




Some of my waking minutes, hours and days are so extremely difficult, lonely and painful. I know that I cannot possibly manage them by myself.  I have found great comfort in knowing that I can pray to God constantly throughout the day to help me. He provides me with the strength, hope and encouragement that I need.     

When the dark, painful moments come upon me, I try very hard to remember that God is with me and He will help me through. When the ache and longing overcomes me, and I feel the overwhelming sadness and loneliness trying to take over, I cling to the hope that I have of seeing Kayla again. When the longing to hear her voice, touch her, hold her, and laugh with her feels so heavy and hard, I talk to God and ask for His shoulder to lean on.

Many verses from the Bible also provide comfort, strength and encouragement that I need, when life feels so hard and unpredictable:

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”  (Hebrews 6:19)

“Three things will last forever – faith, hope and love.”  (1 Corinthians 13:13)

“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  (2 Corinthians 12:9)

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

“Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
                                                                                                                                                              (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

I find great comfort and peace in knowing that God is with me and that He will supply the strength and encouragement that I need to make it through each day.  I also know that it is up to me to remember to call on Him, to pray to Him, to ask Him for His help and guidance. I also know that I need to focus on talking to God and asking Him to give me direction and strength to make it through, helping me to understand the plan that He has for me.

While I will never understand how or why this horrible tragedy has happened, I know that I need to focus on trying to make something positive come from something so horrific. This “new normal” is not the life I would have chosen, and in the pain and loneliness I experience, I know that I need to remember to focus on God’s love, comfort and strength, keeping my focus above, as I move forward each day.

It is my hope and prayer that every "mom like me"  can sense God’s presence and know that He can provide comfort, hope, strength, encouragement and peace during the extremely difficult, painful moments of grief.  He is with us, as we travel this very painful journey without our beautiful children beside us.

I have come to rely on God's Word for comfort, hope and guidance for my journey of the heart and these two verses are especially helpful to me . . .

“And, we know that all things work together for good to them who . . . are called according to His purpose.”  
                                                                                                                                                                        (Romans 8:28)

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)


God’s blessings to you all,
Lisa Adsit, “a mom like you”
Ft. Collins, Colorado
 



 


 

"You are suffering from prolonged grief response," said an uninformed and misguided physician to a grieving "mom like me."  

I was chatting online with a mom the other day who is nearing the 2nd anniversary of her daughter's death this September.  She shared how confused and hurt she was by her doctor telling her (and writing on her physical exam report) that she suffers from "prolonged grief response."  



I was very surprised that a healthcare professional would be so un-informed in the area of grief and I must admit that I was angry at that doctor for making such a wrong assumption, which wounded and troubled this already hurting mom.

I shared my concern and anger with my husband, Bob, and his response was, "Well, obviously that doctor has not lost a child . . . 2 years is just a "drop in the bucket!"  

The first year, after the loss of our son, Kevin, we were in shock and on an emotional journey that is definitely like that of walking through the "valley of the shadow of death."  For us, the second year was also difficult, because the shock of loss was replaced by the reality of loss. 

Certainly, no one, except someone who has suffered the loss of a child, can truly understand or relate to the intensity of the grief that follows such a heart-wrenching, life-changing loss. Too often, well-meaning people want to hurry those who grieve along through our journey of grief, because they are unfamiliar and uncomfortable with the depths of our sorrow and pain.

There are those who grieve, however, who may suffer from  "prolonged grief response," if they find that as the years pass they continue to re-play the events connected to their loss over and over in their mind, and they don't seem to be moving through the "valley," but have actually taken up residency there. However, 2 years into the "journey" is definitely a "drop in the bucket."

How many drops of tears does it take to fill a bucket?  "As many as it takes," that's what Bob and I say. We have surely cried our share of tears that would probably fill several buckets by now. No matter how many years pass, before we see our son again, we are thankful that we have given ourselves permission to grieve when we need to grieve, while also accepting God's promise that He is collecting all our tears, because they matter to Him, too.

Passing through the valley of weeping,"
Angie & Bob "a mom and dad like you)
amotherlike me@gmail.com

“Passing through the valley of weeping, you will find pools of blessing.” -Psalm 84:6  

"The longest life is short . . . and the shortest life is miraculous." 
                                                                                         -J. Gallagher

The journey of grief can be long, challenging and difficult.  

The following is some helpful information that I would like to pass on to you today and that you, in turn, may want to pass on to others who are experiencing and handling the heartbreak of a child's death.




*Find Help and Support:  No body can quite understand or relate to your grief in the same way as somebody who's been through what you're going through.

*Wait for healing: Be patient with yourself and others, restoration and healing is promised (Isaiah 61:3), but it takes time and attention to your grief.  Time+Comfort+Hope+Love = Healing
 
*Don't forget about your other children: Grieving children are unfortunately often misunderstood and ignored in the aftermath of death. They need answers, but sometimes they don't know how to ask the questions. Tell them the truth, explain your sorrow and sadness in an age-appropriate way. Children's minds protect them from what is too powerful for them to handle. Help your children work through their grief in healthy ways.

*Let Relatives and Friends Help:  Death is a far-reaching tragedy that impacts the periphery of the family. Relatives and friends stand by on the sidelines feeling helpless, fearing that their presence may be an intrusion . . . invite and welcome them into your journe of grief, they can offer their deep concern and love.

*Draw close to God: 
-Picture God on your side
-Trust in Gods nearness and goodness
-Talk to God about your pain - ask Him for answers to your questions
-Look for God in unexpected places
-Make time for solitude and listen for God speaking to you "God whispers and the world is loud."

Recommended Resources that you can order for yourself or another who is grieving the loss of a child:
1) A variety of "Care Notes" by Abbey Press at www.carenotes.com
2) A pamphlet "Turning to God to Get Through Grief" by Linus Mundy by Abbey Press at www.onecaringplace.com
3) A book of "Prayers for the Broken-Hearted" by Debbie Kay available at www.amazon.com

Blessings and Hugs to you today!

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com
www.amotherlikeme.info