Blog Archives

The Way Through the Wilderness of Grief

10/28/2021

As I began to grieve the loss of our son, Kevin, in 2002, it was brought to my attention that grief is like a wilderness. This proved true for me, as there were many times I felt like I was in un-chartered waters, a fog, a desert and definitely a wilderness.

I'm not much for swimming in un-chartered waters. I prefer sticking my toes - my pretty n pink polished toes- into trickling streams or at the edge of the ocean. I don't care if the ocean is calm or waves are crashing against the shore, but I am hesitant to swim in the ocean, even though I did so in my youth. Now, I prefer swimming in a refreshing, clear salt water pool!

I don't like walking or driving in the fog. I've done both, when I lived a mile from the beach in So. California, but I didn't like it then and I wouldn't like it now. I like to see where I am going. I don't like being in the shadows or the dark with no light or line of sight ahead.

The desert isn't very welcoming to me. Though, it has it's own beauty (and I've been reminded of this by many friends who live in the desert) there's too much dirt, too many creeping, slithering and crawling things for my taste, and it's HOT! I'm a cool weather gal and actually like cold weather.

I have no desire to venture off, much less hike or backpack into the wilderness. Thick forests are kind of scary, if I can't see ahead. I know myself very well, and I know that I am not an explorer or a risk taker. And, I'm certainly not equipped for survival in any of these environments.

When I first entered the wilderness of grief, I felt abandoned, confused and lost. How was I going to survive, if I was left alone in the wilderness? Who was going to help me make my way through that wilderness? I knew I needed a navigator. I looked for navigators in grief support group(s) and bereavement books and resources.

Though these were helpful to me, I came to realize very soon into my journey that I needed God to be my navigator, because only He had all that I needed to take me through the wilderness safely. He knew the way and if I stayed with Him, I'd not only survive, but learn many important lessons in in un-chartered waters, the fog, the desert and the wilderness. Mostly, I learned that He is faithful and a very proficient navigator.

Does this feel true for you, precious mom? Do you feel abandoned, lost somehow? If you have come through the wilderness, do you remember at time in your grieving, when you felt this way?

Isaiah 43:18 spoke loud and clear to me in those early times of my grief. These words from God called me to walk with Him through the wilderness each and every step of the way. Do not keep looking back, as though I forgot something or felt like something or someone was lurking in the shadows, stalking me, but to "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, i am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

This scripture became one of the guiding lights unto my path and lamp unto my feet (Psalm 119:105). This truth from God's Word kept, and keeps me moving ahead with Him; not looking back, not going ahead or lagging behind the great navigator of my life.

How about you? Where are you in your walk through the wilderness? Are you suffering from the vast and scorching desert of grief? Do you feel like you are drowning in your grief or feel like you are swimming with sharks?

Are you aware that God is "doing a new thing," in you? Or, are you stuck somehow? I hope that you will reach for the light in Christ that you might experience how God is "making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland," for you!

With Faith, Hope ad Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

0 Comments

Spiritual Gifts for You and Me!

10/27/2021

0 Comments

There's a lot of talk and rumors about the supply chain in our Country and how there will be limited supplies and delivery problems for gifts that we want to give this Christmas. Some people are saying that they aren't going to try to buy gifts, but will just give money or make gifts to avoid the frustration.

Every year, I spend months preparing for gift-giving at Christmas. I usually create a Christmas Excel spreadsheet that lists the names of all who we will give a gift. I also include a budget for each person that hopefully coincides with our overall Christmas budget.

It's November, and I have not completed the spreadsheet and have not bought many gifts, but I have been thinking and learning a lot about spiritual gifts lately.

Much of what I am writing about in this post is the result of a conversation I had with my beloved niece, Andrea Carter-Blaho. Andrea has been speaking truth and encouragement into my life, since she was a very young girl. Our conversations have always been intimate, honest accounts of where we are, what God is doing in our lives, and where we sense He might be leading us day-by-day in our spiritual journey. Our conversations lasted almost 2 hours, which is normal for us.

It is my belief from what God's Word tells me, that spiritual gifts are from God, and since they are from God, there should be no ego involved. If it is a gift that puts us behind the scenes or out front, then that is by God's design. You and I are not responsible for designing or manipulating them for our own purpose.

I also believe it is our responsibility to know what spiritual gifts have been given to us, to cultivate and use them, while trusting where they came from and where they might take us. This may mean we are put in an upfront, supportive or behind the scenes role. It's all God's call.

As long as our hearts remain focused on serving God and helping others, once we know what our gifts are, we can settle on the truth that wherever we are using our gifts, that is what God has meant for us; in His time for whatever season He deems appropriate.

