"Unsettled Am I" by Sharon Younie

The holiday season begs for outward signs of joy and jubilation. 

Those who surround me await my usual frenzied expressions of holiday cheer, but they find none here. 

I am a mother temporarily lost in her own sullen soul.  I want to be in the background watching, absorbing the gaiety of Christmas. You see, I can't muster up my own outward expressions of holiday tidings, but I still want to experience this glorious season of celebration and rejoicing, but from a distance.

I am now ever so different.  I am unsettled and fighting to find my new norm and the me that will stand the age of my time. 

I am aware that I am different than I was before the loss of my daughter, Alexa. Others are also aware I am different.  
I have no choice but to accept the constant metamorphosis. 

Those around me do have a choice. Some choose to avoid me, others choose to embrace me. I am ever so grateful to each one of them for following their hearts and doing what they need to do.  And, I am grateful for my own realization that I am okay where I am at every moment of every day. "Unsettled" I shall be in the constant waves of discovery and healing.

I love these two pictures of my beautiful daughter. As I am in my 2nd year of grieving the loss of her, in my heart and memories I see her as a girl and as a young woman, and I just want to lovingly squeeze her. She'll always be my girl and I miss her so much.

God's blessings and glory to you,
Sharon Younie "a mom like you"
Loveland, Colorado