You and I had absolutely no part in the design of our spiritual gifts, and they will not be given to us until we are spiritually "born again" into God's family, His Kingdom, a part of His loving and redemptive plan. (John 3:3)

Once we are "born again" spiritually (not in the physical sense), it is important for us to know what gifts God has given us, and we must trust the gift-giver; He knows what He is doing. It's really very simple, but we often make it so difficult. All we have to do is open our heart and soul to God, accept Jesus as "the way, the truth and the life,"receive His gift of redemption and eternal life, and wait for the gift-giver to give us the spiritual gifts with our name(s) on them. Once we are saved, sealed and align ourselves with God, we must be careful not to set aside, hide or forget about our spiritual gifts, as we often do with earthly gifts we have been given.

Have you received the gift of salvation, redemption and eternal life through the death of Jesus who was born for that purpose? If so, then you have spiritual gifts. Do you know what your spiritual gifts are - there's a list of spiritual gifts in I Corinthians 12:8-19 with comparable gifts discussed in Ephesians 4:7-13, Isaiah 11:2-3 and Romans 12:3-8.

Have you completed a spiritual gifts assessment to discover what are your spiritual gifts? You can find these assessments online or perhaps your home church has one you could use. I like to complete a spiritual gifts assessment about every 7-10 years, and it is always interesting to see how the prominence of each of my gifts may change a bit, depending on how I am growing and maturing in Christ.

How I hope with all of my heart that you are spiritually "born again." If you aren't, it's simple. Just ask Jesus to come into your heart and soul, to save and seal you, and to send the Holy Spirit to be your comfort and guide. Ask Jesus to forgive you. Tell Him you want to receive the gift of salvation and eternal life, and to fill you with His Holy Spirit that you may follow and walk with Him from now on.

This could be the day you are spiritually born again. "Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland," -Isaiah 43:18

If you are already a "new creature in Christ," saved, sealed and aligning yourself with God's expectations, will and purpose for your life, I hope you will look into taking a spiritual gifts assessment to become aware of how God has gifted you, and that you will use those gifts! Believe me, when I say you can trust the way-maker and the gift-giver.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

0 Comments

Warrior Woman!

10/19/2021

0 Comments

I am currently going through a 7-week Bible study by Priscilla Shirer about putting on the "Armor of God. " My spiritual eyes are wide open to realizing how easy it can be for Satan, the enemy of God and all those who love and honor Him, to use the loss of a child to deceive, derail and dismantle our belief, faith, hope and trust in God.

This study is reminding me that though I may forget from time to time that the devil is real, at work among us, and I can be influenced by the "forces of evil." (Ephesians 6:12)

It has been sad for me while companioning and encouraging grieving moms through the years to watch many get stuck in a place of anger at God. These hurting moms not only question the timing and cause of death of their child, but actually blame God and turn away from Him in their darkest moments, just when the need Him most.

I did not turn away from God, I turned toward Him and drew closer to Him in my sorrow, me, and I know now it is because I had been exercising my spiritual core for many years before our son, Kevin, died.

Nevertheless, the enemy did attack me, my husband, and our family many times after our son's death. We were all heartbroken, traumatized, in shock and consumed by our grief; we were not prepared and were ill-equipped to fight against the attacks being waged against us by our enemy. I call him "our" enemy, because he hates God and he hates us because we love God. Satan was able to use death to distract us, drag us down and to try to pull us away from the God we love.

I highly recommend Priscilla Shirer's study to anyone who may not be aware, has forgotten or simply denies that the devil is real and is prowling around looking for who is weak and heavy-laden with sorrow and grief. He knows our weaknesses and whether we want to admit it or not, God's Word tells us that he is very mindful of us, because we are not on his side of things. He uses strategies and tactics to distract, discourage and convince us that God isn't good, and I believe that we have to know our enemy, if we are to withstand the attacks against us.

Priscilla focuses our attention not only on the reality of the devil, but how we can put on the "full armor of God" so we can stand firm and experience victory in Christ over the forces of evil that come against us. This study is equipping me to be a stronger, more courageous woman, and I fervently pray that it makes it way into the hands of many precious "moms like me."

The enemy knows me, knows my weaknesses and that I become complacent and lazy, misconstruing these for a false sense of peace. When I get too comfortable, that's when the enemy pays special attention to me and goes after me - not face to face, but covertly, using his lies, deceit and trickery in trying to get me to doubt God and spend little time in His Word, in prayer and fellowship with Him and His people. it is when I am tired and weary of the battle, loss and grief, that I am vulnerable and encouraged to think that God isn't enough.

After only one week in this Study I am stronger. I am putting on the full armor of God, one piece at a time. I am "girding" (encircling my spiritual core) with truth and I'm already standing up taller, gaining spiritual energy, more in balance and experiencing a greater sense of stability and strength. Back in line with the other soldiers of God, I will be able to better resist spiritual attacks and push against the enemy's strategies and schemes against me.

One way I know when my "spiritual core" muscles are weak is when I am too sensitive, easily hurt or offended. It was such a great reminder when Priscilla Shirer shares that feelings, "have no intelligence." When I rely on my feelings, that's when I begin to be tired, weary, out of balance, unstable and an easy target for the enemy.

This is the week that all that changes. With God's help I will put on the full armor of the "Divine Warrior."

How about you? Are you fully armed to resist and withstand the deceptions, lies and attacks from the enemy who will most certainly try to use your heartache and sorrow against you? How's your "spiritual core?" Are you girded with truth or do you rely on your feelings to guide you through life? I know firsthand that this great loss we are living with can be the catalyst for abundant living or it can derail us and even destroy our relationship with God and others.

It is my hope and prayer that you are fully equipped, but if not, I encourage you to put on the armor . . ."be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything to stand firm, Stand firm therefore having girded your loins with truth (our spiritual core) and having put on the breastplate of righteousness (being right and at peace with God) and having shod your feet (put on the spiritual shoes) with the preparation of the gospel of peace (good news of what Jesus has done); in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith, with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one, And, take up the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God). With all prayer and petition, pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, and pray!" (Ephesians 6:10-19)

If you have a chance do Priscilla Shirer's Armor of God Bible study - as our son, Kevin, would always say, "Just Do It!" If it's not available in a local church, you can get the the study book and probably watch the video online Maybe there is a group of moms that you are connected to that would be willing to go through this study together.

Praying that you will be armed and able to stand firm, and will be an active part of our great resistance against the "forces of evil" in this troubled world.

With Faith, Hope and Love,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

0 Comments

Closure to Grief?

10/4/2021

1 Comment

Has anyone ever told you that you need closure after the loss of someone you love?

As you have most likely experienced, as I have, "there is no closure to grief." Death is not an issue or matter to resolve and there doesn't ever seem to come to some sort of conclusion.

I have learned while living with some traumatic and heart wrenching losses that we can make peace with grief, but only, if we surrender our will and accept God's authority over life and death.

Though I would like all of my unanswered questions answered, and to be able to make sense out of God's timing, I believe as Isaiah 55:8-9 tells us . . .

"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

This August, my 93 year old mom headed off to Heaven. She had been in long term care for 3 years and the last year she became very fragile and immobile. Because of COVID restrictions, I was unable to be with her as much as I wanted to, but during the last few weeks of her life I was able to spend many hours at her side and did all I could to let her know how much I loved her and what she means to me. My mom and I had a very special relationship; we grew up and old together.

Though I spent some precious moments and hours with my mm at the end of her life, I wasn't with her, when she took her last breath and that bothers me. It especially troubles me that I woke up at 5:00 am the morning she died and thought of getting up and going into the facility, but after 12 hours with her the day before, I decided to sleep for another hour. At 6:00 am, I got the call that she had died. Would going in at 5:00 am have provided me with some sense of closure? Would she have had final words for me? Did I miss something important or did she slip away in her final moment without incident? These questions are left unanswered and I think I will always wonder how she stepped into Eternity, and if I should have been at her side, when she took the step.

For some reason (God only knows why), I have never experienced a sense of closure after the death of anyone I have loved. My Dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack and I didn't get to say goodbye. My sister died while I was asleep with my head on her bed. Our youngest son died instantly of sudden cardiac death while surfing. My brother died minutes after I left his room for a short break, and now my mom died without me there with her either.

So, what can we do, when we have unanswered questions and don't experience a sense of closure after the death of someone we love? The dictionary defines closure as "a sense of resolution or conclusion" . . . . "a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved." A resolution is defined as "the act of solving a problem, dispute or contentious matter."

I do not perceive death as a problem, a dispute or a contentious matter to be solved, but most certainly as an "emotional, traumatic experience" and no matter how much time passes I know that I must leave the details in God's hands - His most capable and trustworthy hands. If I trust Him, His timing is all the closure I need, as well as my faith that one day I will experience absolute closure, when I am reunited with my loved ones, because I am confident they are with Him now.

If there is any sense of closure for me, it is the sense that I have no control over life or death, and I can only control what I believe and how I accept and live with loss. I believe that God is loving, and it is He who has control over life and death. That's closure enough for me. How about you, precious mom?

With open hands and heart,
Angie "a mom like you"
amotherlikeme@gmail.com

1 Comment

The Way Through the Wilderness of Grief

Spiritual Gifts for You and Me!

Warrior Woman!

Closure to Grief?

Author(s)

Archives

Categories